Does anyone ever feel like they have no control over the outcome of their identity and body, like you're doomed to be what you physically are and not what you feel? And then that delusion just takes over and you become depressed and even suicidal thoughts about it? This is happening more recently and was wondering how people who haven't transitioned cope in their body, and just how they can be as comfortable as they can in the body they're in (not asking necessarily how to love it and want to stay in it, just to accept that that's the way it is just now and to not feel so dissociated from myself and anxious/scared/hopeless/despairing/breakdownish).
I mostly turn to music now, it got me through a lot in high school and it usually still does. Having someone to confide in might help.
I mainly cope because I am on anti depressants/ anti anxiety meds. Apart from that, I try to avoid mirrors as much as possible. Clockworkfox was right. The less I agonize over my appearance the more at peace I feel, even with my 'wrong' body. I also try to remind myself everyday how lucky I am to have a fully functioning and healthy body, despite it not functioning in the way I would like in...certain situations if you get what I'm saying.
I cope because I realize that control is an illusion. No one is really in control of anything. Nature just kind of progresses and evolves... Control is a fantasy and a nightmare that both brings happiness and insanity. I let my body feel what it wants to feel and my mind wander and do as it would like. I stress much less and feel less anxiety... Especially as I approach DDAY! Dress day Lol.
