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Broaching the Trans* topic with friends...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by SockPuppet, Jun 12, 2014.

  1. SockPuppet

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    So, I sort of touched on this in the coming out forum, but I wanted to get the opinion about the lovely peeps in here as I feel like this can be fairly particular to our circles.

    How would you bring up the topic of being trans* without coming right out and telling someone. Testing the waters, as it were. Not to be insulting or diminishing to the rest of the LGB spectrum, but we're sort of in our own category in that the others involve orientation, where as being Trans* involves the rest of your physical self.

    So, it feels like it's more difficult to get the people close to you's opinions on how they feel about transgendered issues. LGB's, as a subject, is more mainstream, for lack of a better term, and while it in no way makes coming out easier for them, I feel like it's easier to gauge peoples opinions about it.

    But how do you bring up the subject about being transgendered, or find a topic of conversation to get their opinions on the subject?

    I just...want to have someone offline who knows me who I can talk to...and I don't know how to start...:eusa_doh:
     
  2. Miiaaaaa

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    Orientation is also a lot more well known and respected. (Not as much as it needs to be, but still.)

    As for how to test the waters, I dunno. When I told the LGBT society (hoping it'd be fine), I was drunk. :L
     
  3. Kasey

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    To be honest... i was somewhat drunk when I came out to my best friend.

    And at the risk of sounding like an ass... coming out trans is much harder than being gay or lesbian. Once to you come out as trans THEN you tell people your orientation...

    Until I came out transgender topics were never discussed in my life anywhere ever besides one time my friend insulting a trans woman at a store. If I knew what I knew now I'd have punched him in the face. But I was deeply closeted and not even understanding myself then.

    The point is... it's hard to broach the topic and come out if you don't show the signs before hand.

    My parents will ... probably be shocked when I tell them. I've tried expressing feminine qualities. That got shut down. I wasn't forceful enough because I did think I was anymore than a crossdresser.

    Oh man... hindsight is 20/20.
     
  4. Acm

    Acm Guest

    You could try to bring up some news regarding trans things to see their reaction, or show them a trans related video. It's a pretty good time for trans news considering how big trans women have been in the media lately (Laverne Cox, Janet Mock, etc) like for example you could show them the latest issue of TIME magazine and see how they react. Or if they've seen Orange Is The New Black you could see what they think of Sophia. If you can be subtle about it hopefully they won't realize
     
  5. SockPuppet

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    This is it exactly! I was out with my sister in law last Saturday...we were talking hair as I'm getting her to do up my hair all pretty for my friends wedding in July, and then we went to the Lush store and smelled pretty stuff & I bought some make-up, and I was feeling pretty good, I had it in my head that I was going to tell her, that night. I'd been dropping hints practically all day. I had my therapists appointment, so she occupied herself for an hour and then we went out to grab a bite to eat, and I was going to tell her then....when she starts going on about a girl she saw while I was at my appointment and how "she was about as tall as you, with broader shoulders and red hair, and she was wearing these high waisted shorts, and I was really trying to be subtle about trying to tell if she had a dick..."
    And then in an instant, I wasn't going to tell her anything that night...
     
  6. Kasey

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    My brother uses "fag" like it's the word "the".

    Yea I'm not really wanting to come out to him considering the discussion I've had with him about using that word. I've told my mom to stop using gay and fag to describe our male cats being effeminate.

    I'm going to drop subtle hints to my parents about me sometime. I really want to tell them about me this summer...

    But my mom acted like I died when I left grad school. I can only imagine when I tell her I'd rather have been born and perceived as female...
     
  7. stormborn

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    hear me out on this one, but i tested the waters with my friends while talking about Finding Nemo... :lol:

    we were talking about the movie and one of my friends said something about a scientific inaccuracy (i'm not sure why, since its a movie about talking fish...), and i remarked that in addition to whatever my friend said, marlin should have been female by the end of the movie, because clownfish have the ability to change sex, and since nemo's mom died, marlin should have changed. then i said that in Finding Dory, they should make marlin female. i said that it would send a good message to children. my friends were a bit confused so i started going on a rant about how gender is a societal construct, how misrepresented trans and queer people are, etc. when they got me to shut up, they agreed that marlin should be female in Finding Dory.

    so there's that :lol:
     
  8. SockPuppet

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    (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 12th Jun 2014 at 07:56 PM ----------

    This is fantastic! I can't believe this never occurred to be...well, no, I can believe it, but I'm so going to bring this up.
     
  9. PeytonRose

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    I'm having this issue myself at the moment. I mean, I've come out to my siblings (my oldest sister actually came to terms with it and acknowledged me as her sister today!!!) but to friends and extended family, that's another story. Not only that but I'm worried that people will tell me I'm rubbing it in their faces if that makes sense.
     
  10. LonestarConnie

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    Hey, way to go, congrats on your older sister calling you her sister (*hug*)

    And no, I don't think you're rubbing it in their faces.
     
  11. PeytonRose

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    I know that I'm not but that's how some people perceive me dressing as myself.
     
  12. SockPuppet

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    I think, as far as fully coming out, I don't think that's something we can control...other people's reactions are going to be their reactions. You know the truth of yourself.

    I had an idea about probing the topic, which I think I'm going to try tonight. There's this episode of Bones that involved a murder suspect who was MtF. Basically, this person was formerly a fire and brimstone televangelist who'd been hiding that she was trans, and ended up disappearing from her family and congregation so she could transition and live her own life. Granted, she gets murdered, but regardless, I thought they handled the topic really well. Anyway, I have a friend coming over tonight to hang out and I think I'm going to have that episode playing, and be like "oh, just watching Bones, have a seat", and then be kinda like "so what do you think of all that?" after it's done, all casual-like. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    I'll report how this one works.
     
  13. Acm

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    Good luck!
     
  14. stormborn

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    my teacher mentioned to me that there was an episode of house (i think?) like that as well! i'm going to have to start watching these shows :lol:



    another good talking point i've found is just saying something like "i watched an interesting documentary last night." mentioned it to my friend, and said i'd watched a doc about gender issues and stuff, she inquired further, and we got into a good discussion. she says she's going to watch it, so that's also a plus :wink:
     
  15. Unkempt Harold

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    I guess what I'm doing is telling all the people I have a good feeling about. So far this as worked. After I start really dressing up, wearing make up, getting more of a feminine grove going then I'll tell the parents :/.
     
  16. SockPuppet

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    Interesting. Do you know the name of the documentary?
     
  17. LonestarConnie

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    I recommend the Sundance film documentary "Transgeneration"
     
  18. stormborn

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    it was "Middle Sexes -- Redefining He and She". it's on youtube if you'd like! Middle Sexes - Redefining He and She - 2005 - YouTube
     
  19. PeytonRose

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    There's one I watched simply called "Trans" that I found to be very good and very informative as well :slight_smile:
     
  20. BelleFromHell

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    Thank you...

    I'm a ciswoman, but I'm still getting sick of people confusing sexual orientation for gender identity, and vice versa.

    Do you watch any TV shows that have trans characters? I think there's a transwoman in Glee.
    Whenever a trans related topic comes on the news, watch how they react.

    Sorry my advice is so terrible...

    I'm out as lesbian to about 20 people now, but I've asked people to out me numerous times, so I kinda cheated... :lol:

    I'm sure coming out as trans is more difficult. All I can do is offer hugs~ (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)