Narritve Writing

I was recently given a writing assignment for my English class; the prompt asking me what I had discovered in myself during primary(junior-high) school. Immediately, I thought, "Wow, this'll be easy. I'll just describe figuring out I was trans*," followed by, "Hmm, actually no, that's not easy."

One reason being the fact that I'm still rather confused about all this. It's mostly the same banal, bipolar rubbish of "I'm totally trans*; oh, maybe I'm not." I have difficulties asking myself questions pertaining to this and pinpointing a definitive explanation of why I think I am. I have just started to see a therapist about other issues and I plan on bringing this up next time I see him. But, that will be but for a few weeks. Unfortunately, I don't have a few weeks for this assignment.

Second reason is that I'm not sure how the teacher respond, as I assume she reads all of these. Is this even appropriate to write for class? If it is, should I attempt to masquerade it in allegory and such? Our school is on the edge of the south [of the US], which is a region that stereotypically spawns prejudice. I suppose it's not as deterring as 'reason one' but still a problem. Worse case scenario, I have a teacher that hates me for ~15 more days.

Sorry for the banter , just had to get that out there.

 

I don't have to share it with the class, no. I really don't know how I feel about it after reading Groosenator's post. I would like to think I'm comfortable writing this but I might wuss out of it and make something up instead. Conflicted.

If s*it does hit the fan, my parents will probably accept it. They're liberal and have many friends who happen to be gay. Besides that, you're probably right in that I'm not prepared to give information on the topic. I will practice safety If I do decide to pick it.

I had the same "write two essays" idea so I'm not giving you any looks :icon_wink, it's a good idea. I've already told her what I was writing was "kinda personal" so that's already out of the way.

 

I have the essay ready, I'll post it once I've converted it to text.

 

Ruby​

An Allegory (None of this Actually Happened!)​

It was an autumn evening a few years ago when I met Ruby. I was walking along the sidewalk next to a park when I happened upon a bench. I decided to rest myself as I had been walking for some time before. As I sat down, I didn't notice her at first. It took until I heard a few scratches of calcite against the rough concrete to my right for me to finally notice her. It seems she had noticed me as soon as I sat down as she was staring at me by this time. Her hair was to her shoulders, it was wavy but had little curls at the end; it's color was bright red, almost radiating. Her skin was pale, almost as white as the chalk she had been using. Her eyes were a deep hazel with long, black eyelashes. Her gaze was analytically and her mouth acute, as if bored of this turn-of-events. I shifted uncomfortably and looked away after a few moments of this. I was too timid to start a conversation. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her gaze falter into a look of disappointment. She lifted herself off the ground and promptly left, leaving the chalk behind.​

It was the beginning of the following year. I hadn't had a haircut for several months now and it was starting to get long and shaggy. I didn't think much of it. My logic was: if I had long hair in the winter months, my head would be warmer.​

I had returned to the park to sled on the slopes with my younger sister. We were having a blast until I caught a glimpse of her again, Ruby, by the entrance. I got off my sled and told my little sister not to run off and that I'd be right back. ​

I walked up to the park entrance to talk to her. Before I could open my mouth she says:​

"Hi."

Her voice is very feminine, the tone sharp, precise, and piercing. I get slightly startled by this.​

By mistake, I say curtly,"Why are you here again?"

This seemed to put her off quite a bit. She lifts herself from the snow, saying nothing as she leaves once again. I didn't see her face this time but I imagine it's pretty gloomy and sullen.​

I passed by the park a few times after that to see if I could apologize for the misunderstanding but I never saw her. I eventually forgot about it altogether.​

During this time I dyed my hair red and let my hair grow out even more because cute little curls start appearing at the edges of my bangs. I also picked up shaving, as I thought my facial hair made me look ugly and scroungy.​

It wasn't until the previous fall that I saw Ruby again. I was asked by my mother to go to the convenience store, the shortest route going along a road by the park coincidentally. It was on the way back that I saw her across the road along the fence that borders the park. I did a double-take when I saw her, I had completely forgotten about her. I went over there to chat with her.​

I walked up behind her but she didn't hear or notice me. I tapped her shoulder but still to no avail. Suddenly she steps aside from what was diverting her attention. A chalk message.​

"Who are you?"

"I'm Connor, that guy-" I'm interrupted by a stern stare of 'That's not what I mean't.' She adds additional messages:

"What do you look like?"

and

"What do you act like?"

followed by

"Is this who you want to be?"

She gives me the chalk stick and walks away, similar to our previous encounters, leaving me to answer the questions.

 

Thanks a lot! :icon_bigg

There weren't many boundaries our teacher set up, so thankfully, it very likely meets expectation. The exact point in time is based on when I first started questioning my gender, roughly 2 years ago.