Ftms and periods - how to cope :(

I was just on my way out to my counselling appointment this morning when I had a visit from jaws. Yep, it's shark week again. It wasn't like it took me by surprise. I knew it would be here any day this week but I just wasn't prepared for the level of dysphoria it would cause this time round. I literally wanted to die as I was walking to the train station because I could feel the cramps which always makes me hyper aware of what's going on inside my body. I use tampons because I find it easier to deal with but today, even using a tampon felt too much for me and I was just aware of it the whole time being there even though I couldn't feel it. When I arrived at my counselling appointment, it didn't take much before I was crying my eyes out. I wanted to tell my counsellor about the dysphoria but I couldn't even bring myself to talk about it because I felt that embarrassed about even mentioning periods. So I just had to sit there knowing it was causing me massive anxiety and torment but that I was too ashamed to even discuss it. :tears: I just can't deal with it and there's nothing I can do about it. My GP won't put me on any kind of contraceptive because it makes me really emotional and I am only just about stabilized with my anti depressants. Please help me. What can I do?

 

Shark week sucks. (*hug*) Um, I was thinking about asking something similar last week, so I'm sure that other people have much better suggestions than I do, but the best thing I've found is just to distract yourself from it as much as possible. I know it's not the greatest help in the world, but if you can find something to get your mind off of it for a little bit, that might help. That's how I got through it, anyway. I started a Dr. Who marathon and tried to focus on that. I'm sure that other people will have much better suggestions, but I really hope you feel better soon. (*hug*)

 

Seconded!(*hug*)
Man, shark week's the worst.
Listen to some music. Draw. Do something to distract yourself.

 

I don't have shark week. Thanks to shark week always being wonky for me, I got put on medication that stops it completely. I'll have to go off of it if I ever manage to get hormones, but it'll be worth it.

Had a bonus of helping with my dysphoria.

Oddly enough, my dysphoria was/is mostly limited to my face, chest, and voice. I was mostly ok with my bottom half.

 

^I have PCOS and the entire thing stopped for, like 3 years. BLISS
But then my mother took me to some traditional Chinese doctor who started them all over again. Fuck that. Now the little shits come and go as they please.

 

What's PCOS?

I wanted to try out those meluna things but I don't know how I would actually cope sticking it up there. I mean this time round, the weird thing is I forgot to buy tampons and only bought pads. Then today I just realised. WHAT! :eek: No tampons! So I had to steal my sister's super plus. I don't normally use them because they're a bit big for me but I hate pads. They just feel like wet nappies to me. I don't know if it was because I normally use regular tampons (although that means changing them more frequently) or whether it's because my dysphoria has escalated (I mean - imagine me forgetting to buy tampons altogether) but now, I'm struggling to even get a tampon in! Sorry to be graphic, but it's kind of like because I'm so anxious about shark week and my bits, my muscles are all constricted so I'm actually injuring myself by trying to get a tampon in but in a weird way, feeling like I deserve the pain because I brought it all on my self Seriously wanted to drown myself in the canal earlier :tears:

---------- Post added 13th May 2014 at 05:09 PM ----------

On a related note...I have also noticed I get period cramps when I exercise at any time of the month, whether I am on my period or not. Was going to mention it to my doc but does anyone else get this or know what it is? So that means working out gives me dysphoria even when it's not fucking shark week

 

PCOS: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Basically bubbly ovaries.
Interestingly, it's directly related to an elevated level of testosterone.

 

Exercise is supposed to help with the cramping, supposedly. I never really had bad cramps, except for one time in July last year that had me nearly throwing up.

You might want to look on getting on the pill. Not the estrogen based ones, either. Talk to your doctor about progesterone only pills. They're synthetic and unlike regular birth control, you don't take spacers and they can reduce shark week down to light spotting or, like me, stop them completely. Even if it doesn't stop it, it'll really help with the pain.

It's worth looking into if you won't be going on T for awhile. The fact that you're having pain issues is a perfect excuse to get on it.

 

I use these pills as well, though this was before telling my GP I was trans. It was when I still questioning and when he mentioned switching to these ( I was having issues with the ones beforehand) I jumped on the chance so damn fast! xD

 

Should check those out.

 

Yeah, definitely sucks ass. I tend to get really tense and anxious when I think it's coming- my key is, I like to know when it's going to happen so I don't have the unfortunate incident of going to the men's room and realizing my boxers are soaked with blood. Which means almost a week of waiting and waiting.

I'm using one of those cup things. Decided not to go on a pill because I got iffy about possible heightened estrogen levels (which make me feel shittier all around). I get really dysphoric about shark week too but as long as I can catch it early enough and I'm keeping it contained, I manage.

