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I Think I Need More Than Therapy....

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by justjade, May 27, 2014.

  1. justjade

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    I've been having a lot of thoughts lately about cutting my breasts. I don't want to cut any other part of my body. Like, if I think about cutting my wrists, I think, "Man, I'd better not do that. I could bleed to death," but then I think of cutting my breasts, and I think, "What's the worst that could happen?" It's getting worse. It's never been this bad. Actually, I had this notion just now to call the hospital, and tell them that they'd better cut off my breasts or so help me, I'll do it myself. My dysphoria is getting really, really bad. I'm just so tired of having these stupid, worthless fat bags on my chest that literally do nothing but make me uncomfortable and self-conscious. Only problem is I can't afford surgery, and I don't have medical insurance, not that it would cover it anyway. I just want them gone so badly that I'm starting to think of the most outrageous, drastic solutions possible. I don't even know how to deal with this in a healthy manner. Any thoughts would be helpful. For the record, though, I know I'm not being rational. I'm not thinking straight. I'm just having impulses, and I know I shouldn't cut myself, but the urge is almost overwhelming. I need serious help, and I don't want to think I'll end up in a psych ward if I tell anyone about this. :help:
     
  2. ConfusedAtHeart

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    Im definitely not a professional but I'd hate to hear of something bad happening to you, even if I don't know you. Don't worry, you won't end up in a psych ward for thinking about these things. You should start by setting a goal. Set money away, save up. It will take a while, but it's worth it. Besides, when you are to get them removed, you wouldn't want scars, they last. My friend cut herself in grade six, now we're in grade 11 and they are still there. I don't know if you bind or how big your bust is, but in your off time wear a huge shirt and boxers. If you live alone, walk around with your shirt off. Drape a towel over your shoulders to hide them. It sounds ridiculous but it helps me. Work out. Snap a band on your wrist. Punch your couch. Rip up paper. Sing along to heavy metal. Take a loong shower. Drink some tea. Calm your nerves. You recognize you're being irrational. At least you know. Next time you see a therapist let it all out. Don't hold back. They are there for that. The people of EC care about you. You bet your boxers we'd be worried about you and your health. *hugs*
     
  3. Kasey

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    Jade if you are thinking of self harm in that extreme you need to contact someone so no harm comes to you. Dysphoria can be a bitch but bleeding to death is most certainly worse.

    And if you are serious on acting you need to tell someone. Tell your husband tell someone.

    You don't seem suicidal but the potential for serious harm or even death. Check this out for West Virginia
     
    #3 Kasey, May 27, 2014
    Last edited: May 27, 2014
  4. justjade

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    Thank you both. I took a bike ride, and I feel a little better. I told my husband, and he got pretty upset. I mean, upset as in sad, not as in angry. He doesn't want me to hurt myself and didn't really know what to do, so he brought me to our bed and held onto me. I got cried a lot, but I eventually promised I wouldn't hurt myself. He's still trying to talk me out of getting them removed, but I really think they need to go. I don't even know what's wrong with me lately. I think it might be some kind of hormone fluctuation revolving around menstruation, which actually kind of makes me feel worse. Being female may be too much for me to tolerate anymore, which just really sucks because I can't do anything about it. I'm definitely going to talk to my therapist about this though. I'll probably even make a gynecologist appointment and see if there's anything they can do that doesn't involve pumping my body full of estrogen. This is a really scary time for me. I don't normally feel this bad. :frowning2:
     
  5. Kasey

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    We all go through rough times. Stay strong JJ.
     
  6. KyleCats

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    I can relate to this on so, so many levels. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, even though I understand. I don't have any advice or words of wisdom but I couldn't read this without saying something.

    Hang in there, man.
     
  7. Peacemaker

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    Stay strong dude, good of your husband to do that atleast that got your pent up emotions out
     
  8. justjade

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    Thanks, everyone. :slight_smile:

    Also, I talked to my husband again about it today, and he told me that if I ever got the money, it would be fine with him if I got a bilateral mastectomy. That's a huge step for me! I may never have the money, but at least I know I have the option, should some form of trans* healthcare cover the surgery.