Confusing gender/sexual identity, is it okay to oversimplify for people to understand

There should be a question mark in the title, but I can't fit it in. Oh well. I explained this a bit more in the introductions section of the forums, but I'm what I would call gender ambivalent. I don't really care about the gender of people I would enter a relationship with, any biological sex, gender identity or lack there of. I don't think it's a complete after thought, for example I would think facial hair would be a lot more attractive on a man than a woman, but I'm pretty sure most anyone feels that way. I'm 18, but I've never been in a relationship, however I'm certain of my sexuality, I know what I like in a relationship just like I would know what I want out anything. I would characterize just about any attraction I've had to someone as primarily romantic with sex as an afterthought, and I have had feelings for men, women, and two transgendered women. I also know that I could be attracted to a transgendered man, I find the idea attractive, I've just never met one in person. I think if I ever found someone who had the same type of identity as I do about my gender and sexuality, I would cling on to them and never let go, wether they would be a friend or a partner.

My gender is once again a case of ambivalence. For a long time I wondered what I was, and recently came to realize that I'm different because I don't care what my gender is. I used to have long hair, and about 80% of strangers would use female pronouns on me, a few young people would recognize me as male, and then the rest avoided using any gender specific pronouns, presumably to avoid offending me. I felt that female pronouns fit me a bit more than male ones, but not enough that I would want to switch over. Most of my interests are more feminine than masculine, and If I didn't have a great deal of sensitivity, my clothing would be a bit more feminine in nature. For a while I thought I was an effeminate gay man, but then I realized that I'm not a man, so I thought I was transgendered. But then I realized I didn't want to become a woman that much either, and that as a woman I would face the same problems of not fitting in to my gender as I did as a man. Recently I'm pretty sure that I just don't care what I am. For most people gender is a huge part of their identity, but I never really let it decide who I am.

The thing is I honestly feel a bit ridiculous with such a weird identity. I'd feel silly asking people to refer to me with gender neutral pronouns, and nobody has any clue what Gender Ambivalent would mean, probably because I had to come up with the term myself. Maybe the closest semi normal orientation I could identify with is simply "Queer", but most people don't know exactly what that means, so when someone asks me what sexual orientation I am, or what gender I am, I just say "bisexual man". It's something people know about and at least sort of accept. I don't particularly like the label bisexual, because a lot of people still are very misinformed on what that means (No, it doesn't mean I'm taking a pit stop on the trip to gayville, it doesn't mean I'm straight and trying to look cool, and it certainly doesn't mean I want to be in a threesome or cheat on my partner). You might say my identity sounds crazy, but considering I have schizoaffective disorder, I'm willing to bet everything about me would be considered crazy.

So I guess what this all boils down to is do you think it's okay for me to over simplify what I am just to save time? And a second question is do you think anyone that isn't like me (are there people like me? Hmm) would be attracted to me if they knew all of this? I've had people approach me telling me that they liked me, but it seems like nobody I could actually date has. I've had three people that have ever actually seen me say they like me, and every time it was someone who wouldn't be a good match. The first time I was still a little kid, the second time it was someone who is 13 years old, and the next time I had an instinct to stay away, and it turned out to be right when she turned out to be a pathological lier that thinks she's a vampire. I kid you not.

Well anyways, I thank anyone who actually bothered to read all of that, I certainly didn't make it easy on you. My gender identity and sexual orientation are hardly the most interesting thing about me, and to explain who I am would probably take a whole instructional booklet. I'm that strange.

 

Re: Confusing gender/sexual identity, is it okay to oversimplify for people to unders

I think it is entirely up to you to explain your gender and sexuality to others in any way you are comfortable with - especially considering you have not found a label that you feel fits you well. I sympathize with you on this last point especially. :icon_bigg

 

Re: Confusing gender/sexual identity, is it okay to oversimplify for people to unders

I feel that there's no problem simplifying your gender and orientation, if you're ok with doing so. However, if it bothers you to oversimplify your gender and orientation so much, then I think that telling people wouldn't be a terrible idea. Do whatever makes you most comfortable and happy. Just a thought.

 

Re: Confusing gender/sexual identity, is it okay to oversimplify for people to unders

K.i.s.s. lol no but really simplify if you need to do so, if that bothers you then don't if someone asks and you say anyone, and they go "so you're Bi?" simplified, if it bothers you correct them I feel we're about 20 years away from everyone grasping the concept of pansexual and other orientation terms. Since the two gender thing is still being pounded into children

 

Re: Confusing gender/sexual identity, is it okay to oversimplify for people to unders

Yup. Once "the talk" comes between me and my family, bi is the most complicated description of my sexuality that I will bother using. Even entertaining the notion of using pansexual is liable to sabotage any remotest hope of understanding (if not respect) coming out of the conversation.

 

Re: Confusing gender/sexual identity, is it okay to oversimplify for people to unders

I've given some thought on wether pansexual would be a better term than bisexual, but I realized that I do appreciate certain aesthetics, and I am capable of being attracted to someone within seconds after hearing their voice. Most people who have told me they are pansexual have described it as being entirely based on personality. I'm not sure if that's the only definition, in fact I've seen it defined as gender blindness, which is very similar to my term of gender ambivalence. But still, pansexual has the same problem as what me explaining everything I did in my original post. It would require to much explanation to the average person. A lot of LGBT people don't even know what it is.