I ve been having trans thoughts for a while now. There was even a period where i seriously thought I was trans which was triggered by exposure to some trans material. I am 22 gay 100% sub bottom biologically male, somewhat chubby bodytype. Not really the most manly guy but i never wanted to be a "femboy" or be feminine in any way. The idea of being a woman is first of all very arousing for me, i had this fantasy from young but it was just like 10% of my fantasies. When i was younger(like 15) i did wear female underwear because it was arousing me but i slowly stopped in time. I always knew i was 100% gay, i never felt any sexual interest towards women and i actually disliked women.(Mostly because they were the center of attention of men and i was feeling jealous). Sexually i am 100% submissive bottom and i really dislike using my penis, i even had fantasies of being a male that had surgery to have a vagina instead. It is not like i hate my penis, i still use it when alone but when i am with someone else i dont really find it useful and dont want it. When i started thinking i was trans i was scared for some time and tried to search for answers. Though through that time there was a pretty big sexual arousal. I didnt really feel any body dysphoria unless i was masturbating or i was with another man and i wanted to have a female body and parts for him. Though to be honest i might have genital dysphoria since i never liked to use my penis during sex and would prefer to have a vagina and that thing isnt really only when i am horny. Before all this i had a pretty low libido for a male. I fapped like 1 time per 3-4 days while most do it more than once. But since i realized that this thing was just a fetish everytime i had a trans thought i felt like fapping which is like more than once per day. While i am aroused i feel like i want to be trans but after that i feel i am ok with being male, until the fantasy comes against and the whole thing is repeated. I simply cant stop this fantasy even when i try to avoid it.(Libido wise i am afraid i could have somekind of intersex condition because 1)unlike most men my age i didnt have high libido until the trans thing, 2)my shoulders arent really that wide and thighs are bigger, 3)Parents thought i was a girl before i was born which could mean the Y gene could have been delayed which often causes lower testosterone i think and infertility[not that i care]) I realized that i was not trans and it was just somekind of fetish. The problem is instead of masturbating to that fantasy a little like before(10%) i use it almost 95% of the time. If i am feeling aroused and fall into an image of a female or anything female i cant stop myself from fantasizing myself as a woman. I simply cant stop using that fantasy and i am annoyed by it. Edit: Also I feel like if i find a boyfriend who pushes me into becoming his girl i wouldnt hesitate to try to transition whenever it is a fetish or not. Also i have a serious misogyny issue, I cant really take women seriously, the way they act, the way they are portrayed everywhere, how emotional and dumb and whorish they are. Aside from their submissive gender role which is the only thing that fits me from a stereotypical woman i dont have many common things with women. The idea of being a woman sometimes(not always) feels weird and uncomfortable when i am thinking about all the other typical women. And i have started being misogynistic exactly after i realized i was not trans so it might be connected to my issue. Feel free to ask any kind of questions you might need in order to understand my situation better.
That is kind of ummm, a not nice thing to say about a huge group of people. It seems to be that it is just a fetish as all of your thoughts about being a woman are all sexual. You seem to have no desire to be female outside of sex if I read correctly.
I am simply trying to say everything that is happening so you can get a better idea. The wholy mysoginy thing mostly started after i thought it was a fetish so it must be connected somehow. My problem is that i cant get away from that fantasy. Before i would use like one out of 10 times. Now i use it ALL the time and my libido has increased. I want to stop it but i dont know how
Definitely not trans in my opinion. I don't really have anything constructive to add, because you struck some nerves that I can't get past and yeah stay a dude already.
