1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Confused (Rant)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by hii, Jun 11, 2014.

  1. hii

    hii
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2014
    Messages:
    159
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    (Near) Toronto, ON
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    ...I'm back. :lol:

    Things felt very genderized today and it was discomfiting.

    We had sex ed., which doesn't make me uncomfortable but being forced to remember what my parts actually are did today. So tonight, body dysphoria to the max.

    There were people separating out genders a lot today.

    I have a crush on this guy and it seems that it might become more than that but, even at this stage, it keeps bugging me that he's only attracted to me because I appear female. I wonder if I would be alright being a girl after all and it makes me confused. But in all honesty I really don't feel like a girl. I'm very bothered.

    I had to go graduation dress shopping last weekend and the whole time I was thinking, "I want a suit. I want a suit. I want a suit.", but that would be too much to spring on my mom. So, I got a dress. It was a nice dress. It felt weird but, you know.

    It's funny how I doubt myself most when my dysphoria is at it's worst. It's like I know I'm not a girl, but I don't know if I'd make a good guy. It's hard to tell at this point.

    Sorry about that, just ranting. Still another 2 weeks until I can talk to my therapist about all this. Blah.
     
  2. BookDragon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2013
    Messages:
    4,605
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Welcome back! Sorry to hear you're having a bad time :frowning2: