alriiiiight let's talk about Serious Stuff (or as I like to call it: watch as I capitalize more and more things and by the end this post will look like a textbook) SO my main issue is that I really want to be on T, but there are dumb social things in my way Don't get me wrong I love all my friends, but there are a few that are very important to me. They're the people I can talk about everything with, and they've helped me greatly throughout this whole thing here. I just have this deep seated fear that me going on testosterone will make things weird. Especially since it's looking like I'll start T in the summer after my senior year, so my friends might not be around for the biggest changes like voice and stuff. I'm afraid that if I visit or call them on the phone and I suddenly sound like a man, that that will be too much for them. And I'm just trying to reason myself because I know that they'd never leave me for something like that but I can't stop having that feeling. Some people, I won't mind never talking to again after high school. But there are a few that I care about so much, that if they started to avoid me it would be devastating. Those of you on T, how has that affected your friendships and such? Was it weird for anyone? Tell me how much of a drama queen I'm being Those of you not on T, oh my god console me please
I don't know what to say, but: (&&&) and I understand the concern and can empathize in a way. It's not quite the same thing, but I have been in a situation where one of my closest friends was/still is seriously giving transitioning a strong consideration and I had a bout of anxiety or two where I worried that we would somehow no longer be able to relate in the same way as we used to and as people of the trans spectrum (since I will not transition). We talked about this and apparently we both shared this concern. I think talking with him helped us to stay 'connected' despite the concerns. One of the feelings we discussed was the concern of feeling 'left behind' (me) and 'leaving behind' (him).
Wow, I guess I never thought of it that way. It didn't occur to me that my friends might feel the same way. Maybe I should talk to them. They're probably just as nervous as I am. Thanks for your advice!
Hey hey hey, now I went through transition with another girl from my childhood and my friends were accepting and her's were not, not at all. They all stopped talking to her as soon as they knew. But life goes on, if those people are willing to disown they aren't friends you need anyway, and it's better to let them leave sooner rather than later. (*hug*)
Well as fast as it may seem to happen, transition is gradual. Even if you start during the summer, a lot of people I see on T don't have vocal change to the point where it's a definite masculine voice until at least 3-4 months. Unless you don't plan on seeing them for at least 4 months, I wouldn't worry about it. The fact that they're already accepting means they most likely know what you plan to do to transition and the changes that ensue from taking testosterone.
@ VacantPlanets & Kasey: yeah that's a good thing to keep in mind! I'm definitely trying to take advantage of the fact that I figured this out pretty early. And it's definitely something I want for myself. I just need to face the fact that I have to put my own well being before other peoples' comfort sometimes. Thank you both for your comments! @ ratatattat: yeah, I'm just worried that there won't be any big changes until college, and then I won't have visited people in a while and it'll get weird. That's some very important advice though, I keep thinking about it like it'll happen right away. Thanks for your help!
If they're close friends, I think they ought to be just as keen as you are to stay in touch regardless of whatever changes may come your way. They may even be excited for you and like you, want to 'stay in the loop' of things, too. I know I would and I know that my friends who count would want to, too. I would personally suggest talking this over re: keeping in touch over time with your friends; I won't speak for them, but it's possible that they might be concerned of 'growing distant' (in general and related to transitioning), too. If you are a group of friends (you are all good friends and you all know each other etc), you might want to consider trying to make time specifically to keep in touch with each other throughout college in regular intervals. I'm not sure how social you are, but you could Skype together (or some other VOIP, including video game group/friend chat options - I once chatted with my friend through the Pokemon in-game trading chat lol) or stream a movie together (and chat), or even just regular phone calls/voice mails to one another. Something to remember though is that even without transition-related concerns, going to college, etc is a major life experience and sometimes connections with people can change as people grow into themselves, their lifestyles, and situations more. Sometimes, people may also need their space more (or conversely need more socializing) to help themselves adjust to new environments and situations. All the best to you!
My two cents keep in mind Transitioning takes time. No need to rush it : ) Do everything when you feel comfortable! But dont let ANYONE dictate who you are! If you wanna start HRT then start HRT! I got your back 100% <33
