Okay, I've come to terms with the fact that I'll be waiting a year to see a gender specialist, and more to start hormones. As part of this I've realised that yes, my body sucks, but I've lived with it for 21 years, I'll manage another. But then I panic that maybe I'm not really trans if I can be okay with my body as it is. I worry that being able to cope with my body for now and the next year might mean by the time I get to the gender specialist, I'll be persuaded by my parents not to proceed with transition or something. But then I remember that in my gut and my deepest instincts I know I'm a guy. I'm just taking a healthy mental attitude. But ugh, I'm just ranting here. Does anyone else get panics like these?
Wow... It's funny you should mention that as I have been sitting here at the computer for the past hour or so trying to write an article/blogy thingy on a similar (if not the exact same) topic. :lol: You want the short version or the long version?
I'm completely sure I want HRT/top surgery. That's not the issue here. I just feel like I should find it harder to accept living in this body for a year. But then I remember it's a good thing I can do that since it beat severe depression/suicidal thoughts.
Calix, I get this all the time. I suppose it's natural to have doubts since SRS is a huge thing to undergo both mentally and physically. Maybe the reason you're feeling ok about living with your body for another year or so is exactly that, because you know that it's not forever? I question the validity of my dysphoria a lot since I never really had extreme body dysphoria until the last 2 years. I never had the phantom limb thing of feeling I should have a penis so it's difficult for me to justify having GRS. I think you've just got to give it time. A lot can change in a year.
Calix, I would dare to guess that being trans means that you know that your life will be better thanks to the transition. Not that you have to feel like slicing your throat if you can't transition right now. (*hug*)
Forgive me Alex, but at what point did you decide that being trans was all about the medical stuff? I know you're worrying about what your parents say but even if you discovered you could live with your body FOREVER does that make you any less of a guy?
Hi there, I am sorry to hear about your confusion but can certainly Identify. I am 52 years old and have known I had this issue since I was 3. Due to social pressue and parents, getting beat up almost everyday untill I was about 9 and not being allowed to join the Girl Scouts all foced me to repess, even for a time forget my true self. I was married , h ad 3 kids , and always unhappy no matter how hard I tried . I crossdressed in secret for years. Now I am divorced and have a job where its ok to be me . I was going through what you are going through now and got some good advice from a trans friend . She said do a 1 month trial of HRT. It was explained to me that most all of the emotional changes take place in the first few weeks to one month. And if your brain is ment to run on estrogen. It will feel sooooo right you will know . I did it and I was at peace inside with myself for the first time ever. After the second week I was feeling the joy of my new found inner femininity that was always there but somehow blocked form comming to the surface . The depth of feeling is wonderful and I even get happy seeing flowers. So , long stroy short , I am 4 months HRT now and I don't worry about passing or what I should be. I am me and never happier. You owe it to yourself to try it. Some people get more depressed. Then you stop and go the other way. But if you think your mind is transgender you will know for sure . Good luck hugs , Charlotte
I get those feelings all the time, and it really sucks. Usually they happen right after a huge wave of dysphoria passes over...and I'm actually "stable" so to speak. Self doubt is awful. But I think you'll have the same feelings as you do now, 12 months from now.
