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New to talking, not to dressing

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Ony, May 6, 2014.

  1. Ony

    Ony
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    My wife just found this forum and suggested I give it a try. Last night I told her that I had been chatting with other crossdressers (she knew about the dressing but we don't really discuss it). After reviewing the site/profile she did some research and found this one that isn't dating-oriented. I was on the former site to discuss with others what im just coming to terms with, I am a transvestite. I was looking for like minded people so I don't feel so alone all the time with this. Have been since I was a kid. I am functionally straight but sometimes I dress and act as a woman. I don't want to be a woman...just be ok with the man who needs to dress like one sometimes. I would really appreciate any support/advice with this...

    thanks
     
  2. Gates

    Gates Guest

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    I don't actually know of any crossdressers on this site but it's a great bunch of people. If you are specifically looking for other crossdressers, you might try Laura's Playground (also not a dating site and has dressing specific forums). Welcome to EC regardless.
     
  3. Orange Bananas

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    *does research on what exactly a teansvestite is* Welcome to EC and thanks for increasing my LGBT knowledge! EC has plenty of helpful people and there are absolutely zero people who will hate you because of who or what you are. Laura's Playground is good, but the fine members of EC can help you come out, accept yourself, pass... whatever you need. I hope you find what you need!
     
  4. Ony

    Ony
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    I appreciate the kind words, even just typing this is a struggle
     
  5. Stacy in MA

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    Welcome! People are really great here - supportive and non-judgmental. You are definitely not alone! While there may not be many people here who identify themselves as crossdressers, there are many of us who wear the clothes of the sex opposite of the sex of our bodies at least part of the time, so there may be much that interests you and may be helpful here.

    It sounds like we have much in common - I too have a wife, am what most people would consider straight (I have a male body and am only attracted to women), and also present myself as male most of the time. I identified myself as a crossdresser most of my life, but it always seemed to fall short of describing of how I felt inside - I knew I didn't want to become a woman and I had never even encountered the ideas of non-binary gender or gender fluidity, so crossdresser seemed like the best option at the time. If you feel like you may be 'more' than a crossdresser these might be ideas to explore.

    Hope this helps!
     
  6. BookDragon

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    Welcome to EC!
     
  7. Ony

    Ony
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    Identifying as anything is just so new for me, I have been doing some reading on this and it seems like I'm not the only person with this...orientation. I want so badly for myself and my wife to point to something and say "see, that's where I fit". Just feel like an outsider. I've been a member on this site for 14 hours and the support already is comforting, thanks
     
  8. Stacy in MA

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    I know how you feel - I want the same thing myself. I feel pretty comfortable with the idea that I am genderfluid but am not sure about whether I am an androgyne or something else. For now, it is enough for me to at least be on the road to figuring it out.
     
  9. Miiaaaaa

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    Welcome to EC! The Female Clothing Thread, Make Up and Passing thread should be of some use here. :slight_smile:
     
  10. Ony

    Ony
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    Thanks to everyone...I've been checking this thread all day. Is there ever a time you can come to feel like you aren't DOING this to those you came out to? (in my case only my wife). She deserves to know everything and now she does but I just feel so guilty, like who I actually am is hurting those I love, any advice?
     
  11. Gates

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    I think that depends very much upon the person. In my case, I am the only guy in my immediate family and the oldest guy in my entire family; even when I was trying to be female, I've always been the sort of "dominant figure" and so, I feel a great sense of responsibility. I have felt guilty every time that I've come out to someone, either for feeling as though I'd deceived them or that I was making their lives more complicated (in the case of my parents). However, the guilt does fade after coming out because eventually, you have to focus on things that actually matter (like being the best you - whoever that may be - that you can be and devoting yourself to those you love). So, that isn't really advice per se but it does get better. :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 7th May 2014 at 12:31 PM ----------

    Oh, any btw, if you enjoy crossdressing but don't do it for erm... arousal purposes... you might want to mark "crossdresser" rather than "transvestite" as the latter carries some sexual connotations...
     
  12. Ony

    Ony
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    Thanks Gates, I appreciate the looking out! After my research it seems that "transvestive and "crossdresser" mean the same thing, just that the former is considered derogatory. Both have sexual implications that I'm not denying (straight man who derives satisfaction, including sexual, who enjoys dressing like/acting like a woman). The more research in to this I do I at least feel like this is ME, just don't know where I fit (where I can find support). People here have been awesome.

    I wrote the second sentence of the above paragraph 3 times...initially I was going to write something about how "OK, thanks, won't do that anymore" but then that would be lying, I DO get "pleasure" out of it, along with a general sense of excitement and happiness. It is just as hard to be honest with myself for fear of accepting that this is "who I am" as it is to be with other people for fear of rejection. You were looking out for me, and the thanks is legitimate.

    ---------- Post added 7th May 2014 at 01:23 PM ----------

    Also I wanted to link an article I found on this from a group of "transvestites" that met often for social functions and were married, straight, etc. There were from London in the eighties and one of them wrote a book as a guide for their families, answering questions about this. The rundown on the web site hit me like a ton of bricks "people like me...!?" It has a lot of outdated questions within "are crossdressers dangerous...etc." but the majority of the big picture ones were spot on. Would be against the rules to link to this page?