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Not sure where i fit

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by confusedmale, Jun 10, 2014.

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  1. confusedmale

    confusedmale Guest

    So i guess one of my questions of many are, if u crossdress does that mean u want to be a woman? Its weird for me, there are times when i feel very feminine, and want to wear sexy womens clothes, but i dont really have the desire to become a woman, i like the feeling when i dress up but i only have certain times when i feel this way. Its kinda like i just wanna escape and pretend. I really like women but last 8-9 years there have been few guys who just turn me on and i cant get the thoughts outta my head. I have wicked fantasies that make me wanna just be taken. My wife knows that i dress up sometimes, and she has been very supportive with encorperating it into our sexlife. I also am not a fan of body hair, but there are limitations to what my wife will allow, like not shaving my chest or legs. So i am just kinda wondering what is up with me?
     
    #1 confusedmale, Jun 10, 2014
  2. Acm

    Acm Guest

    Crossdressing doesn't necessarily make someone trans, although it can be a sign. Do you just like wearing female clothing, or do you actually feel like you are a girl/should have been born a girl?
     
    #2 Acm, Jun 10, 2014
  3. confusedmale

    confusedmale Guest

    Well, I think i just like wearing the clothes, but it kinda makes me feel really feminine. I dont really wanna be a girl but it feels nice to pretend sometimes. And i really like the way i look when im dressed up. I dont always have the desire to do it, but when i do i really feel like i wanna be with the guys i fantasize about. Its like poof i get dressed up and i just wanna be that sexy girl pleasing her man. But its not always just certain times i feel this way.
     
    #3 confusedmale, Jun 10, 2014
  4. Acm

    Acm Guest

    In my opinion you're probably a crossdresser then
     
    #4 Acm, Jun 10, 2014
  5. Summer Rose

    Summer Rose
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    Well you just answered your own question: you don't want to be a girl. You could just consider yourselfa femi guy who crossdresses.
     
    #5 Summer Rose, Jun 10, 2014
  6. confusedmale

    confusedmale Guest

    Ok, i guess i can c that, but what about my thoughts about other men, is it weird that i only find certain men attractive and have fantasys about having sex with them?? And should i act on my feelings or should i just let them cloud my mind and think about ot constantly? I really enjoy sex with my wife, but i just cant get thoughts and images out of my head. I get very aroused thinking about and pleasing another man. My wife has suggested bringing a guy into our bed, and even described what she wants me to do to him. I just think about it all the time and its distracting.
     
    #6 confusedmale, Jun 10, 2014
  7. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    is it weird that i only find certain men attractive and have fantasys about having sex with them??

    Do you find every woman in the world attractive?

    As for the sexual side of things...

    I mean, what do you actually want from a guy, sexually. Is it the idea of pleasuring a guy and making him feel good that you enjoy, or do you want a guy to do stuff to you? Or both?
     
    #7 BookDragon, Jun 10, 2014
  8. confusedmale

    confusedmale Guest

    Ok good point i dont find all women attractive, I do however like the thought of pleasing and being pleased by another guy, and by that i mean i wanna try everything, oral, penetration, and i already have kinda a sub personality so some bondage as well. I think i would like to include my wife as well but, like to try it solo first. When my wife started to realize, she started trying things with me, and its a real turn on.
     
    #8 confusedmale, Jun 10, 2014
  9. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    So, and not wanting to pry too deeply into your private affairs without permission, but is there anything your wife cannot do (either by herself or with toys or whatever) that you feel you would like to try?
     
    #9 BookDragon, Jun 10, 2014
  10. confusedmale

    confusedmale Guest

    We have tried the toys and such but, still cant help wondering what it would be like with the real deal. Its just not the same with toys, but enjoyable none the less
     
    #10 confusedmale, Jun 10, 2014
  11. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    Well if your wife has suggested bringing a guy into the bedroom...

    How would you feel about that, knowing of course that you would set boundaries in advance
     
    #11 BookDragon, Jun 10, 2014
  12. confusedmale

    confusedmale Guest

    I would be in heaven, just the thought of it is exciting. Something about the real flesh and ejaculation and wow.
     
    #12 confusedmale, Jun 10, 2014
  13. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    Well I can understand that xD

    If you're wife suggested it, why not talk to her about it.

