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I feel like I'm being restrained from being myself

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by omgitskyle, Jun 18, 2014.

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  1. omgitskyle

    omgitskyle
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    So hi again!
    I literally just posted another thread like, 30 seconds ago. But whatever. This was something I wanted to talk to you guys and gals about.
    So I'm genderqueer. I came out to my mom about a week and a half ago. She told me about a million times that she loves and accepts me and listened and asked questions and I answered. It was all going so great, which felt so weird considering I expected the worst. But then, like I knew it would, it took a downfall.
    Basically what I told her was I feel way more androgynous than I do male. I told her I want to grow my hair just a bit, wear some makeup, and start wearing androgynous/more feminine clothes. I told her that my transition into androgyny means the world to me and I just haven't been very comfortable with my "boy self" lately. I felt like I explained it very well, but apparently not. I guess she thought I was gonna be going to school in drag, because the first thing she asked me is "Do you really wanna go out in heavy makeup and girls clothes and all that?" and it ended in her telling me she "doesn't think it's a good idea to be expressing myself 'like that' at my age." I understand she might have bullying concerns, but I've dealt with that almost all my life and I'm not gonna change because people can be mean.
    So since then, I haven't been very happy. I don't talk to her as much, I dislike myself more and more each day, and I get extremely depressed, especially at night.
    So I guess what I'm trying to ask is: How can I "re-come out" or at least convince her that this is more than just crossdressing? I'd really appreciate any answers.
     
    #1 omgitskyle, Jun 18, 2014
  2. Nychthemeron

    Nychthemeron
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    Hullo again, heheh.

    This sounds very similar to the situation I am in. Each time I want to talk to my mother about my gender, I get shaky, insecure, and scared. She's very supportive and accepting, but I'm just so scared and I have no idea why. I also always end up crying. I don't know why either.

    What I do is just ignore my fears. I ignore the thing that's telling me to stop and just do it. Of course, I try to pick times that are convenient. Try to avoid approaching her when she's is in a bad mood or is busy.

    I understand it's probably going to be hard, but you can do it. Think about her support and acceptance before all this has happened. Like you said, she probably is just trying to prevent you from bullying. My own mother is concerned that I will change my mind in the future (Mum, it's been about seven years. I don't think I will), and it's frustrating, to say the least. But if you give her time and explain it in different ways, she will get it. I promise. It just takes time.

    Best of luck.
     
    #2 Nychthemeron, Jun 18, 2014
  3. PlantSoul

    PlantSoul
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    I suppose that you could try taking it one step at a time. Make this a gradual process as opposed to taking one big leap. If you take it slow, it will be less of a shock for others when you fully become yourself.
     
    #3 PlantSoul, Jun 19, 2014
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