Dysphoria making me it's bitch!

I know I grab my penis and squeeze it, or gently twist it sometimes. But I do it for pleasure. I love playing with it

 

I'm sorry Holly I would gladly trade with you if I could!

 

Trade? Gladly.

I notice I do similiar things to my chest. If I'm like laying down or showering, I find myself trying to crush it or smash it down. Otherwise, I pay as little attention to it as possible. As for the other area... I used to rake it with my nails until I saw blood. Probably not best option...

Don't really know how to advise you except to say, might help to find something to get your mind off it, keep your hands occupied. Tucking? Might that help?

 

Ugh, lotsa heart-breaking dysphoria being experienced among my trans brothers and sisters. (*hug*)

I never seem to have experienced genital dysphoria. Although maybe I'm starting to show a miniscule sign of it in one respect: I find myself crossing my legs more and more all the time when I sit. In fact, it's almost become uncomfortable to sit any other way. However, crossing them can also be uncomfortable if I don't "adjust" a certain way.

Lately, I've noticed that I keep trying to cross my legs further and further over my thigh, causing some measure of pain in the sensitive bits. Yet, I don't find myself caring to bother about adjusting. Sat this way for some twenty minutes today at a stretch and afterwards nearly felt as if I'd taken a knee to the groin. (Still hurts a little as I post this.)

I keep thinking about how I'm going to look crossing my legs in a skirt or one of my dresses and the pain just doesn't seem to be as big a deal as looking good. (Not that I've exhibited this sort of behavior in other areas. :rolle

Guess that's kinda dysphoria, huh? (Sometimes I do very strongly wish for a flat front, not thinking about where "they" would have to go in order to produce this effect.)

Body/gender conflicts... :tantrum:

 

(*hug*) I'm sorry, Holly. Please don't hurt yourself, though. Remember that even if it's not proper for you, that your body deserves your sympathy.

 

I'm sorry, I understand how painful it is to have it

I know It's a subconscious thing, but I really hope you don't actually hurt yourself in the future. I'm sure having it must be really awful, but you will need to have the skin intact to complete SRS successfully, so maybe you can look at it that way? I know It's still a long ways away though....

Just hang in there! :c

 

This is not an appropriate thing to say to a woman; please do not say such things.

 

I'm the same with my chest...

But Byron, please, please don't harm yourself. It's OK. Even if it's not right for you, still, you shouldn't hurt yourself. (*hug*)

---------- Post added 12th May 2014 at 05:33 PM ----------

Audrey... (*hug*)

 

Well, no. It's never intentional. Not the raking, that is. I used to self-harm though, especially when I got dysphoric.

Anyway... If I knew an easy way to deal with dysphoria, I'd share it. I've found it really helps just to be out there, living full time. Keep yourself busy. Seriously the best thing I can advise. The more you're out there and being productive, the better.

 

Internalized homophobia is making me its bitch...
PLEASE don't hurt yourself. Like everyone else said, you need your skin intact in order to get SRS. Regardless, you don't need to hurt yourself.
We're all here for you. (*hug*)

 

Trust me, i know the feeling all too well. I wish to rid myself of my male genitalia as well. But you and I must be patient and do things the right way Holly. It takes time, unlike me, you are young and have time. I do not. There's a saying that says "Those who wait will reap the great rewards." Which means that the long wait will be worth it. Hang in there sister. I know what your going through. (*hug*) but you can't get rid of them because you need your penis in order for it to become a vagina. Which is my motivation for it not to bother me. Holly, I am here for you and we both can suffer together waiting for our destiny.

 

You don't harm yourself anymore do you???

 

So you were pretty vulnerable there Holly, I can do the same. I have done something similar since forever. Not just twisting it, although that's definitely how it started, but overall more as... trying to stuff it inside or pull everything else up around it is the best way I can put it. It's not something I did intentionally, it's not like I'm hurting myself, it's more an absent-minded thing. It's always been when it was flaccid and I never hurt myself that way. It's a little embarrassing, but well, there it is. I think the very first time I can remember ever doing this I was like 6. Eventually it did "stay in" more and more, but it's hard to tuck properly when it's like that, so I usually don't any more.

So I can say from my experience anyway that, as long as you are not actually in any kind of pain, you are probably okay. I've been doing it for years and the darn thing is still there, and although it's been several months since I checked and I felt like absolute ass when I did, it still worked then and probably does now.

I'm tucked pretty much always now, to the point where it feels weird when I am not and I forget that thing is there sometimes. And I haven't really done that in years. But I really think you and I are talking about the same thing.

I want to ask though, tucking is so so not supposed to be painful, like at all. You don't have to get the balls to go into the inguinal canals if it's not comfortable. However far they'll go in with muscular control, that's as far as you need. A maxi pad (not just a panty liner) or a sock and pulling up in the front will get that flat enough front to get your mind off stuff you can't fix right now, with everything still on the outside.

Something else that I remember helping me when I was younger, have you tried taking a cold shower first? It doesn't have to be uncomfortable cold, just lukewarm. I found it was way easier to get the balls to go back up in painlessly when I did that.

Tucking probably did help with that problem that I'm assuming we shared; it had a kind of "chastity belt" effect. I didn't really want to disturb anything because it looked and felt "right" when I was tucked. So I left it alone.

 

I was going through bad stages of scratching away at my skin since realising I was trans. I've now stopped this and whenever I have a dysphoric moment at home (rarely happen at work) I do ten push-ups. It seems to work since rather than hurting myself, I'm taking a step towards passing more. I want broad shoulders/arms xD

 

While I can't really relate (much) to penis-hate, I do also wish it weren't there. For me though, I CAN relate to the intense self-loathing. I absolutely fucking hate looking at myself (or rather this male-body prison that I'm trapped in) in the mirror.

Hug party incoming ------>>> (&&&) (&&&) (&&&) (&&&)

 

When dysphoria gets you down, grab it by the horns and make it YOUR bitch.

Dysphoria has been on and off again for me. Most of the time I don't notice or I forget I'm trans, until I encounter gay porn on my dashboard; where (tmi) I get both really turned on but also deeply dysphoric. It sucks and I often go down the road of self loathing about how I'm not cis and I won't have what I should have had.

I just hope we all try to avoid going down (or returning to) the self harm road. I was there before and I sometimes find myself going back down there (In the traditional sense of things like cuts and burns, I've been clean for almost a year. Scratching, beatings, hair pulling...I've lost track). I haven't had the thought in a while, but the idea of DIY mastectomy has crossed my mind before and it didn't sound like a bad idea sometimes.

But it's good to know that there is a lot of love and support going around <3