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I am soooo happy but need advice (to Genderqueer & mtf))

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Linux Lenny, Jun 8, 2014.

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  1. Linux Lenny

    Linux Lenny
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    Since coming out to my mom and telling her about my gender issue , I feel so happy she was so supportive . The first 2 days after coming out to her were really awful but after that something strange happened , I don't know how to explain it but I feel SO REAL . I have so much emotions and I'm very excited about my future . I look at girls and guys in a different way than before , I feel that I want to date all the girls and guys in this world , I feel that I have new eyes !! I don't know how to explain this but it is really nice , this is the first time in my life that I feel like this , I feel like I found myself and that I was dead before and now I am born !

    But still the idea of dating is scary , I do not want to date a gay guy , I am attracted to straight guys only , I can't imagine myself in a gay relationship . But the problem how can I date a straight guy ? I mean I am a guy physically even if I believe that I can 80% pass . I am 180cm and 60 kg and I have somehow feminine face , but I am still a guy and I don't think a straight guy would be interested in me ? add to that I don't want to transition . All this is new to me and I don't know where to begin ? but I am soooooooooooo happy and I feel that the depression is leaving very fast (!).

    Thanks for reading (*hug*)
    L.L
     
    #1 Linux Lenny, Jun 8, 2014
  2. Peacemaker

    Peacemaker
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    oh, wat about your taste in women?
     
    #2 Peacemaker, Jun 8, 2014
  3. Linux Lenny

    Linux Lenny
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    I love to be with a girl but not as a straight guy , I can't do this . I fantasize about finding a bisexual girl who would be interested in me and I think it is easier than finding a guy . But I really want to date a guy but I think it is a pure fantasy unfortunately :/
     
    #3 Linux Lenny, Jun 8, 2014
  4. BookDragon

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    Just a thought, but what do you think the difference is between straight guys and gay guys?
     
    #4 BookDragon, Jun 8, 2014
  5. Peacemaker

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    oh so um are you biologically male or female? (sorry if the question might offend you but, the answer would better allow me to help you)
     
    #5 Peacemaker, Jun 8, 2014
  6. Linux Lenny

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    Gay guys are interested in guys but I am not totally a guy , I feel that I am attracted to guys who are into girls , I like him to treat me somehow like a girl . Being in a gay relationship is a turn off for me . I don't think I will be fully happy with a gay guy .

    ---------- Post added 8th Jun 2014 at 03:16 PM ----------
    Not at all , I am ok with being a guy but somehow I have a feminine side and it is growing day by day .
     
    #6 Linux Lenny, Jun 8, 2014
  7. Miiaaaaa

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    Treating you like a girl should be the same as treating you like a guy... Equality an' all that. :slight_smile:
     
    #7 Miiaaaaa, Jun 8, 2014
  8. Linux Lenny

    Linux Lenny
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    Thanks mia for answering , I don't know if I understood you well but what I meant is Gay guys are attracted to guys right ? I feel that knowing this wont satisfy my feminine side . I am totally confused right now but I feel that I want to date a straight guy and of course that's impossible in the current circumstances .
     
    #8 Linux Lenny, Jun 8, 2014
  9. Peacemaker

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    what about a bi guy or girl?
     
    #9 Peacemaker, Jun 8, 2014
  10. BookDragon

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    Well for starters what about bi/pansexual people?
     
    #10 BookDragon, Jun 8, 2014
  11. Linux Lenny

    Linux Lenny
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    Thanks Holly and peacemaker for answering

    I think that bi people are my only choices , but the problem is in real life I don't know anyone in LGBT community so I have no idea how it would be being with a bi guy or bi girl , my past relationships were all with straight girls till now .

    I would like to ask you holly did you date a guy before ? and if yes how was it ? I mean as a girl would you be interested in gay guys ? I am really confused .

    Thanks
     
    #11 Linux Lenny, Jun 8, 2014
  12. BookDragon

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    I've only ever dated a girl before, and that was long before I came out.

    Just like you, I don't think I could date a gay guy. If I dated a gay guy I would be worried he saw me as a man, and I'm not a man. So I completely understand your concern.

    I think the biggest issue for me is that my body WILL change. If I dated a gay man eventually I would have to accept the fact that he probably just won't find me attractive any more. One day I will have breasts and I will have a vagina, and if a guy isn't OK with that, I'm not going to be able to date him.

    But you say you are not going to transition which makes me wonder...

    How would you feel if someone treated you like a woman, but still appreciated your male body?
     
    #12 BookDragon, Jun 8, 2014
  13. Peacemaker

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    yea, im wondering that too
     
    #13 Peacemaker, Jun 8, 2014
  14. Linux Lenny

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    Actually , my physical form can help me somehow , If I grow my hair , wear some neutral clothes and put some makeup/earrings( which I am planning to do soon) no body will have a clue if I am a guy or a girl and most people would think that I am a girl so I don't feel the need to transition , of course I don't have boobs or vagina but that's not a problem for me now . I don't know what the future will bring , maybe one day I might feel that I am actually a female inside but for now I don't have problems with my male parts at all .

    My attraction to guys are more romantic attraction so I want him to hold me , protect me and love me as a girl . I know that might be confusing for you but I am still coming to terms with who I am but I feel that I am finally on the right way to happiness .
     
    #14 Linux Lenny, Jun 8, 2014
  15. BookDragon

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    My attraction to guys are more romantic attraction so I want him to hold me , protect me and love me as a girl ..

    There is nothing you could ever say that would make more sense to me than this. I understand what you mean perfectly.

    I'm not sure what to say other than try not to think so hard about how other people identify.

    What you want is a man who will treat you like a woman and can appreciate your body. It doesn't really matter what their orientation is as long as they see you how you want them to!
     
    #15 BookDragon, Jun 8, 2014
  16. Linux Lenny

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    Thanks Holly , to be honest I am very terrified that if I told a gay guy to treat me like a girl that he would make fun of me . That's another thing which makes me very scared of dating a gay guy . I am very vulnerable at this time of my life and one mistake with the wrong guy would crash me into pieces and would send me back to the deep depression .

    I would like to ask you , I have seen one of your comments in a different thread , you wrote that you discovered that you are a girl very recently so I am curious to know , did you know from the beginning that you are completely a girl inside ? or that came gradually ? I mean , did you identify as genderqueer/genderfluid at the beginning ?
     
    #16 Linux Lenny, Jun 8, 2014
  17. BookDragon

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    It's taken quite a while to get to where I am at the moment.

    It took me a long while to accept I was trans, I originally thought I was just a cross-dresser or had a panty fetish...

    I accepted that I was more female than male some time late last year, but I only realised I needed surgery in the last few months.

    For a while I was pretty sure I could be happy leaving my body as it was, but after a several months I realised I can't.

    Originally I don't think I identified as anything. The first thing I did on this forum was to declare that I am not sure if I actually AM a girl! Perhaps I would have identified as genderqueer if I had known it existed at the time!
     
    #17 BookDragon, Jun 8, 2014
  18. Linux Lenny

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    Thanks for answering , To be honest I am now very open minded, if I realize in the future that I am just a pan/bisexual girl then I will go for it , I don't want to repress anything anymore , I don't want to go again into the black hole of depression , I had enough .

    For now I will just ignore the idea of dating for a little while , I will focus more on my gender issue .

    And btw you look great in your profile picture , I love your hair style .
     
    #18 Linux Lenny, Jun 8, 2014
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