Feeling...sexual

Well you sound like you don´t like "feeling sexual" at all, but it´s really the most natural thing in the world after you have gone through puberty (exept when you´re asexual).
I must admit, I don´t know many of your posts, and I don´t know how long you´ve been taking hormones, but if you are "going through female puberty" right now, then that would explain it.

I also think that it means that you are getting more comfortable with youself and your body, so it´s definetly a good sign, because you can only be comfortable with another person if you are with yourself.

You say that you wouldn´t like to break that rule, so don´t break it. It´s not like desire is going to "completely overwhelm" you and "make you do things you don´t want to" or something like that, because you sound like you´re afraid of that. And, sorry if that sounds too extreme for you but I don´t know any other way to say it: You can always have fun by yourself and fantasize. Or maybe you find someone you like and who also likes you, that would be even nicer. :icon_wink
And stop feeling like you´re never going to find someone, because every person is different, and you may just haven´t found the person who fits together with you yet. :icon_wink

I hope my random collection of thoughts was able to help you!

 

I did the same thing. I waited and waited and waited. It wasn't until I found someone I was willing to share that with that I did anything. I can say that for me it was well worth it. For others it might be different.

Might I suggest that you explore this with care and take your time. I know, it's difficult to sit there and want to be sexual when you're alone. But it's better to take your time than to maybe rush into something.

 

I can relate. I haven't dated anyone in 4 years, mostly because of my dysphoria, that head butting of wanting to be close to someone, but feeling like there's something off...gee, I wonder what.

But the thing is, humans are sexual beings, so those desires are still there, and are very conflicting with feeling like you're incomplete, or not how you want to see yourself. I've mostly resigned myself to not dating again until I feel more comfortable in my skin, but it doesn't take away the wish to occasionally have someone to hold, or someone to hold me.

And then there's those mornings where you just wake up and you want to *text deleted so as to not get into TMI territory* and then you *text deleted so as to not get into TMI territory*

But, yeah, you're not alone.

 

First, (*hug*). And now moving on...

I think a lot of us can empathize with how you've felt and how you're feeling now. I'm close to the "wait until marriage type" (minimum, a promise of proposal and accompanying ring) but that doesn't mean that the desire isn't there. The thing is that there is a difference between raw desire and focused desire. When it's raw (like what you describe), it's just a natural physiological occurrence - especially common before age 25 or so. But following this and matching it with someone else's raw desire won't lead to anything meaningful - release, perhaps, but not love. Still, if it is only release that you need, just pursue this carefully.

I'll share my personal reason for being able to wait - because it's focused desire that I want. When I use to think about just "getting it over with," I never could because I want real intimacy and to crave, not sex, but another person. Just sex would be like exercising, nothing more than a sequence of movements. Making love should feel consuming, like it's the person you need more than anything in the world. Maybe after a hook-up you leave or they do, maybe you kiss, maybe you say nothing. But if you're with someone whom you love and who loves you, they're the one you will fall asleep and wake up beside. That, more than anything is what's worked to keep me in check: a desire that is stronger than that for sex - the simple desire to kiss the woman I love goodnight.

So, take that for whatever it's worth.

 

Anyone who doesn't look at you as an equal partner (or preferably, as the light of their life!) doesn't touch you, is that clear, young lady? Don't make me get my broadsword and start chasing some jerks. :roflmao: jk. (But I do have a broadsword :lol

 

I went from sex all the time (17-22) to mask feelings. Then every 5 years since has seen a huge decline into nothingness. I can't feign interest anymore and the thought of sex with dude parts makes me very upset. I don't see anything happening until a few years down the road when srs is over with. I'm glad my wife is understanding.

I agree with Gates btw (minus the broadsword) and will sternly scold someone and give them the death stare if they don't treat you right. I am happy that you are opening up more and allowing yourself to think about the future. To me it means you're more comfy in your own skin and that's wonderful.

 

right next to you Gates, old boy. Katana and Bow in hand.

Holly, i kind of know how your feeling. im middle aged, balding, over weight (working on that) and i hate so many parts of my body it's ridiculous, who wants that?:bang::tears: and you have lots of time, believe it or not. (*hug*)

 

and just to add, you look great. ive seen your before and now pictures and your fabulous.

---------- Post added 11th Jun 2014 at 08:27 PM ----------

only if i run out of arrows pin cushioning all your suitors to the wall(*hug*)

 

Oh my God you sound like me. I too am wanting to do stuff but for years had had the "I want it to be with someone special" thing, and when it starts to break, it's so weird... yet natural... but still... gkeroihnejoe?!?!
I think you need to try and get your finger on what you really want. Is the desire to just let go stronger than the wish to share sexual experiences with someone special? The other way round? 50/50? Just be honest with AND KIND TO yourself - if you feel you wanna go just go for it, don't beat yourself up. That said, don't rush into things if you know in your hearts of hearts you'll regret it. But even if you do, still don't beat yourself up over it!
I really want to sing Let it Go now... goddamit...

 

I have a katana, wakizashi, bow and arrows, and a broadsword. I think between the two of us, we have enough armory to protect the ladies... and perhaps begrudgingly share with them if asked. :roflmao:

---------- Post added 11th Jun 2014 at 05:30 PM ----------

You'll find someone, Holly, for sure. Don't give up! (*hug*)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGLSk3AVcUU

 

mmm looks at wall, katana, cutlas, sai, kung fu sword, broad sword, couple of daggers, couple Shillelaghs, thats not even counting the fire arms locker:lol: yup, we good.

 

I'm like the only one without weapons haha. Look out I have my Nalgene bottle, nail file and can dial 911! I do have an axe though that I once killed a giant possum with (it was on the porch trying to hurt some 2 week old kittens so please no hate!!).