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New and confused

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Dell, May 31, 2014.

  1. Dell

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Murfreesboro, TN
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm new to this whole thing and i'm a little lost and confused and i thought this might be a place to start looking for answers. I am a male, 17 soon to be 18, and i have started to have some serious thoughts that I might be transgender. I have always felt different and never really had any guy friends, I have only ever been able to relate to girls. I have been mistaken for being gay but I have only ever liked women. I have been told i'm feminine before and never had a problem with it. I currently hate my male attributes as subtle as they are i still look male. I was raised on the idea, by a very religious family, that because i have a penis that i am a guy and i should act like one. But i never cared about gender and i was always my self, even though i knew something wasn't right about me. Over the internet i learned what LGBT was but never really thought much about it. I grew a beard to try and be more masculine. But one day I cut my hair and shaved my beard and i looked my self and i looked extremely feminine and i truthfully liked what i saw. my friends joked around saying i would make a really pretty girl and came up with a female deviation of my name. I thought a lot after that day and here i am looking on the internet for answers and guidance. I'm not sure what to do and if i would like to go by a female pronoun and what not. I'm feeling conflicted about who i always tried to be and how i feel now, which is hating how i am and wanting to express myself as a female maybe. I'm confused and I would love any help from more experience people.
     
  2. ConfusedAtHeart

    Full Member

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    Welcome to EC, I hope we can help you on your journey of self discovery.
    First lets discuss femininity. There are, really feminine men out there. It is not unacceptable to be a feminine man. Femininity is also in varying degrees. You may love cute thing and hate pink. Its okay for girls to be into sports and video games, so it's all right for boys to have female friends and be into the more femme things in life.. It NEVER makes you less of a man.
    I would also like to add sexual orientation and gender are two seperate things. So don't worry about that. C:
    As always there are questions to ask yourself when decoding your gender.
    (1) How do you see yourself 10 years from now in your current gender? Are you happy? Sad?
    (2) Do you experience discomfort with certain male body parts?
    (3) If you had the chance to wake up female, would you take it? How does this possibility make you feel?
    (4) When being called male pronouns, are you upset or happy?
    (5) Do you ever want ro be dressed as a woman. To present as a woman in everyday life?

    You say you never really cared about gender, so you could be one of the many in betweens.
    Like bigender, Agender, and genderfluid. It would not hurt to look into those. A gender therapist would also be advised. There are varying degrees of dysphoria. Everyones experiances are different. There may have been signs, or may not have been signs present when you were younger. Some people know when they are two years of age, and others when they are 50+*But as always, you're the only one that can come to a conclusion. We can only help set you in a direction.
    ^w^
     
  3. Dell

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2014
    Messages:
    20
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    Location:
    Murfreesboro, TN
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thank you! You have actually given me the most helpful insight out of anyone. I have been thinking a lot about it recently and about how i have always been and i do really think that i might be happy with myself being female. I looked at myself in the mirror when i got a fresh shave and haircut and i looked more feminine and i was happy with what i saw. And the thought of going by the the female pronoun made me feel strangely happy. But I have the issue of my mother and how i know she wouldn't approve. She is christian while im agnostic and I know without a doubt she would not take the news well. Even if later if i decide to take estrogen and go for the change she would eventually notice and the thought of her disapproval is the only thing that scares me.
     
  4. ConfusedAtHeart

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Im glad I could help! My mum is christian too, she was, and still is dissaproving. A lot of us, unfortunately don't have accepting homes. We just have to keep our heads held high and find our happiness.

    Is she the type of person to come around after a while? If so, you could find booklets and when you are ready, you can give them to her. You're also almost old enough to find a place. So when you can do it, get some women's clothing. Keep on swimming! ^w^