So I am out as a transman... But I am telling a few people that I feel more androgynous, or agendered, recently. Someone on this side wrote this somewhere: "If you could wake up as a man tomorrow, would you take the chance? How´d you feel about it?" And I just know that I´d totally want that, and the thought made me really happy, like, nearly crying. But then sometimes I feel like I don´t have the right to be a man. Like I am not manly enough, or that I don´t feel like a man THAT much when I am honest with myself. So I always tell myself that I am changing between being androgynous and trans, and that I can´t decide because I have too much doubts on my own opinions. I also have this nagging feeling that I dream of being a man because the stereotype man is strong and brave, and I´m weak and very shy and frightened of many things. When I picture myself as a man, I am a lot more carefree than I really am, so maybe that´s what is so attractive about it for me... But I don´t think that that´s all... Also, when I feel like I really want to be a man one moment, I don´t really take it seriously, because the next moment it could be different. Whenever I am sure for a moment I feel like I am only lying to myself to get this whole question over with at the same time... :eusa_doh: I am a person who can never decide and who overthinks everything a 100 times and still doesn´t get a definite answer... I just doubt myself too much. So can anyone help me to push my thoughts into some direction - any direction - , so I can maybe think about it from another angle, because I am kinda stuck at this point... :help: :help: Thanks for all answers in advance
I can relate to what you said a lot. I'm also very shy and frightened of a lot of stuff so I know how you feel. I actually identified as agender for a long time because it felt wrong calling myself "a man" when I was definitely not very manly at all. Eventually though I realized that there's a lot of different kinds of men in the world and not everyone fits into the typical idea of what a man is. There's a lot of men who are shy and weak and they're still men. I also doubt myself a lot too which I think it natural. Transitioning is a really big step to take and it's normal to have doubts about something like that. Do you wish you had a male body? Do you want other people to see and refer to you as a man? That was what I thought about when I realized I was actually male. I also picture myself as braver and more carefree although a lot of that is probably just wishful thinking, I realized I WOULD be a lot happier if I were male. Just remember that you don't have to fit in with male gender roles to be a man, nobody completely fits with stereotypes and people are a lot more diverse than that. That being said, I can't tell you what your gender is only you can know, I just hope this helps since I relate to a lot of what you said.
You know what, I'm struggling a lot with this at the moment. I often imagine myself as a man - more extroverted, carefree, confident. I have even felt that if I transitioned physically, I would become somebody who is dangerous? :-s I am kind of struggling with a split personality which I think must be a natural part of my transition mentally and socially from female to male but it scares me that I often imagine myself as a man and feel urges to do things that I would normally be disgusted by such as reckless driving, smoking, violence and even commiting crimes. Fortunately, I have never actually acted on these urges (well, maybe apart from driving a bit too recklessly) but it scares me that they're there because my whole life, I have never put a foot wrong and have been the shyest and most reserved person you could ever meet. I am interchanging between agender and trans male depending on shifts in my personality.
@ACM: Thanks, you helped me by telling me that actually sombody can relate to this and telling me it´s natural... But about the body and pronouns: I´d really like to have more muscels and a deep voice sometimes, and you could say that I´d prefer a mans body over a womans anytime. I feel strange when someone calls me she or by my birth name, like getting sad or agressive (but only slightly), but being called he or by my chosen (boys) name feels so normal that I think it´s abnormal. I always feel like I should be more happy when someone calls me he. I also don´t hate my body that much and I think it´s strange... Every transman always tells me how bad they get dysphoria and how much they hate themselves... :goodevil: @anonym: I know this feelings too, but they´re not that strong with me. Maybe because I am always telling myself that I will still be the same person when I take T, and that whatever the urge, I will surely be able to control myself. As long as you´re sane, no urge can be as strong as to make you act completely brainless, so it´ll be allright. :icon_wink Wild imaginations may stop when you balance out dreams and reality a bit. Like acting a bit more harsh or without thought, but not doing anything criminal. It works for me
Do you feel like a man? Congrats, you're a man!! It does not matter at all what your personality is like, if you are a man you are one and no one has the right to say otherwise! I get stuff like this from other people all the time, there's no such thing as not being masculine enough to be a guy. Plenty of guys aren't masculine! There's no need to out-dude everyone. Everyone has doubts sometimes, but in the end you know yourself better than anyone and you'll figure it out.
you don't have to be "manly" to be a man! "manliness" is a socially constructed idea. I was confused about that for a long time. I wasn't sure if I was a trans man or a nonbinary person but then I realized how much I loved it when people called me "Andy" and by male pronouns. I don't act particularly masculine at all. you don't gotta be a buff hairy lumberjack, man. just be you
