Guilt

Well the guilt you are feeling is coming from two main places.

1. Your religion
2. Concerns about your family.

Now I'm not about to tell you to lose your religion, it's not how I roll and I don't imagine it's something you are wanting to do either, so instead we will think of something else!

Let's just forget religion and family for a moment and think about what you want.

You've said you can't have surgery or hormones, so is there anything you CAN do, even if it's small, to make you feel more like the man you are, without conflicting with your beliefs?

 

Well that's a reasonable amount of things you can do without necessarily feeling guilt based on your beliefs. It's not perfect, but it's better than nothing.

If you don't mind me asking, to what extent are your beliefs 'yours'? Is there room for interpretation or is it pretty strict?

 

OK then. So I'll take that to mean that our list of things you could do, probably isn't going to get much bigger before you start conflicting.

That's ok, there is still quite a bit to work with there.

As for your family...you've just told me that you can do these things without conflicting with your beliefs. I am wondering then, if your parents would accept those things and what difference it would make if they don't?

 

I'm familiar with guilt induced by religion. It's one of the major reasons I decided to drop religion altogether. I just got tired of always feeling guilty for being a human being.

 

What religion if I may ask? If it one of the Abrahamic religions (such as Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) a lot of folks in those faiths are LGBT+ and have interpreted the scripture in ways that alow them to live a fully open and happy life.

 

OP, what is your religion? I have dealt a lot with religion and with family so, knowing would help to tailor any advice.

 

Two things I learned the hard way about guilt.

One is that you should only ever feel guilty for things you have control over.

Two is that there is a difference between being a criminal, and having hard choices to make.

 

You will get there. (*hug*)

 

I agree with Ellia.

You should never feel bad for who you are. When you realise that, some of your depression will lift (I've had depression for about a year and a half and it's a journey). It is your religion that is at fault for being anti-trans. Embrace yourself - you come first! It might take a while but learn not to beat yourself up over this. If it is a phase, fine; if it's permanent, that's fine too - but you won't know unless you're honest with and accepting of yourself.

 

If I may pose another question to complement what Ellia mentioned.

Are your religious beliefs truly yours or is it more to do with 'you were raised to believe a certain thing a certain way'?

My opinion, and this is strictly my opinion, is that strict religious principles CAN and are OFTEN imposed on younger generations, "because that's how my parents were raised and how my grandparents were raised, and so on and so on". If your family's religious beliefs are there more because family tradition must be upheld than for the more honest belief in something because you choose to believe something, then really that ceases to be religion (again, just my opinion) and instead becomes a sort of mental/emotional/spiritual tyranny.

 

In some respects I can't relate because I'm not trans; in other respects I can because I'm gay and was Mormon (in many ways still am--it shaped who I am). I can't speak to the actual theology. I think that's an individual thing for everyone. I will speak to the family part. I would have never thought my family could come around and they did--amazingly fast actually. They love me and they love my partner. One of the many good things I have to say about Mormons is that in my experience they love their children with a special intensity. I think you should at least try to get through to them. At least give them the chance to be there to make these easier for you rather than more difficult... Just my opinion obviously...

 

I haven't come across any problems with religion and being transgender so far because my family aren't that religious and neither am I but from what I can see, you are being very respectful of your religion and standing by your beliefs by choosing to forego surgery and hormones. I hope that your family will see that if you ever do decide to come out to them. I like to think that as people become more educated about the LGBTQ community, it will be more widely accepted and people will realise this doesn't mean that you can't and shouldn't follow your religion also.

 

first off i would like to point out that if my advice makes no sense then consider the fact that i was raised until i entered the uu faith as anti christian..

anyway i saw this facebook post and normally i disregard anything to do with god but i actually approved of this post...
it was something like god doesnt make any mistakes therefore you were born this way for a reason (it was lgbt related i just cant remember exactly how they showed that)

and maybe god made you trans to go through the journey that is transitioning and to show others of your faith a new perspective and way to see gods love or something