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FtM transgender, but always wanted to be a girl?!

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Raatox, Jun 16, 2014.

  1. Raatox

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    Hi!

    I'm currently strugglig with my gender, or well I recently realized that I probably am transgendered. Everything points to that, except from one thing. I've always wanted to be a real girl. It's like, instead of wanting my body to fit my gender (the usual thing, i guess), I wanted my gender to fit my body. I've tried so hard beeing a real woman, but now, after 20 years full of dysphoria, confusion, depresson and so on, I've realized that it will never happen and i've started to accept myself as man in a female body.
    So, well, Is it just me or Is it "normal" to always wanted to change "the other way"?
    :eusa_doh:
     
  2. Acm

    Acm Guest

    I've heard other trans men say that they tried to force themselves to be feminine and act girly so I don't think you're alone. I kind of did that too (never worked very well though :lol:slight_smile:
     
  3. SamThes

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    One of the reasons it took me a while to figure out I was transgender was the same reason. I wanted to try to make myself be more feminine and make my gender match my body. I just never really knew how to do it. So you're not alone in that.
     
  4. Raatox

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    Oh, thank you so much for your replies! It didnt worked so well for me neither, so now, lets try life as a man instead :slight_smile:
     
  5. SamThes

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    Good luck, Raatox! :slight_smile:
     
  6. Raatox

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    Thank you! :slight_smile: I'm taking the first step towards diagnosis and treatment on tuesday! :grin:
     
  7. birdking

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    oh yeah that was a major issue for me too!

    I started wishing I was born male instead, and that really scared me, so I kind of forced it out of my mind. I tried to ignore everything, and to combat it I tried to dress more "girly" and that was a terrible experience.

    I give it a 0/10. would not repeat.

    I think that's fairly common.
     
  8. drwinchester

    drwinchester Guest

    Yeah, this was my experience. I felt wrong in my body/assigned gender and I figured- oh, if I do it right, maybe I'll feel better and feel like I belong.

    I was pretty feminine for years too. Didn't really enjoy it. It just kinda felt like a mask I was wearing and I was going 'good'.

    And that's why for me, I didn't really pursue the idea of being male or wanting to transition because I figured it was just me being weird and needing to fix it by being what people wanted and expected of me.

    But now I don't really feel the same pressure to conform now that I've come to terms with it. Don't wanna be someone I'm not and if that someone isn't 100% masculine, I'm okay with that.
     
  9. Entrian

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    Same, I tried to force myself to pretend that I was really a girl for so long it actually ended up kinda messing up my gender identity. I've come to terms with having a bio female body, but it took quite a few years to get here.
     
  10. Calix

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    I definitely forced myself to fit the feminine mold when I didn't even understand I was having gender identity issues. But whenever I was dressed up and wearing make up it would definitely feel like an act and never real. Like I was playing a role in a play or something. Now I feel much more grounded than ever before.
     
  11. FireSmoke

    FireSmoke Guest

    Don't worry man, it's normal.

    I "forced" myself to be a femme woman when I was about 12-13 years old. My momma said "You're so beautiful, if only you wear lipsticks and cute dresses!".

    So, I thought: "Wow, I could try to be a woman. All can be more simple. My mom will be happy, my sister, my family and friends the same..."

    But I am a man. I have always been a man. When I looked myself in the morror, I though "What the fuck you're doing..."

    So I gave all my dresses to my sister! (!) :lol:


    What I want to say is: you can lie to your mom and dad, to your friends, to the others, to the world! But you cannot lie to yourself. If you're a woman, then you're a woman. If you're a man, then you're a man. Fuck off the others.
     
  12. Niko

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    I was in the same boat for a long time too before I found out I could be male in a female body. I went through a phase where I forced myself to be female. I managed for the most part, but I could never wear skirts, dresses, make-up, use a purse or do anything remotely feminine without being bothered by it.

    To this day there are times where I just wish I was a cisgirl, it'd just be easier to use what you already have yah know? But I know that'll never happen so it's my job to make myself comfortable with what I have.