Hello again everyone Okay, I came out about a month ago and now I am free to be me. I am very butch, and it feels right to wear these clothes. I wear mens clothes all the time, and I use mens stuff. And I still identify as female. I am not trans, just very butch. Today, I dressed up in a suit and tie. I showed my step sister and she talked to me. She is straight with a lot of gay friends. She told me to wear feminine clothes and be myself and to be gay in a better way. That I needed to tone it down. The problem is, I am being myself. I love wearing these clothes, and I hate girly clothes. I love wearing that rainbow band. I love expressing myself through my dress. I have attracted a few girls so far. My family is very conservative and my parents do not condone my sexuality. With the step sister (who's a little more accepting than the other one) she wants me to be more girly. She wants me to ditch mens clothes and I don't. She thinks I'll scare people away, and people have actually congratulated me. She thinks its a call to attention, but I just like showing it. She thinks I'm hiding my beauty, but I feel so right in these clothes. What do I do?
Do you tell other people how you think they should dress? I bet you don't. I don't see any reason why they should have any say in what you wear. If it makes you happy, then they should be happy. They don't like your for what you wear, they like you for who you are; and this is part of who you are. You should just tell them flat out - "I'm not changing. This is how it is. Take it or leave it". "She thinks its a call to attention, but I just like showing it" I don't understand why she'd think this? Doesn't everyone dress to feel comfortable and call the attention of people who find your confidence attractive? In short, you are you. This isn't their life, so don't mind them. People have been saying the same things to me my whole life. I like to respond with "Thanks, but not thanks".
They're clothes. Think of clothes as just clothes and don't put a sex label on them. You're the one wearing them, you're the one that gets to decide what to put on your body.
If you feel best dressed liked that, stick with it! Express yourself in whatever makes you feel most attractive. It's your fashion, you decide what to do with it and nobody else should judge. After all, what's wrong with wearing a suit and tie? It makes any person (male, female, or both) look confident, tidy, and suave. ^___^
Being comfortable in your clothes = being yourself = being confident = being happy = being beautiful Tell her to mind her business!
Clothes change over time, sad that they're labeled by gender. Wear what makes you comfortable, dress for yourself ;D
I don't understand why they think the way I'm acting is not how gay people act. Personally, I felt this way for a very long time, and I'm finally free. She says that "Nobody gives a sh*t" but I just love wearing the rainbow band and the boyish clothes. It feels natural. It does kinda hurt to hear it.
You're not being a generic "gay person," you're being yourself. So whatever stereotypes other people may have in their minds don't apply to you. I ran across a wonderful piece of advice a couple of weeks ago: I would say that that advice applies to your conversation with your sister.
If someone was going to use your sole personage to represent an entire group of people, they were probably discriminatory anyway. Regardless, it shouldn't be about the way you dress, just your actions.
I am pretty sane about it. The most I wear is a rainbow bracelet and a cross necklace with a double venus sign. I only am very expressive of it when I'm around my affirming or gay friends. Heck, I get lectured if I wear rainbow or keep the necklace visible.
There's nothing wrong with masculine lesbians, or even masculine straight girls. Clothes are just clothes, it should be no one's business but your own.
I think you should wear whatever you want to. Like Acm said, it's none of their business what you wear. ride:
Maybe she wouldn't want you to represent the LGBT community because you're making it "too gay" for her with your choice of expression. Which just means that she's the one with the problem, because she only cares about the queer people that blend in, because they're "just like normal people, only queer". I don't mean to jump to conclusions or anything. I just mean to make a point. If anyone else were to throw similar comments at you, what would you think of them and their opinions? It doesn't matter how many gay friends you have, the shitty comments still hurt and are still unacceptable. She's only right about one thing - that you need to be yourself. And from what you've expressed on this forum you like to dress butch, so whether she likes it or not is irrelevent - dressing butch is your way of expressing yourself and it makes you happy!
Thanks again y'all. I'll be who I am. All the way. No shame. I don't like getting criticized for wearing boys clothes, I just feel natural in them. I don't want to dress girly or any of that and still be female.
First of all BaptistLesbian I think the LGBT community needs more visibility and I think I DO want you representing me! I wish I were brave enough to wear more butch clothes but I put effort into blending in, especially since I'm not 100% gay and I'm not 100% sure I feel like I can't wear very masculine things... I'm working on it. But anyways I bet you look awesome and you should keep looking awesome. I agree with clockworkfox, she is definitely the problem here. A certain kind of "ally lite" attitude has become trendy: you can say you support gay rights and not have a problem with LGBT people but still have this reactionary gut instinct and express displeasure with gay people "shoving it down our throats". What they don't realize is that this attitude is just as hurtful. Maybe she just needs to be better informed; I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt here. Tell her exactly why this attitude is hurting you; you're not being anyone but yourself and you have it from a certified LGBT person that we do want you representing us. I can produce said certificate upon request.
Quit worrying about what other people think. Brené Brown talks about this in a very simple way: She says that in her wallet is a very tiny piece of paper with the names of people whose opinions matter. Her list has three people on it. And these are people who love her not in spite of her imperfections or problems, but because of them. Your parents are not people who love you unconditionally, so they don't belong on your list. Maybe you don't yet have anyone who deserves a place on that list, but that's OK. What you need to work on is being who you are, and loving yourself for who you are, and believing that you are enough exactly as you are. And I think you're already taking those steps. It can be really hard, particularly when you've grown up in a very judgmental home, to let go of what other people think, but it's crucial to your self esteem and wholeheartedness. You're on the right track.
Miss BaptistLesbian.... Don't listen to the nay-sayers. Seriously, if you're happy the way you are, why ruin a good thing just to make other people happy? If they see you being happy with the way you dress, they can't keep criticizing you forever. I know the feeling. I came out to my sister as trans, and she didn't take it well at all. In fact, she flat-out insulted me for being masculine. I know, though, that she, like your family, is probably just saying what they're saying because they see the old you as the real you. In time, they'll see, though. Keep your chin up.
thanks guys, I really appreciate the advice. I love your words and I will take them and put them into use. Definitely. I am saving this in my Browser. I love y'all. Thanks.
