Hey, I'm new here. I'm 20 years old and bio female. I identify as genderqueer, for a wile I thought I was ftm, but now I'm comfortable with genderqueer. I'm feeling a bit dysphoric again, you see, I was dreading my hair and I loved it. It was masculine enough but not overly so. But I just brushed it all out because my grandma hated it. I know that I'm an adult and I shouldn't let her control my life, but she raised me and I still live with her, so I feel kinda stuck. Now I want it cut, if I can't have the dreads, I want it short. I hate how it feels, it's all soft and girly, idk, but it's actually making me dysphoric. I'm almost a black belt in a martial art and the master and I have a real good relationship. He's going to make me an assistant teacher after I get my black belt. But I haven't told him that I'm gay. I don't know how he feels about gay people and if I cut my hair I'm terrified that he won't like me anymore. I'm afraide the kids parents won't want me around their kids. I know this is probably irrational. He's probably the thing most preventing me from cutting my hair. I am so scared of what he'll think. He matters so much to me and I'm terrified of losing what we have. The other problem is my family. Their all comming to visit soon. A family friend who is extremely conservative is coming. And we're having a family reunion. I bind and pretty much none of them have seen me since I started binding which was a year and a half ago. I also dress pretty boyish. All my shirts are boys and shoes are. So I'm just really scared about people's reactions. My grandmas not comfortable with me being gay, we never talk about it anymore, but she was really disappointed. I know she still hopes that Ill change my mind or something, so it's not like I can tell them, I don't even want to. I just don't know what to do if they ask. I know this is a rant, but please, any bit of advise is appreciated -jj
I'm going to start with your instructor. Your orientation and gender are irrelevant, heck you don't ever have to tell him about it. He never needs to know. A haircut is a haircut. You're a martial artist, you know how hair can get in the way and be inconvenient sometimes. If you need an excuse, there it is. It got in the way. I like it short. You don't ever need to worry about parents reactions to it, because they never need to know about your gender UNLESS YOU WANT TO TELL THEM, and if you DON'T want to tell them, nobody can force you. As for your family, frankly, I'm of the opinion that if family can't accept and love you for who you are, they have no business calling themselves family in the first place. They don't GET to be disappointed in you for your orientation or your gender. You are being true to yourself, and there is nothing wrong with that. They have NOTHING to be disappointed in. You don't OWE them anything, you don't owe them a straight cis-gender life or the things that come with it. Disappointment comes from failure and you have not failed. YOU on the other hand have every right to be disappointed. You can be disappointed in them if they act negatively because THEY have failed the most basic and fundamental aspect of the relationship contract. They have failed to love YOU. They love the 'idea' of you, that is they appreciate that you exist and hold title in their family, but if they can't accept you for how you are, they have failed to love you and you can be disappointed in them.
