1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

What is wrong with me

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by kay14, Jun 16, 2014.

  1. kay14

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2014
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I'm 17 and female. I think I want to be a boy :/ .Please help me

    When I was younger I have pictures of me in dresses in my early years but I remember at around 7 I flat out refused to wear skirts and dresses. I was a definite Tomboy. Most of my friends were boys. I did typical boy things. But I also know I played with Polly Pockets and Dolls. When I played make believe with my siblings I was 90% of the time a boy character. The only time I remember any different is when we played super nanny and I was super nanny and would put my younger siblings on the naughty spot haha. But other than that I was always the boy. I would wear boys clothes to be mistaken as a boy and loved it when I was.
    When I was around 14 I remember saying to myself that I wanted to be a boy but didn't do anything about it.

    I got bullied for looking like a boy and so decided to be girly from about 15. It was around then I questioned my sexuality but decided I was straight. Lately I have been going out with boys and it just feels wrong. I was kissing this guy and it grossed me out so much. And I told my mum and she asked if I was a lesbian, to which I said no. But it made me question everything again. It got me thinking that maybe I am not finding boys attractive. Maybe i was to BE them. I remember when I was younger I was obsessed with High School Musical and had a 'crush' on Zac Efron. But I would go to my room and pretend to be him. Even to this day I daydream about being this guy called Alex with this perfect life and when I'm alone I pretend to be him.

    I have OCD and I do compulsions to make myself not look like a man. It's like 'If I don't get in and out of bed again then you will look like a man'. I think it's because of all the bullying I got. It's stayed with me. So what if me wanting to be a boy is all in my head? I think I'm holding onto that.

    When I see a hot guy that's all I see. If I'm with a friend(s) then I'll be like "F*ck me". But I honestly dont think I want them to. I think I just say it. When I think about being that boy, waking up and looking like them it kind of makes sense. If I could wake up tomorrow and be a boy. Have been one my whole life and have nobody question it, I would do it. I want to start being a tomboy again. I hate girls clothes and I hate my boobs. My vagina doesn't really bother me. I don't know if I want a penis. I definitely DO NOT want body hair anywhere. I don't want a beard. But I just don't feel comfortable being a girl.

    Iv'e been getting really down this year. I dropped out of college but my parents are making me go to a new one in September and I honestly want to go. I just don't want to go as me. I hate my body. I'm a healthy weight but I was trying to lose some weight but then I was think and even if I had the perfect female body I still wouldn't be happy with it. I love sitting like a boy and hanging out with boys is so much better than with girls. Thy irritate me so much with their petty drama. I get called laid back and non caring.

    I feel like my daydreaming is taking over my life though and I'm not sure if it's 'Alex' that's making me feel this was. But then again maybe he is the real me. I feel better when I am being him. I also did it when I was younger.

    I am just getting really down. I have no reason to get up in the morning and i don't know what I am doing with my life and I really don't care anymore. I wish I was never born. You're born, you live with no purpose but to breed and then you die. It's cruel.

    What is wrong with me? I'm so confused

    Thanks to everyone who answers. :kiss:
     
  2. Unkempt Harold

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2014
    Messages:
    270
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Earth
    You sound trans to me X]
     
  3. Acm

    Acm Guest

    It sounds to me like you are trans but only you can say for sure. I used to think that my wanting to be a boy was all in my head too, but if you've felt like this for so long then I'm inclined to say that you are trans, and it's not in your head, your feelings are perfectly valid. And there's nothing wrong with you either :slight_smile: