Hi everyone, My last thread and this new one have the same title, because nothing has been really resolved yet. I've progressed since last time I posted here : I now indentify as genderqueer, instead of just being an unhappy cisgender female But... well, the only thing I've done since then is aknowledge my doubts, and nothing else! So here starts the problem: what do I do with those doubts? Only three people in this world know I'm doubting about my gender. One of them is the reason why my heart beats. My gay best friend. See where I'm going? I was already having doubts about my gender when I met him (last september), and then I fell in love with him. Now I can't think straight any more - if you'll pardon the pun - and I want to be a guy to be his boyfriend! He is my soulmate, and he told me we would be in a relationship if I weren't a girl. We have a closeness and an understand I've never had with anyone else. However, I don't want him to be the only reason why I'd transition, but I'm way too in love to think lucidly. See, you have to keep in mind I used to doubt before I met him but my heart wasn't set on transitioning. And now, it is. Now there's a part of me who only wishes to transition and be his boyfriend. I'm depressed because of all of this. I don't like what I see in the mirror. I'm working out and losing a lot of weight to lose my womanly shapes. I want a more masculine body. I also want to be in his arms and make my life with him, and it hurts me that I can't because I'm a girl. It feels like there's been a mistake somewhere and that I should have been born guy. So I'm depressed and heavy-hearted atm. He only made my doubts bigger. Now I don't know what to do: one part of me says it wants to transition, but the other part of me fears he's the only reason why I'm considering it. And one mustn't transition for others. One must transition for oneself. I don't know what to do or what to think. Whether I should transition or not. Do I only want to transition because I'm in love with him? Probably. But in the meantime, it really hurts. What should I do? Thanks for reading, love you all (*hug*) Sheena.
I get what your saying XD. You have an image in your head that you'd be EXTREMELY happy as a gay male with your gay friend. But you don't want to conflate it with your gender questioning just in case they really arnt related. Yeah haste is never good, but I'd recommend holding onto that dream. If it persists and perseveres who knows, maybe it just right ---------- Post added 12th Jun 2014 at 10:02 AM ---------- I have an ancient friend who I absolutely head over heals fell in love with. I eventually found out she was a lesbian. I'd kill to end up being her girlfriend now X). But for me it's been to long and we havnt even talked in years.
Thank you! I'll always hold on to that dream. But hey, here's another problem for you : I also have a boyfriend of 3 years... What do I do with him? My life is such a mess, I feel ridiculous And I'm glad to hear you'dlike to be your friend's girl, it makes me feel less alone!
One thing to consider, say you did transition and ended up being with him. Great! Now what if something happens and you two end up splitting up? Would you be comfortable staying a guy then?
Hey Soniex, thanks for replying. You do ask the right questions. And to be honest I don't know how I'd feel about that. But the fact my answer is not a clear, spontaneous "Yes!" means I'm not ready to transition.
