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Scared to come out

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by jesseve, May 20, 2014.

  1. jesseve

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Canberra, Australia
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hi, I'm a 23-year old law student who's frightened of coming out as trans.

    When I was young, I used to pray to God repeatedly for my body to transform into a girl's body. I was really disappointed that my body remained male, while my brain was undoubtedly female.

    I hated having my male genitals, and even tried to damage them. I hated going to the barber to have my hair cut short. As I grew older and underwent puberty, I was distraught at my deepened voice and hairy legs.

    I am sure that I am a girl trapped in a male body. I have hidden my gender identity from everyone, including family and friends. Now, my gender dysphoria has reached a peak. I have even considered meeting a doctor and getting hormones to start my transition.

    However, I have this dilemma within me. I am afraid of what people will think of me if I transition, especially my friends and family. My family is Christian and conservative, so I am afraid that they won't accept me as a girl.

    I personally believe that there's nothing wrong with being trans. I didn't choose to be trans, and I certainly can't stop being trans no matter how hard I try. However, I am scared and feel as though I can't tell my family and friends how I really feel.

    Now, I'm desperate. Help! :confused:
     
  2. Gates

    Gates Guest

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    Out to everyone
    Hey,

    So, I'm a 26 year old grad student and while I've been living as male sans binding for 14 years, I just recently came out to my family. They were very... 'discouraging' of my gender non-conformity when I was growing up but at a certain point, I just decided that no one else can live my life for me. There's still a lot that needs to be cleared up with my mother but they'll accept it because they don't have much choice. Most people aren't evil so, even if it takes a long time, I think that your parents will come around. :slight_smile:

    You need to focus on what you're feeling and let that guide you. You sound completely resolute so, I'd say that you should contact CAPS and start looking at transition.

    Just my two cents. :slight_smile: Welcome to EC!!
     
  3. jesseve

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Female (trans*)
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thanks for your reply! :slight_smile:

    Yeah, I guess I should take the first step and transition. Guess I have to overcome my fears... though it's hard and the fear seems to be crippling me and holding me back.
     
  4. BookDragon

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    If the fear is getting to you, then try thinking about things a different way. Just for a little while, run the following through your head and see if it helps. It might not, but it's worth a try.

    You are FORBIDDEN to 'transition'. OK? Banned. Never going to happen. You are NOT ALLOWED to go through with this act of 'transition'.

    Instead, you are going to make little changes here and there that make you happy. Little insignificant things.

    Perhaps you will grow your hair a bit. Maybe you will shave your body. Or perhaps you'll stop biting your finger nails.

    You'll do little things. You are allowed to do little things. Little things that don't mean anything. Superficial things.

    Why? Because 'transition' is a big, scary thing. We all make that mistake of seeing it as a whole instead of a million tiny little things.

    Was I scared of transition? Yeah. Does shaving my legs scare me? Hell no.

    Try to stop thinking about 'transition' and start thinking about little, seemingly insignificant changes you can make that will help you feel comfortable. Before you know it your transition is well under way and it wasn't half as scary!
     
  5. hiddenxrainbows

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    First off, breathe. You're not the only one who feels this way, and you certainly won't be the last. I can definitely relate. I finally came to the realization that I'm a man a month or two ago. I think I knew a little bit before that, but I was scared to admit it to myself. Now, I know and am desperately trying to get the courage to come out and start transitioning.

    It is really hard, though. Only three people know I'm trans: my boyfriend, therapist, and my friend who also happens to be trans. I haven't told anyone else yet. I have a few people in mind to tell, but I'm scared shitless of actually saying it to them. It's not an easy thing to say, especially when you're afraid that they'll reject you because of their religious beliefs. My dad is extremely religious and hates the LGBT community. The rest of my family isn't religious, but most of them are extremely prejudice and ignorant when it comes to the LGBT community. So I can relate to how you feel. I am extremely afraid of telling anyone else, even though none of the people I've told so far have reacted badly at all. They're all okay with it. And I know most of my close friends, if not all, would come around to accept me too. After all, our group already has a transguy and they're all okay with him. But I'm still scared shitless. But the more time passes, the more I think about it and the more desperate I feel. I NEED to break out of this shell and finally be my true self, I NEED to finally start working on getting the RIGHT body, but I'm scared to start going in that direction. Because my family will probably attack me for it. I just got promoted at work, but I'll probably be taken less seriously there when people find out; I might even get fired, even if it is illegal to fire me for it. It's a scary thing.

    And I don't really have advice, except try to just breathe and not get overwhelmed by this. I know it's hard, though. I mainly just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.
     
  6. jesseve

    Regular Member

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    Thanks ElliaOtaku and hiddenxrainbows for the advice and encouragement! :slight_smile:

    Now I know I'm not alone and there are people who can relate to my fears and struggles. I know that I have to be brave and be who I really am inside. It's not going to be easy, but I have to take those little steps forward and hope everything will be all right in the end.
     
  7. hiddenxrainbows

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    No problem! Little steps are definitely a good idea! Trying to tackle too much at once can be just as harmful as keeping it all in.

    If you ever need someone to vent to, you can always message me or write on my wall! I'm on the internet a lot, and I love helping people!
     
  8. BookDragon

    Full Member

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    Out to everyone
    hope everything will be all right in the end

    When is 'the end' exactly? When does 'transition' stop? At what point can you hold your hands up and say that you are 'woman enough'?

    These might seem odd questions but they are important to consider.

    If you keep hoping for this 'end', this 'goal', a goal you can't even properly define, you will end up disappointing yourself.

    Each little thing you do should be something you are doing to make you feel comfortable and happy.

    If you grow your hair, you don't do it to look like a woman, you do it because you want it grown.

    Each little thing you do should bring you some happiness in some way. It should feel natural to you. You don't want to be 'a woman', you want to be 'jesseve (f)' (that works better with your real name ;D )

    Focus on the little things and the whole thing will come together on it's own.