I like to think of it as having Satan as a house guest. The first day you're like "GET THE FUCK OUT- oh my god, he's cursing the furniture, he's cursing the furniture. By the third, you're like "um...you might picking up the charred shards of your sacrificial goat? By the way, we're out of milk. Swing by and pick some up while you're damning people to hell?"

 

Yes, sheep on a string.

 

This happened to me when I was put on ortho-tricyclid, which is a three level estrogen birth control. It made me severely depressed, borderline suicidal, and made my dysphoria a shitton worse. It's why I recommend the progesterone only pills lol.

I started it back in September and I haven't had a shark week since December. Even after I started it, shark week was reduced down to three days of light spotting. It kind of fizzled out from there.

They're not exactly cheap, about $35 or so a month, but honestly, they're worth it. My dysphoria has lessened, I feel better, I can actually see the guy I'm supposed to be in the mirror. On top of that, there's a minimal half life for if you need blood work/go on T.

 

There's no real way of dealing with it then? I don't know about contraceptive pills. I tried a few in the past before I even knew I was trans. I had really bad cramps and really heavy periods so the doc suggested the contraceptive pill. Might have tried progesterone, I can't remember. I'll check with the doc. But all I can remember about my experience of being on various contraceptive pills was being really moody, still getting cramps and still getting heavy flow. I think I might have been on one where you didn't have to take a break and have a period but I always did. I don't know. To me, it didn't seem right NOT to have a period and leave all that blood rotting inside me Better out than in sort of thing. Plus, I swear it made me more bloated around the stomach area which didn't go down well with my body dysmorphia. I was convinced I had all this stomach fat. Plus, I felt like my chest got bigger with contraceptive pills. eh.

I guess if I didn't get the cramps I could distract myself more easily. They say exercise to help the cramps but that has NEVER worked for me. Only made them even worse! Like just now, I went for a walk to help to the cramps and I've come back doubled up in pain. :tears: Fucking dysphoria

 

I also use mooncups. They are great! I have to deal with it only twice a day. There is no leeks and I can't feel it at all. Also there is no need to buy tampons or pads. One cup lasts for years. Mine is maybe 4 years old and it's as good as new. It's also hygienic and there will be no trash. It is cheaper at the end too. I can almost forgot the whole thing. If I ever have a child who has to deal with this I will give her one when she is in that age (I will be this super awkward daddy who has been through all the gross female stuff!). I can really recommend Lunette cups.

I know the cup is big and it might feel weird to stick it in there but it's only twice a day if your period is normalish. You can't keep tampons 12h like you can do with a cup.

I hate swelling before menstruation though. It's the worst. I have big breasts although I am skinny. They are so big people have suspected that they are not real and for one week they are swollen and sore. That sucks. I hate them so much even normally. I don't have that much dysphoria of what's between my legs (and the cup has made periods bearable) but breasts are something different.

Editing... Oh the cramps... Nothing really helps for me either. Pain killers help but I still have to suffer a lot. Exercicing really doesn't help. It's like there was some alien growing inside of me. I just try to think that it's just some pain. I don't think where it comes from and why I am in pain. I just think that it's pain. But as I said my bottom dysphoria is not so bad.

 

What pills do to you...they don't leave the blood inside to rot. The progesterone pill stops ovulation during the cycle and causes the endometrium to atrophy.
Have you taken meds for the cramps? I personally do not get those but I've heard that hot water bags help, as do drinking warm water with brown sugar. Or eating chocolate, perhaps.

 

Sometimes, I feel like being trans is some kind of torture. I'm not particularly religious. Having said that, I think that some aspects of various religions have some very wise words of wisdom we could all learn from. But say if there really was such thing as reincarnation, salvation and damnation, I see being trans as some kind of punishment or damnation for something I potentially did in a previous life

---------- Post added 13th May 2014 at 06:28 PM ----------

Yeah I take pain killers - probably too many and too often. They help but never take the pain away completely. Same with hot water bottles.

I might have to see about the progesterone pills. I'm just not that keen on all these meds I'm constantly taking - antidepressants (2 types), antibiotics for my acne, ibuprofen for my dysphoria (I just take them if I feel bad and they seem to take the edge off) and then to add contraceptive pills as well... My body will be intoxicated haha

 

Anonym, it might too be that we chose this so we could learn something. At the end I guess we have to know ourselves better than most people ever will. We are maybe just evolving although it's really painful because it has to happen so fast. It's like too much for one lifetime but here we are. I am not really religious either but I suspect this is the case if there is something like this.

 

Anyone uses ibuprofen?

 

I always forget that I have them. You'd think that after 17 years, I could remember but it's like my brain refuses to acknowledge this as a thing that happens. I use an app to track them but they never run on time so, it doesn't do much... The result is that I almost always bleed through something/ multiple somethings.

I don't really have advice. I'm sorry, dude; the sharks suck. (*hug*)

---------- Post added 13th May 2014 at 11:54 AM ----------

I use to and it helped with cramps.