Dad wants me to be more "feminine"

Don't care.

 

Your parents really need to mind their own business!! :tantrum:

 

Your parents are kinda like my dad who at one time had a pink fluff on his shoe and had to take it off because "It's too gay!" I hate him. The only thing you can do is keep strong and do whatever the hell your brilliant mind wants to. I'm starting to call myself a trans-guy even though I'm kinda girly but I am scared what he will think. Maybe we could talk sometime message me.

---------- Post added 13th May 2014 at 03:11 PM ----------

Just remember be strong mads, face him with confidence and a face that says if you don't agree with what I'm doing I don't care!

 

Just be yourself. Nuts to their beliefs!

 

I probably said this in your other thread. But...

Wear what YOU want! If he doesn't like it, tell him to f**k off.

 

1) Considering your other threads regarding matters of a sexual nature, you may not want to list yourself as "stone."

2) If you still feel female, why are you wanting to bind? That doesn't look butch, it looks male and there is a difference.

3) Why are your clothes "loose," anyway? Nobody ever said guys have to dress like slouches...

4) Stop rolling over for your family like a submissive, low rank puppy. You're 18 and old enough to make your own decisions so, make them.

 

No, it DOES not make you look unattractive. For us Femmes, Butches are the most amazing, hottest thing out there. We love our butches, so don't you change a thing about yourself to fit into some heterosexual idealistic crap.

 

A person doesn't have to identify as male to bind. If they want to bind, then they can bind. Additionally, there's nothing wrong with loose clothing. Personally, I find loose clothing to be a lot more comfortable than form fitting clothes. It's a matter of personal preference.

 

I read this post and I was very sad because of the misunderstanding in the gay community of the essence of Butch. So, I thought that maybe explaining would help a bit. She is PREFECTLY normal for a Stone/Hard Butch.

1)I have not read the sexual posts, so I don't have any idea if she is stone in sexuality or just in manner. There is a difference. Some use the term Hard and Stone interchangeably.

2) Yes, butches do bind. Especially Stone/hard Butches. This is actually a very, very common practice and many only wear a sports bra. One of the ways you can tell a gal is butch is by if she binds or wears sports bras or not. I am not sure where you got your info from, but you are incorrect. It is not male.

3) Her clothes are loose because she is a Butch(not just dressing butch, there is a difference). This too is common for Butch women to wear loose clothing, with no cleavage or butt crack showing, jeans not up in their crotch. Many butches actually wear their clothing loose because they don't like the idea of males looking at them sexually, or they don't feel accepted or attractive by societal standards. They don't feel their bodies are what they want and have been told they are trying to be men or unattractive. Some just are more comfortable that way.

4) It is harder to standup to your parents when you cannot support yourself and live at home. Sometimes, you have to put up with their shit if you want to eat. Cut the kid some slack, she's only 18.

:dry:

 

I was going to say the exact same thing :lol: My stepmom has pretty much given up on me with trying to wear more feminine things And now she doesn't bother me with it and let's me wear what I want because she knows that I do it anyway :lol:

 

Not sure of the difference (if I understand that there is some) between stone vs. hard butch. But FWIW, I used to have a young-ish (mid-20's) super-butch lesbian co-worker who bound. (Close to 100% certain on this, since I never saw any evidence at all of mammaries or bra-lines--unless she had had top surgery?)

 

I agree with this. Some cis women bind either for sporty or cosplay reasons. And I wouldn't mind binding either since I'm a DD when I prefer/feel more comfortable sporting smaller/flat chest. Maybe she's the same.

Anyway, hopefully when you move out it won't be an issue anymore, OP.

I thought stone was a sexual term that describes someone who doesn't like being touched in the bedroom.

 

I truly have no clue.

*guilty of not educating herself in this realm*

 

My grandma wouldn't look at me when I got the cartilage of my ear pierced, but that's something family just has to get over eventually. Clothes and outfits are close to the bottom of the rebellion chain, really.

Offer to compromise by dying your hair hot pink instead and see how they like that. Seriously though, my parents were able to paint one of their houses a color that went against the neighborhood regulations because my dad first requested a horrible color so they went with the one he actually wanted as the lesser of two evils. Threaten imply getting a piercing or tattoo (you're old enough to come home with one) and suddenly baggy pants will seem a whole lot more acceptable.

...maybe I'm not the best advice giver, that sounds strange reading it over...

 

There is a techinical difference. Technically Stone Butches do not want to be touched sexually by their partners, especially their breasts or genitals. They 'give'. They also usually partner with Stone Femmes, who traditionally only 'recieve'. Hard butch is technically a super masculine lesbian who dresses male, acts male and usually(but not always) prefers to go by male pronouns such as Hy, Hym, etc. People almost never can tell they are butches and not men, they call them Sir often. It's pretty much like the difference between Lipstick Lesbians and Femmes. Techincally Femmes only partner with butches while Lipsticks with only feminine lesbians. Other Lipsticks. Again, the terms are used interchangably used. But yes, most Butches do either bind or wear sports bras because they are just breasts, ya know?(not what they say about yours, as they attempt to by you all these fripperies in Victorias Secrets...LOL)

 

OP I think the thing to take away from all the side convo here is that being in any way queer is about you finding out a way to live that makes sense to you.

And it really sounds like you have done that. The other big problem with being us, is that it's not always easy actually living that life. A lot of people and situations will get in the way. You learn after a while to approach them with a little bit of love and compassion, but it is really not easy at all, and you are just a human being.

So I think this is one of those times. Parents usually want two things. They want their kids to be successful, and they want to not be embarrassed themselves. They also have a really hard time letting go of the image they have of what our future is going to be like. Your mom really sounds like she still imagines you falling in love with a prince charming some day, and you being "unattractive" in her opinion is making that harder to happen. And your dad really sounds like he's worried other people are going to harass you. We all get told a lot of horror stories about people that step out of line.

The truth is, there are successful, happy queer people everywhere. My best friend's boss was a guy with a husband, and she's a trained phlebotomist who had a lesbian coworker. A lot of us queer people, myself included, have college degrees. In my industry we even jokingly call it the "Turing Curse" after Alan Turing, to explain why there are so many queer computer programmers.

So what you have to do if you want to be you, is to prove to them that you can be happy, and successful, and you, without compromising. Right now they just have fears. Maybe I was on the mark about what those fears are, maybe I was not. But they have them, and that's what's getting in the way.

So you are dealing with emotion. One thing that won't work then is logic. You can't convince them with words, it just won't work. You can't even win promises or understanding ahead of time. All you really can do, is to do your best to be you and happy. If you have to every now and then put on the girly girl costume, it sucks. We have all been there. Don't feel like you are letting anyone down if you ever have to for a little while. It's just something you have to do to get by.

But eventually, the more and more you are you, and the happier you are with that person, the easier people like your parents will be. You just have to show them there's nothing to be scared of, and be loving, and patient with them until then.

 

:eek: So glad that I'm not subject to all of these terms and regulations anymore... I'm pretty simple about love: [I love her? Yes! >>> She loves me? Yes! >>> Let's get hitched! (!)] :roflmao:

 

:roflmao: