Empty Closets Coming Out Resources and a Safe Place to Chat
Welcome Forum Chat Room Resources News Members

Go Back   Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out > Support Area > Gender Identity and Expression

Gender Identity and Expression A forum for support and advice about figuring out and expressing your gender identity. If you have concerns about coming out, please use the Coming Out Advice forum.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 24th May 2014, 12:07 AM   #1
EC Addict
Full Member
 
mangotree's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: Queensland, Australia
Age: 34
Posts: 1,404
Join Date: May 2014


Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

You might have seen my other thread about discovering that I'm very attracted to men that happen to be trans men / FTM.
I think (hope) it's only a matter of time before I go on a date and I don't want to be one of those ignorant wankers who asks stupid questions, so if it's alright, I might ask a few here.
I really want to just treat them like every other man I've dated, but I don't want to say/ask anything unintentionally offensive with regards to their past or their lives.

I'm curious to know things like:
Do you generally not tell anyone (that you were born in a female body) unless they ask?
For someone who is comfortable in their (new) body, are there any other things to do with gender identity or sexuality that you struggle with?
What kinds of discrimination, misconceptions, assumptions or ignorance do you face day to day if any?
What effects do hormones have on you other than growing facial/body hair?
What would happen if you stopped taking hormones?
I assume most trans men prefer male pronouns?

Is it rude to ask:
Did you always know you were a boy/man / born in the wrong body? (Is it just like asking a gay man when they realised they were gay?)
When did you start transitioning?
When did you first start dressing like a boy/man and how did it make you feel?
When did you have your surgery?
Are your parents supportive of you being trans and/or gay?
Have you changed your gender on your passport / birth certificate etc..?
How did you choose your male name?
What was your birth name?

Feel free to add any more (perhaps common) questions that I should NOT ask.
And any that would be really good to ask as well.

Any terminology that I shouldn't use as well.

Sorry again if any of this is offensive.

Peace be with you all.
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel
because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind.
- Dr. Seuss
mangotree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 12:36 AM   #2
Banned
 

Gender: Female
Orientation: Lesbian
Out Status: Out to friends not out to homphobic parents
Location: New England
Age: 28
Posts: 7,780
Join Date: Jul 2013


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

wow I feel a little bad even though i never asked such questions
stocking is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 12:43 AM   #3
EC Addict
Full Member
Threadstarter
 
mangotree's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: Queensland, Australia
Age: 34
Posts: 1,404
Join Date: May 2014


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

Quote:
Originally Posted by stocking View Post
wow I feel a little bad even though i never asked such questions
not sure what you mean :-/
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel
because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind.
- Dr. Seuss
mangotree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 12:47 AM   #4
Banned
 

Gender: Female
Orientation: Lesbian
Out Status: Out to friends not out to homphobic parents
Location: New England
Age: 28
Posts: 7,780
Join Date: Jul 2013


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

Quote:
Originally Posted by mangotree View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by stocking View Post
wow I feel a little bad even though i never asked such questions
not sure what you mean :-/
I meant I always wanted to ask questions to trans people just to learn something about them and understand them more but this is why I never asked because I always thought they would consider my questions dumb or offensive so I just assumed
stocking is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 12:54 AM   #5
drwinchester
Guest
 
Posts: n/a

Tournaments Won: 75

Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

Do you generally not tell anyone (that you were born in a female body) unless they ask?
Most people who know me right now know that I'm trans simply because I either knew them before I came out or because I either met them in an LGBT context or they just guessed I was FAAB (my voice is a dead give-away). I generally don't tell anyone unless I feel that knowledge would be of use (like if I'm trying to help out another trans guy online)

For someone who is comfortable in their (new) body, are there any other things to do with gender identity or sexuality that you struggle with?

Still not at a point where I'm anywhere near comfortable in my body. I'm still pre-op and pre-testosterone. But things have gotten better now that I'm full-time and I pass on a regular basis as a guy. I struggle on a regular basis with my body and dysphoria. And even though I'm a bisexual, I sometimes struggle with my sexuality. I'm often more sexually attracted to men than I am to women but I'm not exclusively attracted to men.

What kinds of discrimination, misconceptions, assumptions or ignorance do you face day to day if any?

I'm really lucky that I haven't had to deal with a lot of up front discrimination. Maybe just a few weird looks. But a lot of the time, what I struggle with is being assumed that I'm not really a man because I don't have a penis or that I'm somehow different or weird because I'm trans.

I assume most trans men prefer male pronouns?

You'd be correct. I definitely do.

Is it rude to ask:

Just gonna say it right now- depends on context. I think on a site like this, it's more appropriate versus asking a random trans guy off the street. All depends on what you'd get out of it by asking. Since this is a support forum and you're well intentioned, I don't see a problem.

Did you always know you were a boy/man / born in the wrong body? (Is it just like asking a gay man when they realised they were gay?)

Didn't always know but I've had inklings since I was a kid. It wasn't until recently that I knew why I felt weird and uncomfortable in my body and my birth gender. And yeah, I think so? I'd imagine for gay guys, not everyone knows they're gay right from birth- everyone figures things out at their own pace.

When did you start transitioning?

I have yet to start medically transitioning but I've been socially transitioning for about a year. I live full-time as male with a few exceptions. (and this, note, probably wouldn't be a question you'd ask a trans guy unless you knew him really well and questions like this were usual)

When did you first start dressing like a boy/man and how did it make you feel?

Not until a few months ago. And it felt fucking amazing.

When did you have your surgery?

Haven't yet. Hoping in the next four years to have top surgery. (not a question I'd ask unless you were sleeping with the guy and were in a long term relationship)

Are your parents supportive of you being trans and/or gay?

No.

Have you changed your gender on your passport / birth certificate etc..?

Not yet. Hoping to have my legal name change done in the next couple months.

How did you choose your male name?

I just mulled it over and it was the first thing that came to me. Really liked the sound of Byron.

What was your birth name?

Not telling. (and probably not something to ask a trans guy ever, unless he told you)

Hope this helped.
  Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 12:59 AM   #6
Artsy Environmentalist
Full Member
 
KyleCats's Avatar
 
Gender: Male (trans*)
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out online
Location: Florida
Age: 34
Posts: 485
Join Date: Apr 2014


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

I'm not out at all and am only in the extremely early stages of transitioning (basic stuff like clothes, hair, etc) so I can't answer much.

However, I would stay away from asking the 'when did you start dressing like a man and how did you feel' question because it just sounds like something a therapist would ask, not a guy who potentially wants to date you.
Also I'd not ask about the birth name until you get to know him very well. Reason is a lot of us really hate our birth names and it can trigger discomfort.

Male pronouns are correct. We are men, after all
__________________
I don't need easy. I just need possible.
Reflections lie.
KyleCats is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 01:01 AM   #7
EC Addict
Full Member
 
hiddenxrainbows's Avatar
 

Gender: AFAB Androgyne
Orientation: Pansexual
Out Status: Close friends and half of family
Location: Pennsylvania
Age: 23
Posts: 349
Join Date: Apr 2011


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

Well, some trans people are going to be honest and tell others that they are trans. Others like to be what is called stealth and not be out about being trans. They're not in the closet exactly. They just pass as the gender they identify as, so they don't feel the need to tell anyone that they are trans. So everyone thinks that they are just cis. Trans people might be stealth for many reasons. Because they don't want to get discriminated against for being trans. They don't think that their being trans is that important; it's more important to them to just be a "normal" guy or girl; so they just let everyone assume they are cis. And many other reasons as well.

As for being comfortable in their bodies, trans people go through a long process to be comfortable with it. For many, it takes years to have the body that they want. And some never get the chance to get the body they want. I know that some trans people are indeed comfortable with their bodies, even without doing everything physical like surgery. But a lot will still feel at least a little uncomfortable with their bodies. I know that a lot struggle with physical closeness/sex, because it usually takes a while to get the parts that they want, if ever. But I haven't even started my physical transition yet, so to get more info on that, you'd have to talk to someone who's already done their transition.

A lot of trans people face discrimination and such everyday. I'm not out to most yet, so I get the assumptions that I'm female. Even after coming out and starting transition, a lot of trans people have trouble passing at first, so strangers will usually misgender them. Even after coming out to people, some of those people will purposely misgender them. Some of them will even continue to do that after the trans person passes completely and even after transition. There's also the fact that in loads of places, trans people can still get fired/not hired, kicked out of their homes, and such just for being trans. If they aren't stealth, that is. And if anyone finds out that a stealth person is trans, they can get a lot of shit for it. Trans people are discriminated against every day. Society in general thinks that we are freaks, that we can't function right and aren't mentally healthy because we're trans. But again, I'm not out to most people, and nearly everyone that knows so far is completely fine with it. So for more info, you'd have to talk to someone farther along than me.

As for hormones, testosterone can do a lot more than make a transman grow body/facial hair. It causes fat distribution, so any fat that a person gains after starting T will start moving to different places than before. Before T, fat will go to breasts, thighs, butt, etc. After hormone treatment is started, fat will start going to the stomach more than anywhere else. A certain lower part will start to grow, if you know what I mean. The voice will deepen. Muscle mass will change to more masculine ways.
If hormone treatment is stopped, there are certain things that will change back to "feminine" ways, but others will permanently stay the same. The growth that happens down there will stay the same way. It will not shrink. I think the fat distribution goes back to the breasts and such. As for other things, I'm not entirely sure because I haven't started hormone treatment.

And yes, most transmen prefer male pronouns.

As for what questions are considered rude to ask, it depends on the person. Some trans people will get offended by being asked any questions at all, some will answer any and all questions, and some will only answer certain questions. Before you ask any trans person questions, you should first ask them if it is okay to ask questions about them being trans, and what kinds of questions they are okay with answering.
A lot of trans people will get offended or uncomfortable with being asked what their birth name was and when they got their surgeries. The birth name question makes a lot of trans people feel like their chosen name isn't good enough or the person asking is suggesting that their chosen name isn't their "real" name, since their asking what their old name used to be. After all, if they aren't going by their birth name anymore, their birth name doesn't matter at all. So that shouldn't even be asked. If a trans person wants to reveal what their birth name was, then they will. As for the surgery question, that is considered rude to a lot of trans people because it's really none of anyone's business what they have in their pants, or how long it's been there. Of course, if you and said trans person are going to eventually have sex, then they will probably want to talk to you eventually about it. They'll probably tell you if they had surgery yet, and what they are comfortable doing sexually. But until you actually start talking about sex, please please please do not ask them about their surgeries! Private parts do not define people. A lot of cis people tend to attack trans people with loads of questions about surgeries and such, especially when just finding out that the person is trans. They have a tendency to make the whole thing about their surgeries and their private parts. So a lot of trans people get uncomfortable when asked about things like that. After all, we are still human beings. We are not defined by our privates. Our transitions are not just about getting bottom surgery; there's a lot more to it than that. So please do not just ask about what surgeries they've gotten so far, or when they got it. If you're really that curious about their surgeries, ask them if you can ask about their physical transition, and specifically their bottom surgeries. If they say no, please respect them. If they get comfortable with telling you, they will tell you eventually. But either way, it really doesn't matter.
hiddenxrainbows is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 03:24 AM   #8
Fledgling
Regular Member
 
Emma_K's Avatar
 

Gender: Female (trans*)
Orientation: Pansexual
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: Southern California
Age: 20
Posts: 21
Join Date: Dec 2013


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

Quote:
Originally Posted by stocking View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by mangotree View Post

not sure what you mean. :-/
I meant I always wanted to ask questions to trans people just to learn something about them and understand them more but this is why I never asked because I always thought they would consider my questions dumb or offensive so I just assumed.
Well, (not speaking for the whole community, and I am obviously not a FtM, but still), I take zero offense, and am actually happy to indulge the questions of pretty much anybody, providing that they are not with malicious intent.

Furthermore, I am open to answering any questions you might have, assuming that you still do have any questions that remain unanswered from this thread.

Additionally, In no way are these questions "dumb", it is a part of human nature to be curious, and at least personally, I think one of the best ways to progress as a community is to be open, so that those who are, how to put it? Less enlightened (ie, total fraking douchecanoes) can reach a better understanding, and society gets more normalized to the idea of being trans, as the concept of being homosexual seems to be a bit more normalized to society these days (especially my generation). But to digress, again, you questions are not dumb, nor are they offensive.



-Emma
__________________

Emma_K is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 04:02 AM   #9
EC Addict
Full Member
 
Caillin's Avatar
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Bisexual
Posts: 589
Join Date: Oct 2013


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

Quote:
Originally Posted by mangotree View Post
I'm curious to know things like:
Do you generally not tell anyone (that you were born in a female body) unless they ask?
When im at least on T I wont tell anyone unless it was a future partner
For someone who is comfortable in their (new) body, are there any other things to do with gender identity or sexuality that you struggle with?

What kinds of discrimination, misconceptions, assumptions or ignorance do you face day to day if any?
Im not really out so I cant really answer that question but I can say don't assume a transman is a bottom during sex quite a bit of people assume this
What effects do hormones have on you other than growing facial/body hair?
weight redistribution,cessation of periods, voice drop, theres others but those are just the biggies
What would happen if you stopped taking hormones?
Fat redistribution will go back to that of a female body,periods will start unless he had a hysterectomy
I assume most trans men prefer male pronouns?
If they are out and presenting as male its safe to assume they will use male pronouns if you aren't 100% sure just ask nicely what pronouns they go by

Is it rude to ask:
Did you always know you were a boy/man / born in the wrong body? (Is it just like asking a gay man when they realized they were gay?)
Its just like asking when a gay man realized he was gay some people don't mind answering though just make sure before you ask these questions t be on good terms with the guy
When did you start transitioning?
I think its safe to ask this one
When did you first start dressing like a boy/man and how did it make you feel?
I think this is a fine question to ask just remember not everyone is open about their transition
When did you have your surgery?
Just remember not every transman cant afford surgery or chooses not to get surgery so it could be a little dysphoric to some
Are your parents supportive of you being trans and/or gay?
Just think of how long you would like someone to wait before asking you this
Have you changed your gender on your passport / birth certificate etc..?
Seems ok
How did you choose your male name?
Im sure if you are good friends with the guy I don't think he would be to uncomfortable with it just don't expect some extravagant answer its kinda like asking someone how did you choose that name for your pet
What was your birth name?
No No I would be on the safe side and don't ask this personally if someone asked id probably get up and leave before I bit their head off
Feel free to add any more (perhaps common) questions that I should NOT ask.
Basically don't ask him anymore questions about his genitals than you would to a cisperson.
And any that would be really good to ask as well.

Any terminology that I shouldn't use as well.

Sorry again if any of this is offensive.

Peace be with you all.
Make sure that you ask these questions overtime and do not bombard them with a million questions also make sure you are genuinely close to him before asking most of these.It helps if you apply these questions as best you can to yourself I hope I helped a bit. Just remember it differs from person to person so you should get to know them and know what they are comfortable with certain things you are talking about.
__________________
Beat fire with fists......of KINDNESS
Caillin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 04:09 AM   #10
Hyper Thing
Full Member
 
Calix's Avatar
 

Gender: Male (trans*)
Orientation: Pansexual
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: Cambridgeshire, UK
Age: 24
Posts: 473
Join Date: Mar 2014


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

I think with any surgery related questions, you'd need to be in a relationship or really close friends with him. I wouldn't ask the birth name question in my opinion. This one can really bug me.
__________________
"We are the others,We are the cast outs, We're the outsiders. But you can't hide us" ~ We are the Others by Delain

I give free hugs!
Calix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 08:40 AM   #11
EC Addict
Full Member
Threadstarter
 
mangotree's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: Queensland, Australia
Age: 34
Posts: 1,404
Join Date: May 2014


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

Wow, thank you all so much for all of your replies and information and for taking so much time and effort with your answers.
drwinchester hiddenxrainbows, caillin, it must have taken a good part out of your days to write such detailed responses and I thank you very very very very much.

I really really appreciate your willingness and openness in sharing your experiences and knowledge with me.

All of you, thank you again and peace be with you.
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel
because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind.
- Dr. Seuss

Last edited by mangotree; 24th May 2014 at 08:53 AM..
mangotree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 09:00 AM   #12
EC Addict
Full Member
 
hiddenxrainbows's Avatar
 

Gender: AFAB Androgyne
Orientation: Pansexual
Out Status: Close friends and half of family
Location: Pennsylvania
Age: 23
Posts: 349
Join Date: Apr 2011


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

Haha it was no problem, really. I didn't have anything better to do anyway And I like helping people when I'm able to. Especially when they are asking questions like this and are actually willing to learn. I just wish that I could help more. There's only so much I can answer, since I'm still in the closet to most and I haven't started anything yet.
hiddenxrainbows is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 10:51 AM   #13
Prince McBroodypants
Full Member
 
Sarcastic Luck's Avatar
 

Gender: Male...ish.
Orientation: Mainly men
Out Status: A few people
Location: Oklahoma
Age: 28
Posts: 1,677
Join Date: Jun 2013


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

Unlike a number, I'm not touchy about these types of questions unless they're purposely asked to be rude. That being said, the only one I'd really be bothered with is the name one since I have my birth name lol.

Do you generally not tell anyone (that you were born in a female body) unless they ask?
I wouldn't really tell them anyway unless it was in the case of a relationship or a doctor.

For someone who is comfortable in their (new) body, are there any other things to do with gender identity or sexuality that you struggle with?
I'll occasionally wonder if I'm right, but that's becoming less and less. I'm still toying with the idea of at least being mildly curious about women, but it seriously depends on my mood.

What kinds of discrimination, misconceptions, assumptions or ignorance do you face day to day if any?
Well, I'll get weird looks in the women's restroom until they see the purse.

What effects do hormones have on you other than growing facial/body hair?
Fat redistribution, voice will drop, bone structure, ability to gain muscle better, potential for male pattern baldness, higher libido, enlargement of the clitoris, and probably others I'm missing.

What would happen if you stopped taking hormones?
Most of the changes would stop. What would stay is dropped voice, bone structure, and adams apple.

I assume most trans men prefer male pronouns?
Ayup.

Did you always know you were a boy/man / born in the wrong body?
No. I've always felt that something was off, that I was an actor or chameleon trying to blend in. More than anything, it felt like I was just gong through the motions of life. I've always had the opinion of "we're born, we go to school, get a job, maybe have a family, then we die. There' no point to life". It was a view that I've had since I was 8 or 9, I guess. Realizing that I'm a guy has given me something to work towards and since I came to the realization, I'm honestly a lot happier.

When did you start transitioning?
Medically, haven't. I try to look like a guy, and I'll get ID'd as one. I'm hoping to start medically this fall.

When did you first start dressing like a boy/man and how did it make you feel?
I've always dressed as one. Dressing as a woman makes me uncomfortable. I can appreciate how dresses and the like look, but just not on me.

When did you have your surgery?
I haven't, yet. I'm only planning on top surgery and getting the reproductive organs yanked.

Are your parents supportive of you being trans and/or gay?
I wish. My mom thinks I'm full of shit and that she knows me better than I do. She's tried to claim that I'm bi-polar or have aspbergurs and that's why I have "a sensation of duality". She also thinks that fact that I'm a guy and am attracted to guys is disgusting.

Have you changed your gender on your passport / birth certificate etc..?
Nope.

How did you choose your male name?
I was always attracted to the name "Jason". It just felt right. My middle name is just the male version of my middle name.

What was your birth name?
For safety reasons, I won't be posting it.
__________________
A little cinnamon bun that got upset for no discernible reason.
Sarcastic Luck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 11:10 AM   #14
EC Addict
Full Member
 

Gender: Male (trans*)
Orientation: aromantic or something
Out Status: A few people
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,079
Join Date: Apr 2013


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

I'm not yet out apart from close family and one friend and I'm not presenting as male full time yet so I don't know how valid my opinion is on this. I'd say I'm someone who is easily offended and not willing to discuss my personal life with acquaintances or strangers so I would react very differently to these sorts of questions if someone was asking me in real life compared to here on EC.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mangotree View Post

I'm curious to know things like:
Do you generally not tell anyone (that you were born in a female body) unless they ask?
For someone who is comfortable in their (new) body, are there any other things to do with gender identity or sexuality that you struggle with?
What kinds of discrimination, misconceptions, assumptions or ignorance do you face day to day if any?
What effects do hormones have on you other than growing facial/body hair?
What would happen if you stopped taking hormones?
I assume most trans men prefer male pronouns?
Say I'd started a new job and you happened to be one of my colleagues asking the above questions, I would probably flip (apart from if you asked if I preferred male pronouns) but that's just me. If I met you outside of work, say through a friend of a friend, tbh I would still probably freak out if faced with these questions. As I said, I'm not yet out and chances are, I am going to get people asking me things like this and I'm going to have to get used to it and choose carefully how I respond.

As for the questions below:
Quote:
Originally Posted by mangotree View Post
Is it rude to ask:
Did you always know you were a boy/man / born in the wrong body? (Is it just like asking a gay man when they realised they were gay?)
When did you start transitioning?
No, I wouldn't consider these rude at all. I'd probably be more willing to answer these as it's only natural for people to be inquisitive.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mangotree View Post
When did you first start dressing like a boy/man and how did it make you feel?
I wouldn't consider it rude to ask when I started dressing like a guy but asking how it made me feel, Idk that's a bit iffy. I'd think that's a bit too personal to discuss with someone I didn't know well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mangotree View Post
When did you have your surgery?
If someone asked me this, I would actually go mad. Again, this is just me and I'm answering honestly, even though I know your questions are well-intended because I want to get across how it may seem to someone like me who is a very private person. The reason I'd find it offensive is because I don't WANT to discuss my genitals or chest which I feel very uncomfortable about. If you were a close friend who I know I could trust, I wouldn't be so hostile but otherwise, it's just not up for discussion. On a side note, if you meet a trans man or a trans woman who happens to be in a relationship, it would be wise to avoid asking the 'how do you do it?' question.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mangotree View Post
Are your parents supportive of you being trans and/or gay?
No, this isn't offensive. I'd be ok with this question.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mangotree View Post
Have you changed your gender on your passport / birth certificate etc..?
Again...a little bit personal. I may/may not answer this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mangotree View Post
How did you choose your male name?
This question is fine.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mangotree View Post
What was your birth name?
This is another question that would probably tip me over the edge. The thing is, I don't want to discuss my birth name. It's not a name I want to be called and it reminds me of a life I wasn't happy with. Again, I'd probably disclose it to someone I knew well and trusted but otherwise I would be suspicious of people's motives for asking me this question. Is it because they wish to find out so they can insult me by continuing to call me by a female name? for example.
anonym is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 11:36 AM   #15
Consulting Detective
Regular Member
 
sherlock's Avatar
 

Gender: Male (trans*)
Orientation: John Watson. Okay demisexual. Likes guys.
Out Status: A few people
Location: Taiwan
Age: 20
Posts: 275
Join Date: Apr 2014


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

Do you generally not tell anyone (that you were born in a female body) unless they ask?
Not fully out as FtM yet-but no, I suppose I wouldn't tell unless they ask me.
For someone who is comfortable in their (new) body, are there any other things to do with gender identity or sexuality that you struggle with?
I haven't transitioned yet.
What kinds of discrimination, misconceptions, assumptions or ignorance do you face day to day if any?
Being butch, being rebellious, experiencing a teenage phase, being misogynist (yes there actually are people who assume that), being an effeminate gay man (I don't hate this all that much really, in fact I'm a bit thrilled)
What effects do hormones have on you other than growing facial/body hair?
What would happen if you stopped taking hormones?
I'll leave these to other men more experienced with hormones.
I assume most trans men prefer male pronouns?
If out, then yes. If not, then secretly yes. Personally, I do not get mad or get offended if people refer me as female. It keeps me safe under the circumstances I am in right now.

I would say, don't ask these questions unless you're really, really familiar with the guy.
Apart from that last one, which I think is basic etiquette.

Is it rude to ask:
Did you always know you were a boy/man / born in the wrong body? (Is it just like asking a gay man when they realised they were gay?)
When did you start transitioning?
When did you first start dressing like a boy/man and how did it make you feel?
When did you have your surgery?
Are your parents supportive of you being trans and/or gay?
Have you changed your gender on your passport / birth certificate etc..?
How did you choose your male name?
What was your birth name?


Again, don't ask unless they mention this and/or explicitly tell you it's fine to do so. It can be very dysphoric.
__________________
The name is Sherlock Holmes and the address is 221B Baker Street
sherlock is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 11:49 AM   #16
...
Full Member
 
Nick07's Avatar
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Posts: 2,682
Join Date: Jul 2013


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

Quote:
Originally Posted by hiddenxrainbows View Post
(...)
Very nice post! Thanks for taking the time to write it.
__________________
Happiness doesn't depend on who you are or what you have; it solely depends on what you think.
D. Carnegie
Nick07 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 05:45 PM   #17
Hey man, we're artists
Full Member
 
Daydreamer1's Avatar
 

Gender: Non-Binary Trans Dude
Orientation: Queer as a three dollar bill
Out Status: More open than the Outback
Location: Pennsylvania
Age: 23
Posts: 5,542
Join Date: Aug 2011


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

Did you always know you were a boy/man / born in the wrong body? (Is it just like asking a gay man when they realised they were gay?)

It's a cliche, but I've always known something was out of place or wrong with me. Sure my sexuality was questionable (looking back, I gave both teams interesting glances when I was like five or so), but my gender was weird. I felt male, but I had my quirks. But to keep it brief, yes...I was in that bunch that had feelings like this for a long time. But there are some people who don't come to terms with them or really notice them until later on in life.

When did you start transitioning?

Technically I've been in transition since 2010 when I was 16; but that's with coming to terms with myself and socially transitioning. Socially, I've been doing living as male roughly for a year now. Medically, not yet--but I hope that can start this year.

When did you first start dressing like a boy/man and how did it make you feel?

I was always a "tomboy", so ever since I was little. I was always more comfortable in 'masculine' or 'androgynous' clothing anyways. I had moments where I did dress somewhat feminine, but leaving it in the middle or shifting to the masculine always felt more comfortable to me and not so constricting. Back when I was little, I was vocal about hating dresses to the point where I had a mini meltdown to myself in the stall of a school bathroom because I had to wear a skirt to school.

When did you have your surgery?

There's more than one surgery for trans people. For transmen, there's two for the most part; top surgery (which contours the chest to appear more masculine) and bottom surgery (which can include a hysterectomy and GRS, which could be metiodioplasty or phalloplasty--depending on what the person wants which can take different forms).

Currently, I'm pre-op; but I hope to have the money for at least top surgery within the next ten or so years. Besides a hysto (since there is a potential risk for certain cancers), I'm on the fence with bottom surgery with what's on the table.

Are your parents supportive of you being trans and/or gay?

Meh, I suppose. They're weird about the issues to me. They have moments where they do correct themselves (misgendering isn't as frequent as it was about a year ago) but I have to question if they're genuine or they're saying what I want to hear. It has me concerned too since they're aware I'm engaged to my partner, which has me wondering how they look at us (my partner is trans as well and my family misgenders him quite a bit).

Have you changed your gender on your passport / birth certificate etc..?

Not yet. The laws have changed a bit since last year, so I'm not sure what I can feasibly do without having to provide proof of surgery (since I've heard you can get your gender marker on some documents changed without surgery). Like with top surgery, I'd love to have things taken care of soon. If all goes how I hope, it would be nice to get my gender marker on some documents done before the end of next year.

How did you choose your male name?

To keep a long story short, I focused a lot on people who I look/looked up to. Alexander (which I was drawn to for a long time anyway), as homage to an old acquaintance on a horror forum I was apart of who motivated me to explore the film industry; and Jerick as homage to an actor/performer who got me through a very intense and dark time last year.

What was your birth name?

I won't answer this question. A lot of people would agree. Some trans people aren't comfortable with answering this (for reasons besides safety, which is a big one). It can come off as being intrusive, but it could also bring on dysphoria as well.

Do you generally not tell anyone (that you were born in a female body) unless they ask?

If it's not a medical necessity or I'm sleeping with them, they don't need to know. I'm sadly out to more people than I'd like to be, which is why I fully intend on going stealth once I can transition and I pass enough by society's definition. It's mostly about a security and safety issue than anything else for me.

For someone who is comfortable in their (new) body, are there any other things to do with gender identity or sexuality that you struggle with?

Pre-op/Pre-T train so nothing to comment on here.

What kinds of discrimination, misconceptions, assumptions or ignorance do you face day to day if any?

Me myself, the occasional bout of stupidity from a bunch of radical butch lesbians who like to tell me and other transmen that we're turning our back on them and other stuff...which is weird since while I'm mainly queer identified, I'm attracted to men for the most part.

Discrimination wise, I've never experienced here and I'm sure I wouldn't as far as employment goes since my city and county have protection laws for trans people.

Misconceptions are typical, like how we were all one butch lesbians and we only transition to trick people into relationships and other malarkey.

What effects do hormones have on you other than growing facial/body hair?

Results vary for everyone. Typically there's fat redistribution, ceasing on the menses, face becoming more squared, potential hair loss, increased appietite and sex drive and so on. I've heard guys say their hands, feet and heads got bigger and some got taller--but I think the latter applies to guys who start HRT early on, like their teens.

What would happen if you stopped taking hormones?

Some effects are permanent, but some can reverse if you stop like fat redistribution and the menses could start up again among other things.

I assume most trans men prefer male pronouns?

Yeah.
__________________

"Hello, paramedics? Do you fix gazebos?" -- Trent Lane
AJ (You can call me Adam too)
[He/Him/His]
Daydreamer1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 07:14 PM   #18
They call me JJ. ;)
Full Member
 
justjade's Avatar
 

Gender: Transdude!!!!
Orientation: Squiggly :p
Out Status: Out on social media! :D
Location: North Canton, Ohio, US
Age: 28
Posts: 2,826
Join Date: May 2013


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

Do you generally not tell anyone (that you were born in a female body) unless they ask?

Yeah. If I trust you and think of you as being an important part of my life, then yes. Otherwise, I don't feel the hassle of explaining myself is worth it.

For someone who is comfortable in their (new) body, are there any other things to do with gender identity or sexuality that you struggle with?

Actually, I don't know. I'm fairly OK with my body the way it is. I'd rather have a (relatively) healthy female body than an unhealthy masculine one.

What kinds of discrimination, misconceptions, assumptions or ignorance do you face day to day if any?


Well, people generally think it's weird that I'm as masculine as I am. I think I'm actually pretty feminine for a guy, but evidently, I act just like a guy. As far as discrimination, I haven't faced any of that yet, although people do tend to lump me with the ladies a lot, which is very uncomfortable. Also, I guess since I don't pass that well, a lot of people think I'm a lesbian when they first meet me.

