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Conference again...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Miiaaaaa, May 7, 2014.

  1. Miiaaaaa

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    Ok, so I'm going to this conference again, though this is all of the UK, not just Wales. I'll be all dolled up this time, unlike the last one.

    Any last minute advice?

    (This will be my first time dressed female in public.)
     
  2. Gates

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    When is it? :slight_smile:
     
  3. Miiaaaaa

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    Conference is Friday, but we're heading up there tomorrow.
    And there's some parties and such tomorrow night.
     
  4. Kasey

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    Just be you goddammit.
     
  5. Gates

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    Well, do you have everything you need packed? The clothes you want to wear and such?
     
  6. BookDragon

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    Best advice I can give you is this.

    Nerves are a bitch and they make you do stupid things.

    When you walk down the street people WILL look at you. Doesn't matter if you are presenting male, presenting female and not passing, or presenting female and passing with a 100% success rate. You could look like a hobo or royalty. Doesn't matter what you look like people will look at you as you walk past without even thinking about it.

    AND YOU WILL LOOK AT THEM.

    Thing is, now you are out in public and the nerves kick in, because even if you are passing you have a secret you don't want others to know. When that happens all of a sudden you start thinking that EVERYONE KNOWS.

    What happens when 'everyone knows'? Every look becomes a judgement. Every person that moves so the don't crash into you moved to avoid you. Every person that looks down after catching your eye is asking themselves 'why is that man wearing a skirt?'

    You brain does stupid things like that. You know what the stupidest thing is does it?

    You catch someone's eye. You think 'that person knows', and you STARE at that person. You stare into their god damn soul.

    And the bastard stares back.

    That's the point where you sit there and panic kicks in, because THAT PERSON knows. Not 'knows' like everyone else knows, this guy KNOWS. KNOWS in all caps! This guy could be they guy who tells everyone. This guy is going to tell the world your secret. Why the FUCK won't this guy stop staring at my eyes. He's like 50 feet away from me! Why won't he stop staring. Oh SHIT he looked me up and down. 20 feet. Stop staring at me you COMPLETE BASTARD. 10 feet. Is he looking at my chin? Oh fuck did I miss a bit shaving?!? 5 feet. He IS staring at my chin. Oh god stubble must be coming through. Don't rub it don't rub it. Gotta get out of the street. Hide somewhere. Crawl into a hole and die there. 3 feet. STOP FUCKING STARING I WILL KILL YOU. 2 feet. If this guy stares any harder his eyes will be INSIDE me. 1 foot. Oh yeah, that's it, roll your eyes and me dick head! Thanks a lot! Never seen a trans person before?! FUCKING TRANSPHOBE! It's alright just find somewhere to hide. Damn I need the loo. Oh crap which toilet do I use. Wearing a skirt...gotta use the ladies...those teenagers are giggling at me...

    And so on and so on...

    I'll leave you to decide if that was a transcript of my thoughts from a trip to Cambridge or a scene from my upcoming book.

    But either way, that situation was my fault. That guy doesn't give a damn about what I'm up to, the only reason he looked at me for longer than a second was because I freaked out and stared him down.

    Seriously, if you catch yourself staring at the people you think are staring at you, stop yourself however you can!
     
  7. Ony

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    You will be fine, good luck!!!
     
  8. Kasey

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    Holy Christ this is so true... Even when I'm out in public presenting female I know exactly the feeling Holly describes because while I have more experience than you Mia, it is still very nerve wracking.

    It is SLOWLY going away. But this is so true.

    Accept it.
     
  9. AudreyB

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    That's great, Mia. :slight_smile: Hope you have a wonderful time.

    And Schoolmarm's advice is best. (Ellia's is best expanded.)
     
  10. looking for me

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    advise? 1. have fun:eusa_danc 2. be safe(*hug*)

    edit to add: pics for us if possible, if not vivid descriptions of your outfit, etc.
     
    #10 looking for me, May 7, 2014
    Last edited: May 7, 2014
  11. Stacy in MA

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    The best advice I can give you I'm sure you have heard before, but it is no less true for being oft repeated: act like you belong there. That's it - no matter where you go, act like you belong there. If there is anyone there who doesn't belong it's the other person, not you.

    Projecting confidence, whether you feel confident or not, plays a huge role in how other people perceive and treat you. I am 6'5" and about 220 lbs, so there is no way I'm ever going to pass, but when I feel well put together and act confident it really doesn't matter - I do belong there and people almost always treat me the same way.

    Best of luck - it can be thrilling and scary at first but it can also be ultimately affirming! Take care and be safe.
     
  12. Gates

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    Have fun and take care of yourself. I know that you'll be nervous but remember that we're all rooting for you and want you to be happy.

    You'll look beautiful. Knock 'em dead. :thumbsup:

    And take pictures if you can. Llama needs eye-candy. :wink:
     
  13. Miiaaaaa

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    So, once it's happening, don't give it a second thought!
    And I look forward to reading your memoirs. :grin:

    ---------- Post added 9th May 2014 at 07:44 AM ----------

    Found out on the day that we'll be there for like 4 days, so had to buy more stuff! Bye bye money. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    And pics will be coming in the next few days.
     
    #13 Miiaaaaa, May 8, 2014
    Last edited: May 8, 2014
  14. Monika the Diva

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    Hey Mia, being the newest psychologist in the making just remember that if your presenting as female in public remember 2 key rules. Ladies make eye contact and DO NOT STARE as staring a stereotypical MAN behavior. 2nd of all remember that us ladies we have to sit in a way that we are not occupying too much space. This helps by crossing your legs as closely as possible. Anyway, you look fine and TAKE A SELFIE!!! I want to see what my sister looks like with make up :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: and most important be you!!!!

    Good Luck DJ Yoloswag!!!!
     
  15. Kasey

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    DJ Yoloswag? Isn't that young Kat?
     
  16. Monika the Diva

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    I think Mia said that unless I had a blonde moment when I had typed that. :grin:
     
  17. AudreyB

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    Always possible. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  18. Miiaaaaa

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    I sit like that anyway normally. :grin:
    I don't normally make eye contact though.

    But yeah, going fine so far, but haven't really been outside of LGBT, other than shops.
    But yeah, no-one here bats an eyelid, which is nice. :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 10th May 2014 at 01:51 PM ----------

    Also, DJ Yoloswag was me. :grin:
     
  19. Kasey

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    Glad to hear it, it's amazing when people don't give you a second look.

    Also I swear DJ Yoloswag was Kat.
     
  20. Miiaaaaa

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    Exactly.

    And 'fraid not.

    Also, pics are being moderated now.