    Think about it, what you are saying to us is that you love your wife, but you have certain urges you are not sure you can deal with on your own. You're not trying to leave her or form an emotional connection, and more importantly you are going to great lengths to make sure you don't do something she will be upset by!

    If she suggested it, then it might be worth a conversation at least.
     
    #13 BookDragon, Jun 10, 2014
  14. confusedmale

    confusedmale Guest

    Yes its not an emotional thing for me its just all about sexual urge. Think we may try to make this happen. Maybe then my thoughts will be not a clouded.
     
    #14 confusedmale, Jun 10, 2014
  15. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    Just be clear to your wife how you feel about the whole thing, and allow her to be honest with you about how she feels!
     
    #15 BookDragon, Jun 10, 2014
  16. confusedmale

    confusedmale Guest

    Well i can tell u my wife has no problem being brutally honest. I do have couple of fears tho, We have been together longer than we have been apart, and one fear is loosing all that we have. The other is work and friends, if anyone found out my issues it would be devastating. I say i dont care what people think, but some of the people i work with are brutally homophobic. Even tho i think im just bi they would not understand.
     
    #16 confusedmale, Jun 10, 2014
  17. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    Well let's split that concern for a minute. We've got concerns about your home life, and then you've got concerns about your work/social life.


    Now, full disclosure, I have had one relationship, it lasted 6 months, and I'll be honest, I wasn't nearly as into it as I should have been, so I can't even pretend to fully empathise with what it means to be in a long term marriage.

    I'm point that out, because obviously while I can analyse the things you say, and it might be pretty accurate, I obviously can't match the emotional intensity that you will feel. It's all well and good for me to say "Why don't you do this" because it would work 'logically', because I'm not invested in it. But you are. You have all sorts riding on getting this right, so if anything I say doesn't sit right, you feel free to ignore it completely, or at least take a little longer to consider it.

    We'll start with home.

    You worry about losing what you have, which immediately makes me wonder what you think you might lose, and how you think it might happen.

    So perhaps it is worth thinking about what specific things you might lose as a result of exploring this side of you.

    When you've thought about this, perhaps it would be a good idea to consider what would have to happen in order for you those fears to be realised.

    I'll give you an example.

    I am theoretically open to poly relationships, but my big concern is that by bringing a third person into a relationship, I risk losing the first.

    So that is my fear, or what I would lose. I would lose my original partner.

    In order for that fear to be realised my original partner and the new partner would have to build a stronger connection to each other than to me, and would also have to decide that I was not worth having in their relationship.

    Now I've done that, I can start to consider how likely it is that those things would happen and try to think of ways I can prevent it.

    Now you, obviously, are not thinking of a poly relationship, your are thinking of having a threesome, so your responses to those questions may be different to mine.


    Now work and friends.

    To put it simply, how much time do you spend sharing the intimate details of your sex life with other people?

    It's not like you are going to be filming this and putting it on the internet, or going out in public with this other guy. It's a private, personal thing happening within (presumably) your own home.

    How would they find out?
     
    #17 BookDragon, Jun 10, 2014
  18. confusedmale

    confusedmale Guest

    Very nice post, made things alot cleare for me. I dont think she would leave me for another, and nor would I for her. She has been so supportive to me and all of my sexual issues of which i have many. And we have sucessfully raised 2 awesome children. We even think so much alike it would be hard to imagine her leaving. As far as work goes I only really have one true friend, who for the record im not attracted to and am not completely open with. He would be the only one who could say anything and since he doesnt know, you are right they prop would never even know. I just wanna say it has taken me a long time to even decide to join EC. And even ask the questions i have so far. I am normally shy and apprehensive about being around people and crowds, i am so paranoid that people know my secrets. I just wanna let it out but its awkward.
     
    #18 confusedmale, Jun 10, 2014
  19. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    Revealing secrets is the hardest thing a lot of us can do...but you're about as anonymous as you can get here, and it's about the safest place I can think of for your secrets to be.

    Just let things out when you feel comfortable... :slight_smile:
     
    #19 BookDragon, Jun 10, 2014
  20. confusedmale

    confusedmale Guest

    Thx it has been good so far, its nice to know im not alone in my feelings. I have been messed up in the head for so many years even broke down few times. Im sure i will get more comfortable here and be able to talk.
     
    #20 confusedmale, Jun 10, 2014
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