Struggling With Women as a Girly Guy

I know this doesn't sound like a gender issue, but let me explain.

I'm a girly, kind, shy, and sensitive guy, at least on the inside, and yet I'm completely straight. But I struggle a lot to keep women interested, and they often end up just wanting to be friends in the end. A lot of them even talk about the guy they are interested in right in front of me. How can they be so heartless?

So this latest one I've dated told me she has something going on with someone else and that she just wants to be friends but that she's willing to talk about anything....which was totally frustrating to me, and made me cry....again.

I now wonder a few things:

1. Should I take her up on this offer and tell her that I am really girly and sensitive and would want to talk about these issues and possibly try on her clothes? Or should I just let this one fly away too? It would certainly be easier and less harmful to my pride to simply cut her out of my life.

2. How do I meet women who are authentically interested in girly sensitive types?

3. Do I have to project myself in front of women differently, in a more masculine way, to get better results? I hate to admit it, but most girls are interested in masculine types and it's very hard to find one who's not, even when they don't admit it. But I just want to be myself.

4. It's so hard not for me to be a little misanthropic and even a little misogynistic after getting heartbroken time and time again. How can I combat this?

 

No, it absolutely doesn't make a girl heartless to be interested in someone else. But it does make her heartless (even if she's unaware of it) to tell me about another guy she likes better for a pretty lengthy period of time when I'm dating her, or I have dated her- and this has happened to me multiple times.

I use the word misogyny very lightly, and ironically. I don't hate women and I always defend women when people use derogatory terms like "bitch". (though my misanthropic tendencies are pretty strong). But I do hate having my emotions crushed time and time again.

 

I never said that either. I'm saying that she doesn't have to tell me about it directly, when she knows I have a crush on her, does she? That's just wrong, I'm sorry, there's no need to mention another guy.

Anyway, yeah. If anything, I'm just jealous of women for being praised to be sensitive and girly. And it's frustrating to be turned down for having those very same qualities, just because I'm a man.

 

Because she's either currently dating me or she has dated me? I just think it's common etiquette, I wouldn't talk about a girl I liked better in front of a girl I was dating (Though I'm guilty of having done it once and I feel terrible for it). To me, it's courtesy, but I'm happy to agree to disagree.

 

I think it is extremely hurtful, because it implies I'm not as good as someone else. But maybe we can agree to disagree? I don't care to argue. (Though I do apologize for using the word "misogyny", it wasn't what I meant)

 

Thank you, that means a lot . I'm trying not to let past hurts get in the way of finding someone who cares about me for who I am.

I have no desire to play any kind of dating game, I just want to be myself, and be acknowledged for doing so!

 

I definitely realize that being in a relationship is a privilege, and not a right. At the end of the day, we are often alone, and we have to depend on ourselves first. That is what attracts other people to be around us. Even if a relationship fosters, there is no guarantee that it will last. People change their hearts. People get sick. Bad things happen. So I just want to enjoy every moment with everyone and show them that I care when I have the chance. So you're right- it is essential for me to continue being myself.

That being said, it's really tough for me to combat loneliness and emotional withdrawal. And it's tough for me to spend so much time opening up to someone, only to get hurt before a true relationship can even begin. Not to say it was all for naught.

I'm not used to be friends with someone after dating them either, no matter how brief. In all cases, the friendship failed for one reason or another. Should I be open to giving this a shot?