Questions about attraction ?

Its great that your mother is accepting. Maybe she can help, if only so you have someone to vent to. Venting helps. On your gender issue, I dress and act somewhat masculine, and I don't care if someone thinks I'm a guy, even though I'm not and I identify as female. I kind of like it, actually. I am probably somewhat genderqueer, but for me it doesn't matter because I think the most important thing is to be yourself. I don't have much advice on gender issues, because I have never explored mine and probably never will. Sorry.
The type of porn you watch doesn't necessarily mean anything, people are aroused by strange things that don't always reflect what they actually like. Your dreams could well mean something, though. You might be bi, or you might not be. It sounds to me like you could be. You could also be polysexual. Depression can make it difficult to tell what your felling are, as well, since at least in my experience, you can't feel much besides sadness. Interestingly enough, my depression went away when I figured out my orientation. I don't know if this is a common experience. I promise you, though, that things will get better. They always do, no matter how bad they seem. Good luck!

 

I think grey wanderer was a little more humble than she should have been, her advice was spot on. All I want to add is that, even though who you are and who you love can link and interact, I think it's really best to think of these things separately.

I guess the other thing you mentioned too. If you know you can't be with a gay man and be happy, I think I would keep that in mind when dating people. If you could be with one of us MtF people - knowing that we may eventually lose all our masculinity and being okay with that in advance - and they are comfortable with you being a guy some times and a girl sometimes, then I would keep that in mind too. You already know how things happened with your ex girlfriend. It's frustrating being single and having stuff like this in away, but I have learned it's better to hold out for someone you know you are compatible with.

It sounds like you have already come some way in figuring out who you are

 

The only advice I can really give, is to find a way to be as up front as you can. If she knows what she's getting into, and she can love you for who you are, then you can have an awesome relationship. If you run into deal breakers, but you were really sweet, you may have just made a friend, which in my experience can lead to a relationship with another person who you can work with.

There are a lot of guys out there that are mostly straight, that are interested in people like me too. I would not say claim you are MtF - again, that's dishonest unless you know you are, and you and I have both been burned on that particular hot stove one time too many - but if you present femme in a dating profile online they may still show interest. Online works best, because bless them but straight guys often have a lot of hang-ups and are scared of what other people will think about them if they act on their attractions. Online though that is not an obstacle.

It's rough for you, I know It really sucks because like 1 in 20 people are anything but straight and narrow, and you and I have to filter through people mostly in that group and maybe a few open minded people outside it.

But you know, lots of people are down on being single. I actually am kind of glad I had a chance to get to be myself a little more before jumping back on that horse.

I guess if it helps, I am dating another male to female transitioner. She's a nurse. There are obstacles - she's bi, I'm not, although if other people want to assume things about my sexuality they can go right ahead. Sex probably won't be an option or very easy for a long time, more due to hang ups on my end than anything, I really have found that I have to feel good about my own body for that to work. But you know, having someone that I don't have to explain myself to, that really knows what I'm going through at an intimate level that I can go through this with, is kind of awesome. And I mean... not going to go into detail in a 13+ forum but there's toys and we're creative, so we can probably work around those obstacles when the time comes.

But yeah, I'm someone that can only be attracted to women, being with a guy would be completely unfair to both of us and is an active turn off for me. And I'm having an easier time being with someone that's technically male bodied, even if she looks and smells very feminine. So I mean, open minded people are out there is what I am getting at.

Also before her, I went on a couple dates with a cis lesbian, and some of the dirty looks I got felt kind of awesome :icon_redf: So yeah, don't assume about people and be honest with them.