Ok so, I'm a 16, nearly 17 year old transman who started going by male name and pronounces about 3 years ago. Ever since I started my 'transition' I've been so sure that I was male, and I've been looking so much forward to starting on T and getting top surgery done. All my friends are very nice about it, even though a few of them sometimes mess up the pronounce but it's not that bad, and I always just thought like 'oh well, once I start on T and stuff that will stop happening'. I've been so ready for going through sugeries and stuff, until 6 months ago when I got a boyfriend. He accepts me being a transman and he understands me better than anyone else. When we're with our friends who know we are dating he seems so 'proud' of being my boyfriend and he always kisses my cheek and holds my hand and hugs me and everything is just so great, but I'm really scared he will stop liking me if I start on T and get my breasts removed. I know he loves me for my personality as well as my looks, we've talked this through before and he says I should start on T if that's what would make me feel comfortable with myself, but at the same time I don't want him to be ashamed of dating me. You see, whenever his dad comes to visit(his parents are divorced) I kind of just have to sit in his bedroom while he quickly goes to say hello and stuff because he is scared his dad will find out(his dad is very homophobic). He just doesn't want people who might be slightly homophobic to know at all, since he doesn't feel gay and doesn't want to be put in a box as a homosexual, which I understand. When I'm with him I usually don't wear my binder, we have sex and it's like my gender doesn't really matter at all, I just feel really good about myself, even my breasts and my highpitched voice. I guess you could say I started reconsidering my gender to make him happy, but I just don't know. I don't want to get a super deep voice and I'm ok with wearing my binder to get a flat chest, the thing is so many people mess up the pronounce and I don't want my boyfriend to be ashamed of dating me. He says he's just scared of being called a faggot and stuff, and I understand that it must be very difficult for him. He always says he's sorry for making me question my gender again and that I should just do what makes me happy. I've been considering if I might be genderfluid, but as soon as anybody calls me 'she' or 'her' or a girl it makes me so sad, it can seriously ruin my entire day. I also thought about being agender, but I like being 'one of the boys' and a guy, so I really don't know what to do. When I'm with my boyfriend I'm 100% happy with how I am, when I'm with other people all I wish for is a slightly deeper voice and less of a baby face, basicly I just want to pass. This is so tiring and it makes me so sad. Anybody got any idea what I could do?
It sounds to me like your finding pleasure with your body as it is. I would seriously consider not going through and taking T and especially don't have your breast removed. Right now, just enjoy your body as it is and your boy friend for who he is. He loves you as you are and your right you don't know how he will look at you once you begin to transition someday in future, you feel you need to move forward with the transition, you can do it then. But for right now, don't change a thing and enjoy you life, your body and your boy friend.
*Hugs* you sound so sweet! You found someone you really care about. Hey, do what feels right, you have a lifetime to decide if you want to fully change, you're still so young!
i think you should put yourself before anyone else. of course, not in a selfish manner, but if pursuing hormones and surgeries will make you feel better, and it's something you want to do, then go for it. i wouldn't let anyone stop you from doing what you want and need. just my two cents
Agree with Stormborn. Transition is about you and what's better for you and your happiness and comfort. Prolonging it for the benefit of someone else is not advisable.
Do what is best for you. If you feel that T would make you happier then go for it and if you feel that your fine how you are without T and surgery then that's ok too.
Perhaps all you need is to transition socially? You seem to be halfway there already. Give yourself the right to doubt or to take more time to make the decision. Having someone who loves you and accepts you is precious.
