I have a bad habit... I've heard some cut themselves, some have suicidal thoughts and much more... Ever since i became aware that i was strange i started drinking anti-socially, it wasn't much at first, took a sip from my dads drinks cabinet before going to bed when everyone was sleeping and such. But then i moved out, got a girlfriend, but i wasn't pleased with myself when we were doing the deed, so i started buying my own alcohol, it started in the weekends, but soon it became in the week days, mostly once or twice a week, but it happened. Then we broke up after 8 months of being together, it became more frequent, 2-3 times a week and sometimes i would get hangovers the next day and not go to school. Then i started looking into what i was feeling, then i find this strange thing called Transgender and well... If it looks likes a dog and smells like a dog... Well, the drinking didn't stop pretty much until i found this Forum! I was happy lurking for awhile, and finally got the guts to join as a member and make my first post, and from there on out i pretty much started my transitioning, things got better, i bought my first set of lady clothes, it was great! i bought my first makeup, it was great! But now, for the last couple of days i have been feeling shit, i guess my comfort with being a woman in my house has finally cought up with me when i was at a friends place for 4 days in a row working on a school project, not being able to express myself... So now im here, drinking my 8th beer, typing this message... I guess im just venting but, but i do feel crappy :/
I know.. But i had a good month or two without this... And now i just feel like shit again, in the end it has become an very addictive habit... But i cant help it when i feel really depressed ,_, ---------- Post added 12th Jun 2014 at 01:00 AM ---------- Today we had a class thing, getting together, playing football and grilling some food, on the way home i went to the store, got home and took a bath, painted my nails, did my make up and cried for like 15 minutes... ,_,
Oh honey! (*hug*) The obvious question I have to ask...is what are you taking from this? I mean spending time doing guy things and pretending to be a dude, and all of a sudden you're depressed and drinking...can't be a good thing... (*hug*)
I am not 100% sure, but i do think it has something to do with it.. Discomfort is a great part of it :/
Well, i know for an fact that all my friends but 1 is anti-gay... So thats amazing... My mother is somehwta cool with gays but she hated the last winner of Eurovision, the cross dresser, and my father is somewhat casual with it all... I have known my friends for so long that i once was one of those people who lay down judgement on anyone who falls out of the norm :/
Well shit...starting to see why drinking seemed like a good idea...but we can't think like that! Last thing we need is for you to develop a serious drinking problem just because your friends suck and your family could go either way. Is there anything, even small things that make you feel better and more 'you' (by that I mean, feminine) that you can do discretely so that you're not completely stuck as male around your friends?
Well, i have grown out my hair for the last two years, and very recently stopped biting my nails out of nervosity, so they are actually growing now, but i just dont know other wise, i am not starting to wear makeup or female clothes to parties or my school
What about underwear...that made me feel better and nobody ever knew...or clear nail varnish or painted toe nails, that sort of thing...
Well, i'll be honest, i've only bought two femaly undergarments and i dread them so far.... But i guess paiting my toenails wouldn't be too bad, i always wear socks... It might make me feel better
It's worth a try if nothing else...perhaps do them with clear nail varnish first just in case you find yourself sockless... I found little things like that make it a bit more tolerable when everything seems hopeless! (*hug*)
All in all, very good suggestions, and i will try and paint my toenails before i leave in the morning, if nothingelse, its worth a try.
I hope it helps a little...I mean it's not going to make you feel GREAT but it might be a little better...
Zeeque, I'm sorry that you were hurting. It is good that you recognize drinking isn't the best answer. I like Holly's idea about doing the little things to make yourself feel special and more like a lady. I should take her advice as well I didn't go to work at all today and had to talk myself down from having a panic attack while driving to get food for dinner. (Prominant adams apple and having to shave my face/body just got me down this morning to the point of wanting to vomit.) Its going to be such a long process to get to where I want, but I know that the people here on EC are fighting the same things and it helps me from doing things I'd regret.
