I am not yet in a place in my life where i can fully transform. It's hard to be beautiful from the thighs down but still have a muscular upper body. I'm taking estrogen boosters as i haven't been cleared for HRT yet. I'm starting to see changes in hair and in my breasts, but this is all happening too fast. I might have to leave this backwards-ass state and move to the arc or colorado. 3 weeks ago I thought i could trust a girlfriend and told her about me, well she told her guy friends and they took turns raping me calling me a fag and a queer when i'm a gay mtf(only attracted emotionally to women, men are just sex toys). I absolutely adore women and I want to be one so bad, but ever time i look in the mirror i get physically ill when i see me from thighs up. i'm so heart broken that i can barely muster the courage to go to work as a man(my man camo as i call it). I'm tired of hiding who I am. Suicide is not an answer for me, even though it's all i can think about. i have no support down here, i've never felt more alone. to quote a song "If I can't be my own, I'd feel better dead." WEll, that's about how i'm feeling today. I don't know where else to go from here:bang:
Im so happy that you also think that suicide is not the answer. But all I have to tell you is that you have to stay strong and if your area does suck if you have the means to move into an appartment in another state go for it. Be strong its not an easy fight but hang in there good things will come you have my support.
Dudes called you queer while touching you? That's yeah... I'm not going to pretend I've ever dealt with that ot that I know the feeling. Are you ok physically? Can you get medical attention and make sure they didn't give you an std? I know the people here will help the best they can, but is there no one near you that you can trust or that can take care of you? I'm sorry I'm not able to be of more help. Is there anything we can do?
