So, firstly, I want to mention how tough of a place I think the world has been for me lately. And I should say that I no longer believe that being female would make me any significantly happier than being a male is. The only major relief being a woman would bring me, and the biggest reason why I'd take it over male (given the choice), is not having to worry about my "status" in society regarding careers. There isn't nearly as much pressure. There are other reasons too. Getting to wear so many pretty outfits (duh!), and being rewarded for sensitivity instead of being punished would be nice treats. It would be so nice to wake up in a nightgown or stroll through the park in a sundress- so yeah, there are definitely quirks, but it would only lift my happiness a few grades. So this being said, I highly doubt being trans would solve my problem, and would produce a myriad of other issues (as if my job situation wasn't bad enough....) So I guess my gender dysphoria isn't so bad. I can put a flower in my hair whenever I dang well please and I at least will have the luxury to crossdress in my home in the future. I dunno, I guess I just wanted to vent. I'm starting to really just be pissed off at society for being such a rigid and cold hearted place (outside of gender perception alone, I just think most of humanity is incredibly narrow minded. Men going to war....women getting raped, etc.). I've heard about more horrors than I can bear and I guess I'm just looking for a few words of encouragement!
(*hug*) I'm so sorry you are in such a painful place right now. I hope that EC can at least be a comfort to you!
(*hug*) Awwww. I hope one day it will be socially acceptable for people to wear what they want. Like StayJay said, I hope EC can comfort you and help you out! On the bright side, at least you don't have to have periods! :icon_wink
Unfortunately, it does seem like the majority of humanity is very narrow-minded, and as a result, society is a cold, rigid thing, as much as I wish I could disagree. It sounds like you've done a lot of thinking, and I'm glad you won't let your gender restrict you to society's limited ideals! Put a flower in your hair - hey, make a whole flower crown! Why not? You're not hurting anyone, and if you want to do it, why shouldn't you? The way I see it, pretty much everything is gender neutral. People are all collectives of one, individuals first and foremost with their own likes and dislikes, drives and desires. If you like something, whether it's socially construed as masculine or feminine is invalid - it's yours. I wish more people shared this sentiment. I think the world would be a friendlier place as a whole if they did. I hope this is at least somewhat encouraging, and in the way that you're looking for. And I hope EC can keep helping you through this tough time in your life. (*hug*)
I'm sorry you feel that way. (*hug*) But always remember only you know what's right for you. If you feel that being trans is not for you. Then you really know what you want and need.
Thanks to all of you so much for your encouragement! *Hugs* I'll be alright, we all have to cope with a deal of suffering in some ways, some of us more than others. We are all definitely used to it, that's why we're here. Though, I will say, I think the biggest appeal of being a girl would be those extra few grades of happiness...anything that eases the pain and brings us at least a little bit of extra joy is amazing. Even if it would come to something simple as someone complimenting me on a pretty outfit. And yes, this holds especially true when it comes to career expectations! I just would want to find a girlfriend who loves me for me...not my status in this world. But yeah, it's somewhat ambiguous, I wouldn't even know for sure that I would have been happier as a girl. So I guess it's a somewhat separate issue from being trans. I just really wish I could tell someone more about this.
Would a local LGBT center be willing to sit down and talk with me about this? For the first time, I really feel the need to vent this out to someone, it's serious enough now where I would rather not keep this to myself.
Thank you all so much. For whatever reason, I cannot counter this feeling, it's a creepy feeling with a lot of uncertainty. Would I be that much happier if I was able to be feminine sometimes? It's also hard to put my finger on, because the times I get the strongest urges to act feminine are the times I am the most horny. So I don't know if this is a fetish or what...
Seriously, I relate to every bit of that. ...Except for being trans, though, I'm fine with my body enough to get through the day okay, and it all just seems too much to go through to me. I have the utmost respect for all of you who have the courage to proceed with transitioning. But yeah, I greatly understand your frustration. I would walk around clad in beautiful skirts, dresses, and accessories every day if people just didn't stare or make rude remarks - it feels most natural and expressive on me. The violence I've heard related to someone crossdressing makes me cringe whenever I think of going out dressed like that. I really wish most people didn't just judge based on society's perception on what men and women "should" wear. I mean, not all of us like to wear certain kinds of clothes, why can't that extend over to "gender-specific" clothes? I go through the same thing, but I'm not sure it's a fetish - at least personally it doesn't feel like a fetish. I think it's just that your femininity is so much a part of you, and you express yourself more that way anyway, that your sexual urges naturally don't feel repressed. That's just my thoughts, though. Good to meet someone else on here who isn't much different. ^___^ Enjoy your time, here.
I don't personally feel like a man, but being a woman wouldn't be a nice match for me either, although it would probably be a bit easier. I've long since decided that If I want to do or wear something, I'm not going to let the fact that I have a penis stop me.
I guess that's essentially how I feel, yeah, it's a pleasure to meet you too That's definitely admirable. Yeah, I don't know that I would say that I would be perfect as a woman either, but like you said, it would probably at least be a bit easier to feel more like myself. Who knows.... I could have been anyone or anything in this world- maybe I'd feel great as a woman in the States but not so much if I were oppressed in the Middle East or something. So it goes beyond gender roles- it's about societal roles in general and the unfortunate oppression that takes place based on who we are. I could not let the fact that I have a penis stop me from wearing what I want either, but unfortunately, the bad responses and even violent ones towards crossdressing negate any positivity and joy I would get to feel walking around in cute and pretty garments :/. This is much less true with pretty long hair, but I even had to cut that because as a whole girls prefer me with short hair. So it's either have short hair and date women, or have long hair and be lonely (not to that extreme, perhaps, but it makes a difference). Plus, long hair is much less acceptable in the workplace, it's hard to win with that. The most selfish thing I can do is conform, catch 22. Sad fact though, is I often like girls with long hair, so I'm no better than the rest of 'em I guess.
I know what you mean, I recently had to get my hair cut to better my chances at getting a job. R.I.P. long, beautiful, curly locks... :'C But once I get a job, I'll let the ol' "foot in the door" technique work its magic and let my hair grow out without drawing too much concern. Maybe the same could apply to you and dating. ^___^
I know how you feel about the hair, believe me :/. If dating isn't a concern for me, than jobs are (they're often intertwined)- and it's just easier to walk around without people asking me when I'm going to cut my hair, as if I were doing a bad thing. And in the long run, it's very easy to feel resentful about stuff like that. I'm hanging in there, I just wish I knew how it felt to really be my authentic self. There's probably no question that I have a feminine side that really wants to be expressed, but the question is, how strong is it? Is it a slight urge, or is it a very domineering part of my life? Only recently has it seemed to have gotten worse. Like I said, I really wish I could talk to someone about this, would the LGBT center be of help?
