What should I look for that might point to a desire to transition?

Hey, I sorta recently admitted to being genderfluid about two months ago and it has been quite the emotional roller coaster for me as I have been discovering desires that previously I have covered up or disguised over the years as a male. One fact is that I like moving in a very girly way a lot, I can't stop. I think I have found a large source of my unhappiness as I went from addressing myself as a him (forcefully) for a long time then a her (to counter)a week ago and then settling on calling myself a hir (a truce) a few days ago. I'll start trying to get in on my close friends on trying out neutral pronouns but I still have a lot of questions regarding whether I want to transition or not. I've had signs of dysphoria here and there but I largely I am still rather contested on a lot of fronts, my emotions have ranged from extremely depressed to very sudden onsets of happiness. I also have not been able to experiment with cross dressing yet because of a failure to launch (depression, college drop out) has left me still living with my wonderful... Polish Catholic parents. The problem is that while I've had a constant fantasy over the years of turning into a girl, it still was a very sexual fantasy. It wasn't always like this but I don't know what else to look for as I am kinda stuck unable to seek out a therapist immediately without trying to get around my parents and unable to crossdress for much the same reason. Sorry if I did anything wrong but I have had a rough two months and I am new to the forum.