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Mom has it all wrong

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by RayXxx, Jun 13, 2014.

  1. RayXxx

    RayXxx Guest

    My mom knows I suffer with identity issues and I've told her repeatedly that I don't at all feel female or like being one. I even told her that someday I will change my name. She knows I'm super depressed about it, but instead of encouraging me to come out as my male self, she keeps telling me to accept myself, but not in the way as being a trans-man. Basically, I feel she wants me to be someone I'm not. I know she means well, but she just doesn't seem to get it. I wish she would tell me that she accepts me as her son instead of practically telling me to move on. Infact, that would actually make me feel worse, because I would be shoving the very core of my being down instead of actually being myself. I know I'm not going to listen to her but what do guys/gals think?
     
  2. ProtegeMoi

    Full Member

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    Do you have siblings? Is it for religious reasons? Did she want a girl (wedding, babies etc)?

    Its hard to explain to others that you don't want to be a girl. In truth you aren't a girl if you don't feel like one. Youre a young man on the inside and while appearance at the present may make it seem otherwise, if you're wired that way its how its going to be.

    Suppressing it is like playing Gator Bop or Whack A Mole. You hit in on the head, it goes away, and moments later it creeps up. So you hide it and it goes away.. you get the idea. Suppressing your core is going to lead to anger, resentment, discontent, depression and on and on.

    Give it time. Its a very delicate issue. Explain that she isn't losing a daughter or gaining a son. She has a loving child no matter what and that you need her support, because her love and her caring and guidance are going to be more important now than ever.

    Acceptance on the part of others is done on their time when they are ready and its a two way street. We as trans people are constantly in a balancing act - we try to grow and we want to do it asap and meanwhile we rush others to understand when maybe they won't, can't or aren't ready just yet.

    The best advice I can give is to show unconditional love, infinite patience and a level of understanding beyond what most are capable of. If others still don't get you, we get you and you're all the better for it.
     
  3. Daydreamer1

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm not sure how long it's been since you came out, but I'd say give it some time. Some people need more time to come around than others. It really does do wonders.

    I don't want to make this thread depressing, but sadly some people just aren't accepting or willing to do grunt work with you so it's a balancing force. It's not something positive to think about, but it's something I feel some LGBTQ youth/people need to keep in mind at times so they don't get too disappointed if there is a falling out [I've been accustoming myself to a headspace like this in case it happens and it feels like it finally has happened].