So I've been hoping to work out. After realizing working out at the local YMCA meant issues with the changing room, decided to check out school gym.* I'm probably not gonna have issues with the change rooms.* The issue is with me.* I know working out's exactly what I need to start making my life better. Gotta lose weight, got the time to spare, hoping it'll improve my mood.* But big issue is that I'm really anxious about working out in front of people. What if I don't pass? What if I out myself? I know it's probably all in my head but have huge anxiety issues in general and especially with the possibility of not passing.* How do I get over it and deal?*
I think the big thing is to stop caring what other people think of you, especially if it's stopping you from moving on. A good way to combat anxiety (I have it really bad) is to think of how "Dangerous" the situation really is. Chances are no one is going to bother you. You say it might improve your mood? Then do it. Nothing should stand it the way of you and your happiness. Just take a minute to breathe and walk in like you own the place. No one can tell you what to do, yknow unless they are instructors giving tips. Besides after a while you'll see results, and there is nothing more satisfying than that. By the way, if I saw you in a gym, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between you, and a bio male. (Sorry if it didn't help. I'm not that great with advice.)
I thought it was "man code" that you don't look at other dudes in the bathroom or the locker room. That was my big concern last summer when I had to go through one of the designated locker rooms to get to the pool and I felt physically ill having to go through the women's with my mom who made a huge scene about it; but I was scared someone would see me if I went in the men's. I think my old therapist (I fucking miss that woman so much) said I probably would have been okay since people tend to mind their own business in there and probably wouldn't have noticed me anyway. She also pointed out that I did pass well, which had me concerned as well. I'm sure you'll be okay. As long as you don't really do something to draw too much attention to yourself, then you should be golden.
Yeah. I dunno. Honestly it was kinda the same thing with bathrooms. But then I was like "Dude, fuck that. Who gives a shit about who walks in?" Once I got to the point where I could present female and pass with a leather jacket on, I knew I was fine. But it's like, I worry that since I'm not gonna be layering clothes and I'm not binding, somehow someone's gonna pay more attention to me than usual and realize I'm not cis. Basically, if I'm not binding, I get really insecure and worried. It's not safe to bind if I'm exerting myself. I'm sure I'd look flat enough with a sports bra and layer a tank under a shirt but still. At this point, it's not even the changing room, just the whole experience of moving on an eliptical around other people. I get this idea that someone's gonna see me running around and be like "gee, you have a really big ass for a guy" And I know it's stupid but get kinda dysphoric and anxious, even though I know chubbier cis guys. Thanks guys. I'll keep it in mind.
You think a lot of straight guys will spend much time looking at your butt, cause I'm gonna be honest I don't think they will...and they gay guys probably aren't that interested either!
Honestly you pass incredibly well (a little bit jealous lol) so unless people make a point of staring at you I don't think they will question whether you're female or male. If you didn't feel comfortable going to the gym, why not take up running? That's what I'm doing at the moment because I don't have the money to join a gym and if I did go, I wouldn't feel comfortable having to present female (would never pass as male in a million years).
And the worst case scenario here is that someone mistakes you for a butch woman... Even in the south, nobody hassled me in the gym when I know that I didn't pass. I did freak out a girl in the locker :lol: room so, men's locker rooms or family might be a better idea in your case. And if you somehow don't pass in there and someone says something, play to their sympathy for girls and tell a sob story about how you got screamed at and pushed around in the girl's locker room. Men are pretty easy to manipulate, honestly so, just do it. This face >>> :tears: = (*hug*) and you're bi so, even better... :eusa_danc
I know running from the problem is not an answer, but have you ever looked into the possibility of working out at home? That's what I do, And I've gained quite a bit of muscle just from floor routines and a cheap pair of dumbbells. Most people find it hard to just start up at a gym, regardless of identity. Here, this is a free PDF download of Neila Ray's no equipment workouts. I use this all the time. 2013 workout collection Hey, who knows a little muscle before hand may give you more confidence when you do start going to a gym.
But big issue is that I'm really anxious about working out in front of people. What if I don't pass? What if I out myself? :roflmao: I found this a bit ridiculous Working out in front of people can certainly feel awkward, but take a step back and just think for a second, whatever you are doing someone else is probably doing something 10x more ridiculous right in front of you but you are acting too self-conscious to even realize it! Working out is for people to go and better improve their body, not to be worrying about fitting in or being socially acceptable, nothing about making odd body movements or being sweaty is socially acceptable yet everyone in a gym does it. Outting yourself by working out would be one hell of a thing to do XD If somehow you manage to do so, there is always the art of bs-ing and you can just say it is a new routine your PT assigned to you and then use some anatomy jargon and make up some part of the body it supposedly works out. Go to the gym and have fun! ^^
First of all, I want to say that I don't want to discourage you from working out. For me, when I got into the weight training class in school, it wasnt the best, but it wasn't bad either. I am really weak, i can't lift much, and I have really small muscles, especially on the shoulders and arms. For these reasons, I do not really pass. At first, with my male name, and because we didn't do much, I passed fine and no one really noticed me. But after we started doing stuff, people noticed my voice and body shape and determined that I was a girl. For the most part, people don't bother me or care about me at all though, so that is not an issue. But it is a little depressing when the few friends I made in that class always call me she and stuff. So, I think if you do want to do this, I doubt it will be an issue, but it is likely that you might not pass.
Okay thanks guys. You're right. I get anxious over kinda dumb things. I mean, I pass pretty well and this is taking into account I'm kinda a fluffy guy and it's not like I'm hiding the fact I've got a slightly more...feminine body fat distribution. But yeah... I'll keep it all in mind. Hoping I still pass even while working out... I'm checking out the gym tomorrow. Packing gym clothes so I can hit gym after class. Hold me to it.
Forget about it. Can't do it. :\ I got on campus, had gym clothes packed. And I realized I had no idea how the locker system worked- like if I could just claim one with a lock (because I have a locker on campus and it was the same system) or if I have to register. And that just kinda got me really paranoid about the idea of having to make myself known in order to use the gym in the first place and what if they tell me that because I'm registered on campus as a female that I can't use the right facilities. So lost all my mojo, can't walk in there. Too damn anxious and paranoid.