What effects do hormones have on you other than growing facial/body hair?

This all depends on genetics. I know a guy who took testosterone for years in hopes of growing a beard, but instead he grew an abundance of back- and ass-hair. Also, testosterone can also cause male-pattern baldness if you are genetically predisposed to it.

What would happen if you stopped taking hormones?

Some changes are permanent. Others are not. Body/facial hair, for instance, is permanent. Also, if you stop taking them after you've taken them to the point where your ovaries have stopped functioning, or you have had a hysterectomy, it's necessary to take some form of hormone therapy. Otherwise, you put yourself at high risk for osteoporosis. Anyway, this link has some good information on it: Hudson's Guide: FTM Testosterone Therapy Basics

I assume most trans men prefer male pronouns?

Yes.

Is it rude to ask: (For future reference, if you have to ask if it's rude or not, it probably is, but I understand your curiosity. And, yes, you really shouldn't ask these questions to a trans man. Let him tell you. If he wants you to know, he will.)
Did you always know you were a boy/man / born in the wrong body?

It came in stages. At first, I had the "I haven't hit puberty yet, so I don't know" stage. Then there was the "Puberty: I don't think I like this" stage. After that, there was the "I don't fit in with girls and don't know why" stage. Then finally, it just came to me, and I realized it's because I'd been a guy the entire time! Then I calmed down a bit.

When did you start transitioning?

I think it was late last year. Yeah, it seriously took me that long to come to terms with it.

When did you first start dressing like a boy/man and how did it make you feel?

Around the same time. It actually felt really good. It wasn't awkward at all. After that, there was just no going back.


When did you have your surgery?

Not yet, but top surgery, or removal of the breasts, will hopefully be a reality for me at some point.

Are your parents supportive of you being trans and/or gay?


They don't know I'm either one, and it's probably best if it stays that way, at least for now.

Have you changed your gender on your passport / birth certificate etc..?

No, although it would be nice.

How did you choose your male name?

I just stuck with my birth name....

What was your birth name?

....which is, of course, just Jade.

Also, words you shouldn't use: Tranny, she-male, he-she, she-man, man-lady, basically any term that combines both male and female like that, and we do not like to be called "it".

That pretty much concludes my educational posting for today. Good night.
__________________
"Copulate with women of loose morals. Obtain lucrative gain." --My best friend
'Fraternal Order of the Sloths'
Little Arboreal
justjade is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 08:13 PM   #19
EC Addict
Full Member
Threadstarter
 
mangotree's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: Queensland, Australia
Age: 34
Posts: 1,404
Join Date: May 2014


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

Thank you everyone again for fantastic and detailed information.
Such wonderful support here.
Thank you all so much for sharing.

Some of the questions that I thought were quite innocent were actually very insensitive.
And I was clearly very ignorant about the hormone side of things, wow.

I've started chatting online with a guy who lives locally actually and I think we're going to catch up for a game of pool at a local bar sometime soon.
I'm glad that I won't feel the need to bombard him with curious questions now. I'm sure he'll be much more comfortable that way.

Thanks again to all of you!

Peace!
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel
because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind.
- Dr. Seuss
mangotree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th May 2014, 09:23 PM   #20
EC Addict
Full Member
 
hiddenxrainbows's Avatar
 

Gender: AFAB Androgyne
Orientation: Pansexual
Out Status: Close friends and half of family
Location: Pennsylvania
Age: 23
Posts: 349
Join Date: Apr 2011


Re: Dumb questions about trans men / FTM

Thanks, Nick! It wasn't much; I just do what I can. And mangotree, again, no problem. If you ever have any other questions, don't hestitate to ask us!
hiddenxrainbows is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Trans people and allies what do you think person54 Coming Out Advice 10 28th Jan 2013 06:32 PM
Trans questions GreenRaven Gender Identity and Expression 19 11th Aug 2012 12:33 AM
For butch women and trans men Curly Gender Identity and Expression 15 1st Aug 2012 05:57 AM
EmptyClosets interviews Kathy Baldock - Submit Questions Here! Martin Current Events, World News, & LGBT News 8 9th Jan 2011 04:09 PM
Your Political Views Moonstrike Chit Chat 105 24th Nov 2010 09:10 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:47 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright (c) 2004-2015, Empty Closets Community Services
The Empty Closets name and logo are registered trademarks of Empty Closets Community Services

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21