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Apologetic (warning: rant)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Gates, May 19, 2014.

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  1. Gates

    Gates Guest

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    I would like to take this opportunity to rant about the general state of trans* affairs. I have noticed within myself and others IRL as well as in many members of this site a compulsion to apologize for simply existing. We seem to apologize simultaneously for being transgender, for not looking the same as cisgender people, and for having to transition (in one way or another). To be overly-dramatic about it, it's as if the gospel according to trans* people is:
    1) I'm sorry that I can't live in the gender society assigned to me.
    2) I'm sorry that I don't have (insert primary or secondary sexual characteristic here).
    3) I'm sorry that I do/ don't have curves that make clothes fit differently.
    4) I'm sorry that I do/ don't have body hair.
    5) I'm sorry that I'm soft-looking for a man or have more defined features for a woman.
    6) I'm sorry that I confuse people.
    7) I'm sorry that I can't get (someone) pregnant.
    8) I'm sorry that I'm not what society has conditioned brainwashed me into thinking is "normal."

    this all sounds like: "I'm sorry that I exist" to me...

    Why? What is so "wrong" with us that we feel the constant need to apologize to society at large? Nothing as far as I'm concerned. None of us chose the bodies we were born into. None of us chose what hormones went wild during puberty. None of us chose the way in which we and the rest of society has been conditioned regarding gender. And even if we had been able to chose to be transgender, there is nothing wrong with it to begin with. We aren't depriving anyone of anything. We aren't stealing away our parents' sons or daughters. We aren't "passing" or not. We are passing when we pretend to be what we are not - that is when we are in drag and when we are lying and depriving others of us.

    It's unacceptable to me that many of us live our lives on our knees, genuflecting to society as if only our compliance to subjugation could possibly make up for our existence. We are not fundamentally different from cisgender people. I'm tired of being apologetic.
     
    #1 Gates, May 19, 2014
  2. AudreyB

    AudreyB Guest

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    ^ Such strength in these words, and such truth. It needed to be said. Thank you for being the one to say it. :slight_smile:

    Now just gotta teach myself to take it to heart...
     
    #2 AudreyB, May 19, 2014
  3. Kasey

    Kasey
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    You know I can't keep up with your introspective and philosophical insight, but I'll cite the green Jedi master in regards to point 8.

    "You must unlearn what you have learned."
     
    #3 Kasey, May 19, 2014
  4. Stacy in MA

    Stacy in MA
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    As usual, succinctly and beautifully put. I just posted this is another thread, but it surely belongs here...

    "Gates, you really are a mensch and wise beyond your years."
     
    #4 Stacy in MA, May 19, 2014
  5. Gates

    Gates Guest

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    Neither can I, Kasey. There's too much inside of me. It's only recently that I'm beginning to channel it; I use to live in chaos all of the time. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't organize it all. Slowly, it's coming together. Sometimes, it feels like I'm burning myself from the inside. I wonder what will be left when this chrysalis stage draws to an end.
     
    #5 Gates, May 19, 2014
  6. AudreyB

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    Thank you for being here for us and for giving us a voice when ours fails. :slight_smile: Its very unselfish of you.
     
    #6 AudreyB, May 19, 2014
  7. Gates

    Gates Guest

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    Haha, you give me far too much credit. But thanks. (*hug*)
     
    #7 Gates, May 19, 2014
  8. AudreyB

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    ^ Apologizing? Tsk tsk. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #8 AudreyB, May 19, 2014
  9. SamThes

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    Thank you for this. I kind of really needed to hear this. Beautifully put. :slight_smile:
     
    #9 SamThes, May 19, 2014
  10. Monika the Diva

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    Well put, I dont think anyone could've put this like you did Tristan. I wish I could put things so eloquently like you. Thanks :slight_smile:
     
    #10 Monika the Diva, May 19, 2014
  11. Gates

    Gates Guest

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    #11 Gates, May 19, 2014
  12. Zeeque

    Zeeque
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    I dont useally get teary but, this one thread got me thinking of my mom..
    Im sorry im not the son you thought i was ,_,
     
    #12 Zeeque, May 19, 2014
  13. Dinah

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    [​IMG]
     
    #13 Dinah, May 19, 2014
  14. Gates

    Gates Guest

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    But the reality is that she never had a son. She has a daughter, and she should be proud of that fact. (*hug*)
     
    #14 Gates, May 19, 2014
  15. Acm

    Acm Guest

    I think stuff like this a lot, I should try to remember this list :eusa_doh:
     
    #15 Acm, May 19, 2014
  16. KyleCats

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    Heh. I had this after I got my hair cut and everyone was telling me how great I look. A couple of my ex boyfriends sent very sweet messages and it made me feel absolutely horrible. Like I was denying them something they still cared for. I just felt bad and sorry for not being able to reciprocate. It really fucked me up for a couple days.

    So, yeah. Good words here. Good message. Need to remember that.
     
    #16 KyleCats, May 19, 2014
  17. sherlock

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    #17 sherlock, May 19, 2014
  18. Gates

    Gates Guest

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    (!)
     
    #18 Gates, May 19, 2014
  19. Lawrence

    Lawrence
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    I agree with you. It's almost amusing how I went from pride of the family to shame of the family... simply by coming out. It's as if some people think that my ONE and ONLY characteristic is that I'm a trans guy. Yes, ignore everything else and stop seeing me as a person. WTF.
     
    #19 Lawrence, May 19, 2014
  20. Techno Kid

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    #20 Techno Kid, May 19, 2014
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