I'm not really sure who I am. I'm new to this forum but not new to thinking about these things. For a while I thought I might have been trans*. I'm born and raised a girl but I've never in my life felt like it. I've always insisted on wearing a t-shirt and jeans, I haven't owned a dress since I was four years old. I've always felt more comfortable being "one of hey he guys" and I hate to even call myself a woman or check off that box on forms. I've always thought that this stemmed from body insecurity due to my weight but being flirted with, having my period, my sister wanting to do my hair or make up, all of it always makes me anxious and mad and most of the time I feel like crying but I don't know if this makes me trans*. I think I'd like to be a guy, I would like to have a flat chest, some ###### on my face, a short hair cut but the idea of coming out as trans* is just...a lot. My parents don't believe that depression is a thing (that I have and have been diagnosed with) there's so many people that know me as a women, I love my name, I just finished college and I feel like I missed my opportunity to do this. It's so much work and I have so much respect for the people that do transition. Sometimes I just wonder if I'm gender queer, if I'm just not okay with the lack of recognition that comes with that title and I'm looking for something more substantial. Sometimes I use the fact that I'm definitely sexually attracted to men as an excuse, that I'm a women who is attracted to men, not a gay man in a women's body...it just feels so complicated and I get exhausted and emotional thinking about all of this. I don't know what I'm looking for. Maybe support, suggestions, I haven't even told my therapist this stuff because I don't know where to start. I know there's never an ideal time for things to happen but it's surly not in the middle of a job hunt. I've let myself get bogged down with logistics of when and how for so long though that I don't know what I am and I'm looking for help clarifying that I guess.
Welcome to EC I hope we can help you! Oh where to start...hmm... Well first things first, your are either 'trans' or you aren't, ok, there is no scale, there is no 'trans enough', if you are then you are, but the only person who can say that is you. What I mean by that is, if you feel a certain way and decide you are trans, that's just it, but it's up to you to make that call. SO a couple of questions spring to mind initially: You say you are "born and raised a girl but I've never in my life felt like it", so the obvious thing to ask is what do you think being a girl feels like, and how do you feel differently? (I know you've explained some of this in terms of how your dress and things I'm just wondering if there is anything more). Assuming you're not 'a girl', we should give some thought to what you might be. So in order to do that, we are going to think about boys. What do you imagine being a boy feels like? Do you feel like this, or do you feel differently? You've used the word 'genderqueer' in your post, so I'm going to assume you understand what it means. So my first thought on this is why you've decided to use it. What makes you feel 'gender queer' as opposed to anything else?
