First off, I am 14 and bi. Im having a lot of trouble being myself. For me it has been extremely hard expressing myself since I was young. I have always been quiet and I bite my tongue. So I started to develop this fake weird shell personality that does not allow attachment or compassion for a while now. Lets call that personality personality A. At school I am personality A, I never speak up or look like I am having fun, just blank. I was actually made fun because someone thought I was Asexual. My REAL personality actually has emotions surprise surprise. Lets call that personality B. I have been faking my way through 6th, 7th, and now 8th grade with personality A. I have not once shown any feelings. I keep everything bottled up inside and I hate it. I want to be who I am and I have made this false personality and now if I started being who I really am, I would attract a crap load of unwanted attention. I have been missing out on tons of fun things I would do if I was myself, but because I have had some urge to keep being personality A, I missed them. Now an opportunity came up. The fault in our stars movie premier. And I loved the book and I adore John Green. I read tfios 3 times. I am a fanboy. I want to go to the premiere very very very badly. You can buy the tickets on line right now. My parents would take me no questions asked. It would mean the world to me if I went. But its fanbase is mainly feminine. So I am not going. Personality A is saying, "No dont go, you will be called a faggot and made fun of. Dont attract attention. They could question your sexuality and find out all along that you have lied to every single person that you have ever talked to because you are bi. Dont do it." And I know its right. But the book is one of my favorite books and I always planned on going until now. I guess the fear of being made fun of weighs out my desire to be myself and it kills me inside. I havent come out to anyone except my parents, and none of my friends read the book or would go with me. Any advice I guess.
If I were you i'd go anyway. Personality A is being used in school for the obvious reasons. But you do realize that the real you is Personality C. Which is personality A & B put together which is the real you that only yout parents know. You never know you might make a friend at that event who has similar interests. I am a gambler and if I were you i'd take a chance. Hang in there, when your ready to present the real you, you'll be ready.
Go to it! Let's face it, the book is amazing. The film is going to be great! There's going to be so many people there the chances of you being singled out is highly unlikely. And if someone were to see you you could always say your family dragged you there if you feel unsafe revealing the fact that you have great taste in books. I understanding the feeling behind hiding yourself, but as you said yourself, you ended up missing out on stuff. I'm not saying to all of a sudden reveal yourself, but start doing things which make you happy.
