Said to some friends I was trans and it felt wrong

(*hug*) Ask yourself these things:
-How do you want people to see you (pronouns, how you act, and such).
-If you were able to snap your fingers and be a girl forever would you?
-If you were able to snap your fingers and be a boy forever would you?
-If you were able to snap your fingers and be neither and/or both forever would you?
-How do you feel about your body?

Hope that helped a bit!

 

Hey

The first few times I came out as trans, it didn't seem right either. I thought it would be like lifting a big weight off my shoulders, but it's like something in my guts just snapped instead, and left this gaping, heavy void. I felt open and vulnerable and anxious, and i wanted to backpedal and try saying something else, anything else. Suddenly I saw myself in the moment, for the first time in a long time. Sitting there in my friend's kitchen in my awkward-fitting boy clothes, with my choppy hair cut and my puffy feminine features, and that internal image of myself that drove me to come out felt all at once illusionary. I became all too aware of everything that I had going against me, and the reality of where I am and where I feel I should be and how many worlds apart they are was so striking that when I was asked why I felt the way I do, how I know for sure I'm not comfortable living as a girl anymore, all I could squeak out was a pitiful, "I don't know".

It was the first time I ever actually vocalised it, actually said the words aloud. "I am transgender". And even though it had been clear in my mind for months at that point, and I'd been questioning myself for years, it was the first time it really hit me what that really meant.

If these people are some of the first you've told, maybe you're experiencing something similar? It's sort of funny how something you tell yourself inside your own head a million times, or tell people online, can be so shocking when you actually say it out loud. But you've said it now, it's out in the open. Don't backpedal. It's perfectly alright to come out again later as something more specific (bigender) or general (queer) if you think you've found something that describes your gender better, and it doesn't invalidate the things you feel now.

Give yourself a couple of days to calmly mill everything over. Techno Kid posted some questions that you've likely already asked yourself a hundred times, but ask them again. They'll help put things into perspective. On particularly bad days when I'm not sure I've been being honest with myself and I'm feeling sort of unreal, I'll ask myself similar questions as a bit of a reality check. Sometimes you won't have all the answers, but you're bound to get to a point where you do.

 

It's kind of an odd thing to say out loud at first, but it should get easier to say.

 

People change. Even my friend isn't exactly 100% sure how to react and what not. The problem with the way people see trans people is that because they want to change physically is that they are somehow mentally different.

No, you're the same person.


Also ask yourself this. If you avoid doing things you consider transgender, ask how much you feel like coming back to it. If your desires to be male doesn't subside and comes back, then analyze that.

When I forsake being female it comes back invariably.

 

It can be scary, almost alienating telling something to someone that has a social stigma attached to it, even if that someone is your best friend since you were 5. It felt like I was swallowing a watermelon whole while juggling chainsaws on-top a bed of nails when I told my Older brother & my Mom I was trans, and there is no one that I am closer to then those 2 people.

You may even try to repress it by making yourself feel that it is wrong. that this isn't what you are because society says its wrong.
Sometimes I feel like giving up and go back to being a guy, because some days I just feel like I can't handle this... I don't deserve this... I don't want this thrusted upon me... but then... then I reflect on everything... when I was a guy I was a hermit, I was going no where in my life, and I was unhappy daily. Today I have a solid Career, I love going out (Most days), and I am 4 months sober.
This isn't the ideal path in life, but somewhere someone looks up to me, so I can't be weak.
As Eminem says "Success is my only motherf**cking option, failure's not"

And as for the help stuff... Sorry you had those experiences with these forums... but feel free to ask me directly either by posting on my wall, or via private messaging ^^

 

I'm no expert but it sounds like you are splitting yourself off from being transgender. It's as though you see transgender as something separate to yourself, that's not you. Don't know if I'm making sense? But if I am and you're sitting there think thinking that you feel trans but at the same time, thinking that can't be you, then I'd say that's pretty normal.

Maybe this whole thing of telling your friends that you're trans and it feeling wrong could be just that you haven't accepted it yourself yet? Maybe that's why it feels unreal?

 

Hmmm....I'm not sure then. I mean I know the first time I tried on men's clothing felt really really wrong. And so did the first time someone used my new name. It didn't feel any better than my birth name but in a different way but now I'm starting to get used to it. Even though I've been thinking I'm trans for 2 years, it only just has started to feel ok wearing men's clothing. So maybe these things take longer to process mentally than we think???

 

It was weird for me to tell people as well. For me, even though I had told them, I still felt the need to hide that side of myself from people. It took me a long time to tear down the wall that I had built up in order to hide the male side of myself.

So, as time goes on, I think that you will feel more comfortable with them knowing. Right now, it's just more of a shock that people know.

 

:smilewave Hello, me. :bang: