So for a while now, I've been questioning my gender. Um so I was born female, and I've never really connected with the whole female aspect of things. In elementary school, I was friends with the guys, treated like just another guy, but I didn't exactly care what I had on as far as clothes. It was whatever my mom picked out and I didn't argue because it's just clothes, nothing fancy. Um anymore though, I'm not considered one of the guys because I'm in highschool now. Actually just finished my freshman year. Now, none of the guys can look past the fact that I am physically female, so they treat me differently (which I hate). So anyways, I dress in guy's clothes a lot of the times, I'm very uncomfortable in female clothing or anything that's tight unless it's skinny jeans because then I'll wear a huge shirt on top and it somehow makes my figure less feminine. In public, a lot of people can't tell whether I'm a girl or a guy. Sometimes, people will just stare at me and I find it ridiculous. Sometimes I'll be called she or a girl, other times I'm called he (I like the latter more). It's never really bothered me because it's more of the fact that I mentally acknowledge that I'm physically female, so I'm seen as a girl, and you call girls she. I really don't like my body, I feel like it isn't me. The other day, I completely just lost and had this whole break down moment and decided I couldn't figure this out on my own so I decided to try and see if my mom could help me understand. She told me that "it's okay to be a tomboy...you can't say that you want to be a boy because God doesn't make mistakes...you were born a girl....it's just a phase....you'll get over it,etc.". And that really upset me because I didn't tell the whole entire thing, just what I could manage to get out. I hate my body. I hate having boobs (thankfully I barely have any, but I have a butt/hips). I hate my voice, it's too feminine, I want a deep voice. I hate being treated differently because I'm viewed as a girl (there isn't anything wrong with being a girl, I am NOT sexist. Females are equal to males). I hate being ashamed of my body (I quit all sports because I started becoming extremely self-conscience after I hit puberty). I don't like being unsure of myself, questioning whether what I'm thinking is right. All I know is that my mom says I need to stop worrying about things like that and thinking thoughts like that. And I don't know whether she's right or not. I don't want to push it in case she gets mad at me or something, but I don't know what else to do, I'm sick of not knowing, not being myself or feeling like myself. Any opinions/advice would be greatly appreciated. I will try to clear things up if possible/needed.
You sound A LOT like me. I can sympathize with you. Here's what we know (1) You hate your breasts (2) You're uncomfortable in female clothing (3) You want a deep voice (4) You prefer the male pronouns. (5) You want to be one of the guys. Some things I'd like to ask (1) Do you experience discomfort with your female parts? (2) Do you see yourself 10+ years from now as a male? Are you happy or sad? (3) Do you see yourself as a father or a husband? (4) How do you feel about body hair? Do you want to stop shaving your legs and pits, and start shaving your face? Don't let your mum tell you to stop thinking about this stuff. My mum is an insane christian. She does not like the idea of it or how I think of it. But I want to be happy, so I be myself. Figuring out this stuff takes time. So buckle down and relax. Do what makes YOU happy, as long as you aren't hurting anyone. Don't change who you are to appease the narrow minded. You really do sound trans* male. But I hate to label people, so only you can truly know. ^w^
I will try to answer your questions as good as I can: 1) Most of the times, yes I do. Though for me, it isn't as much as the female parts (besides my breasts) but more of the overall appearance of my body because I have definite female figure. 2) In ten years, I can't even physically imagine myself as a women, at all. I can only picture myself as a man and yes I'm happy. I imagine myself doing all the things I want to do with my life. 3) It's a possibility because at the moment, I'm not considering getting married or having children. I will probably eventually get married, but that won't be in a while. 4) Well for about 7 months, I stopped shaving my legs because I, at first, thought there was no point because it was winter, and then I found that I liked not shaving my legs. But eventually I had to because of summer and whatnot. With the face, I'm not sure. I feel like I'd be afraid to.... I hope I answered your questions.
Well. From all the info put together. You seem trans* male. Though, I can't fell you that you are. Now I'd advise finding a gender therapist and whatnot. Just take all the information and see for yourself. It's up to you to decide what you'll do with that info. You're on the road to self discovery. With the shaving thing. I too, had to shave for summer (huge bummer). The face does seem a bit nerve wracking. But I guess, if you decide this is what's best, you'll figure it out when you get there.
