Convo with parents. Having doubts.

Does the idea of maybe not being a girl scare you? If so I feel that is a good indication you might be trans. Don't let your parents dictate how you feel about yourself. They do not know how you feel or what you go through.
Also girls can be as feminine or not as they please.

 

^ :eusa_clap

 

How do you feel about doubting?

 

I would like to offer abit of advice, I might be abit rusty, but I feel I can relate on alot of you points.

I was picked on relentlessly in grade school & middle school. I had 1 friend who transferred in the 3rd grade, so I spent 4th-8th by myself pretty much. I never "Fit in" properly, nor did I display any "Female" mannerisms. I was diagnosed with ADHD and some sort of social disorder. (my mother beat herself up when I told her I was Trans, she felt it was her fault for not seeing it sooner, she said she should've known from how I never fit in, and should've got a 2nd opinion on my diagnoses)
I was even often referred to as "The Black Sheep" of the family
While I didn't have alot of troubles finding a girlfriend, when I went to HS being the Mysterious, quiet loner in the trench coat was attractive I guess, however my relationships were always shit. I would always push them away, not meaning to & I would always say "I won't do that in my next relationship" but it kept happening.
even in my early 20s i never went out to party or socialize because I felt like I wasn't right. I would... "Choke my chicken" in drag in my teen years, but I always felt like I should stay in drag.. ya know? well anyways after coming out as trans and being a full-time female so to say, I am way more sociable, my friends who thankfully are understanding invite me out for drinks, shopping you name it, because im not such a drag anymore sorry for the pun lol
Work wise... I have gone from job to job to profession and flopping all over the place when I was a guy... I started in fast food... then got a job as a carpenter at 18 (I am a 5th generation tradeswoman), I joined the army at 19, and got discharged 2 years later due to a knee injury that left me with a few pins in my knee. I got my old carpenter job back, but the owner moved to NC, after refusing his offer to move with him I went to vocation trade school for Line electrician. I moved and ended up back in fast food.. then I moved back and got a job as a restaurant maintenance manager, I got fired from that job and stayed in food service for the next 3 years... When I came out and lived as a woman I was hired to sell jewelry, a career! finally... something I am really good at btw! meanwhile My older brother (31 this year) is married 2 kids and a district manager for a food company, my younger brother (23) 1 kid is a regional mechanic for United Rentals, both are happy and successful. then there is me, almost 28 just getting into a career, single 0 kids lol

I never really put any weight into "Fitting in" after the age of 14, because I assumed I would never fit in by that point... after accepting myself instead of suppressing it, and stumbling onto this website from a fateful internet search a few months back, I feel great, even if you decide being trans isn't for you, this community will be here for you regardless. Your parents are right, the LGBT community is a great one, however you don't need to fall under our banner to be a part of us, but be warned there is some strife within the community (not this forum but the LGBT community as a whole) so we're not exactly perfect, we're just Fabulous!

 

So I had a conversation with my parents tonight. I'm trying to keep an open mind because I don't have all the answers and I know they probably know me and my mannerisms more than anyone else.

Better than you?

Basically, they said that all throughout growing up, I didn't exhibit any feminine traits. Which is pretty much true,

Nor did I, and I'm older than you. I had my hair long and my whole family was against it, just like yours is, not exactly an open environment for self expression, is it?

I really only started acting feminine in middle school.

Correct me if I'm wrong but middle school is age 9-12? That's a minimum of 10 years you've been acting 'somewhat feminine', how much longer do they need you to have exhibited signs for?

They said that, if I had been more feminine throughout my life, that they'd probably realize that I might be trans, but since I never exhibited any feminine behaviors growing up, they don't really see it.

No they wouldn't.

Think about it this way. You currently have long hair and they don't seem to think that is worth consideration. So that isn't evidence. You admit you've had some feminine qualities since middle school and THOSE aren't up for consideration. You LITERALLY TOLD YOUR MUM and THAT isn't evidence. So ask yourself, why on Earth should you force yourself to imagine if you'd shown evidence earlier they would be more accepting?

