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Aspergers makes gender-identity confusing 4 me

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Jimmy04093, May 17, 2014.

  1. Jimmy04093

    Regular Member

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    OK, I'm not sure if I'm gay, bi, or just plain straight with an anal fixation. This would be a confusing problem on its own but my Aspergers Syndrome complicates it even further.

    I have known about my aspergers for most of my life, but it has only been in the past year or so that I have actually researched it and found out what it actually is and how it affects me. Yeah, it is kinda weird, but all I knew was that it was something that I had that affected me, and just chalked up anything consistently odd or strange about me to the fact that I had it.
    Basically, it is a mild or "high-functioning" form of Autism. I tend to be quiet and reserved, preferring to sit on the sidelines and shun the limelight due to the fact that I have trouble reading social situations and am very afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. You know, that moment where everybody stops what they're doing and just stares at you thinking "I can't believe he just did that." Have had quite a few of those. But the real kicker is my complete and utter lack of automatic sexual response. A pretty girl or boy, heck even a group of them walking by would fail to catch my eye. I would have to have them pointed out to me, and even then it's more of a "well okay, I guess they're attractive, but so?" Kind of a thing. The same goes for if anyone is hitting on me. Total cluelesness. I am 25 and I haven't even been on a first date for crying out loud! It's like running into a wall at the start of a marathon, only you don't even realize it. :bang:This makes it very hard to find a sexual preference based on feelings. (I have no idea if this is typical of aspergers, as I am only starting to learn about it. I would suggest googling it for more information if anyone cares to know exactly what it is) I have looked at gay and straight porn, and am a little more attracted to the gay stuff. But I'm not sure if this is a preference based on feeling or if it is just because I am going with the closest option I can relate to.

    Recently, and quite by accident, a new medication I have been taking has helped me become more "normal" and not so reserved/apergerish/socially inept. I doubt I would even be writing this if not for this development. It has given me a glimpse of how regular people interact with each other and prompted me to do the same. Like when complete strangers ask you how your day is going without really caring, I never got why until now. Or how people make Smalltalk with complete strangers. I just never understood why they did it if they A) don't care, and B) will likely never see this person again, let alone remember them an hour later. Now I get that it doesn't cost anything and can really only give you a positive outcome, but I digress. While I still don't turn my head or get feelings for someone walking by, it begs the question who am I attracted to? I tend to notice girls more than guys, but I don't really find many guys or girls who stand out. I don't really know where to go from here.
    Any suggestions?