The thing they did see though is that I've always had trouble fitting in ever since I was old enough to interact with other kids. I've always had shit self esteem (and still kinda do), am a total social retard, and the few attempts at dating I've had have always been really shitty. I'm kinda bad at making friends and am terrible at making conversation with strangers. I literally cannot go up and talk to someone I don't know without having a legit reason to be talking to them (like ordering food or something). This compounded with the fact that my younger brother was always making friends, having great relationships with pretty girls, and generally being successful.

You and about 40% of other young people who I will point out are not even REMOTELY trans. Think of it this way, given all the crap you WILL have to deal with being trans, who in their right mind would transition for an 'easier' life in that regard?

I know personally my low self esteem, lack of confidence, complete inability to talk to adults or use a phone were deeply routed in the fact that I'm trans. I am living as a woman now and those things aren't HALF as bad because I'm being me for the first time.

My parents have conjectured that I feel like I've failed to be successful as a man, and that maybe I'm feeling like I'm a girl because being trans would legitimize my being 'not normal'.

Deep down your parents probably know how stupid this is, but I think you need to remind them. You can't pretend your problems away. Take the number of people we get on this forum saying that they are gay and desperately don't want to be. There is a MASSIVE amount of people who pretend to be straight to avoid their problems. Why? Because THAT WAY doesn't come with a bunch of problems from outside. Pretending to be straight won't leave you with a bunch of people hating you and abusing you. Being trans sure as hell will, so WHY would you 'choose' that? There are a hundred million other things you could pretend to be to justify poor social skills and self esteem before you landed on a gender switch.

Like, I could be a social outcast, but then if I was trans there'd be a reason for it and it'd be okay.

Why would you willingly ADD to your problems if you didn't need to?

They also said I was probably drawn to the LGBT community because they're typically more accepting than most people, and that feeling as if I could identify as LGBT would make me feel included and I would 'fit in'.


Yeah, you would fit in. With the LGBT community. But you run the risk of not fitting in anywhere else. Your parents need to understand this isn't some 'fashion choice' where you can dress how you want to fit in with a crowd and be accepted and most of the world will just ignore it...I don't doubt that there are some people who DO want to be LGBT when they aren't (in fact I know for a fact there are) but I'm guessing your parents don't. Most likely they will be doing what my mum did and basing it off things I did and people she knows did in the past. She likened being trans to when I 'had a goth phase' for example. Something that DID happen partly to fit in.

So yeah, really long rant. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot, and am still gonna be thinking on this for a long time. I don't know if their conjecture is right, or maybe even partially right, or totally off the mark or what.

Let me ask you this simple question.

WHY does getting your hair cut bother you so much?

I'll let you consider why that question is important for a while.

 

I got this from my parents. They said I was never masculine growing up and didn't do any 'typical' guy things. Keep in mind you're parents are saying most of this because they don't want you to be trans. We can't blame them for that, but remember that in your doubting.

At the end of the day the important question is - Will you be happier if you were the opposite gender?

You're parents are struggling with the idea, which is understandable. But you need to make this decision based on your feelings, not theirs. And as any good parent should, they will accept whatever that decision may be given time.

 

(*hug*)

Do your parents know your favorite color? Do they know your favorite food? Animal? Dream vacation spot? Style of clothes? Drink? Movie genera? Mine don't. I can't count the number of times my mom has said "But you've always liked mashed potatoes. What do you mean you don't want any?" I've NEVER liked mashed potatoes. But all those things are the basics of the basics, things we expect them to know as the people closest to us. If my mom, who cooks my meals whenever I'm living in her house can't remember my food preferences, then why would I think she knows my gender identity?

When my mom tells me I've always liked mashed potatoes, I don't start to suddenly question the last twenty years of my life. I KNOW I don't like mashed potatoes, and even if I did eat them at some point in my early childhood, I don't like them now and that is what's relevant. I don't doubt that my favorite color is purple when she tells me I like red, that I hate orange juice when she tells me it's my favorite drink, that I like sci-fi when she pulls out my 'favorite' romantic comedy.... you see where this is going?

If my parents can't remember the basics of my personality that I tell everyone in self-introductions and they interact with on the daily, then why would I expect them to have any deep understanding of my gender identity which I've been keeping hidden?

It's fine to question your gender identity, that's what I've been doing for quite a while, but don't let the reason for it be someone telling you what you're thinking or how you feel. I don't care if they are your psychic twin, no one knows you better than you do. (*hug*)