And that is why i dont feel like I can trust such opinions. You dislike me a lot because i was honest and that is influencing your judgement. Is there any place with people who think more rationally and try to ignore what they dislike? Or a therapist is the only choice
I don't see how your distate for women is magically going to go away if you had a vagina. If you get SRS or HRT do you think its going to change whatever issues you have mentally towards women - I don't. You'll go from being a gay dude that gets boners from fantasizing about a vagina to a woman who is an emotional dumb whore who can't be taken seriously that can finger bang. Does being a woman with a vagina give me a boner or arouse me? Not in the slightest. I shouldve already been born with it. The wrong chromosomes didn't change my mind. I loathe having a penis and I don't have any distaste or misplaced feeling towards men. Its not about sexual anything, its about having your physical body match your mind and soul. Can I be rational? Absolutely. You should also understand that the way you word things and what you choose to type is just ammo. If you had called me a whore in person when I've been in 3 monogamous relationships totalling 15 years of my life, or think I'm dumb and emotional because I enjoy heels, painting my nails and am a loving protective parent to my daughter and loving spouse to my wife - I'd have knocked you out and you'd be in the E.R. I'm emotional because I take this shit seriously, its my god-damned life. Your sexual preferences have very little to do with gender identity and unless you've built up all of this hate towards women and what they stand for to protect your fragile, dumb, whore of an inner self - how can I take you seriously? I believe you've already answered your own questions and you're not trans at all - you just sometimes want a vagina when you have an anus that can do basically the same thing.
I'm not even going to dignify your (trans) question with an answer, simply because you chose to say the things you've just said. Did you really think you could come onto a site like this, speak in the manner that you have, and get away with it? This is THE most open, friendly, accepting place I CAN COME TO - and this is the shit I have to read? Also, sure, you're being honest - but your honesty doesn't mean it has to be accepted. I have an Uncle who's a racist prick, and he's "just being honest about his opinion" ... You're saying you can't take women seriously because of the way they act, they way they are portrayed, and the fact they're dumb, emotional, and whorish. Seriously? I'm just disgusted, and I can't even finish this thought right now. >_<
Even if you didn't talk about the misogyny at all, everyone still would have said it is a fetish. You seem to desire being a woman just for sexual reasons, there is no societal, emotional or any other reason that doesn't seem to be sex. So it is just a fetish.
It's a fetish. Also, why are you stereotyping women? I'm a woman, and I'm not emotional (okay maybe a little), dumb, whorish, OR submissive. You enjoying being penetrated is just a fetish, if you imagine having a vagina, It's a fetish. Being trans is more besides the sexual.
Also i have a serious misogyny issue, I cant really take women seriously, the way they act, the way they are portrayed everywhere, how emotional and dumb and whorish they are. Aside from their submissive gender role which is the only thing that fits me from a stereotypical woman i dont have many common things with women. The idea of being a woman sometimes(not always) feels weird and uncomfortable when i am thinking about all the other typical women. And i have started being misogynistic exactly after i realized i was not trans so it might be connected to my issue. Feel free to ask any kind of questions you might need in order to understand my situation better. "understand my situation" well, it appears to me based on this post, and the others you have posted on this thread that your problem isn't between your legs but rather, it is between your ears. get your whole "trust" issues worked out and maybe, just maybe many of your problems will become clearer. but if you insult people, especially those you don't know by calling them "whores", "submissive" (you've never met truly strong women, obviously), sunshine shows that crossdressing or *trans fantasies aren't your problem. good luck fella, i have a feeling your going to need it.
This. We don't have to be saints or anything; if someone is being a jerk, sometimes we should call them out on it honestly. But we're a support community. Just as people coming out to themselves as gay for the first time have lived straight lives, and come to us with straight attitudes, people that have been surrounded with nothing but other gay men are going to need some love and tolerance from us. That's our job, to help people understand that the way they are is okay, whatever that may be. They have a safe place to figure that stuff out. OP that said, it sounds like you yourself would be more comfortable PMing a male staff member for support. And you are making several people uncomfortable. We will help in any way we can, but especially since you have said you can't trust what we have to say to you, I don't think this thread is going to be much use to you. I really hope you get your feelings sorted out, and if you are looking, that you find a boyfriend that is a good fit for you and helps you explore this side of yourself without pushing you in a direction that is not healthy And I am totally not shutting you out; if there turns out to be any way we can either help you be happy, or help you sort yourself out, of course we will.
All that said, if it helps at all, my idea of a woman is someone like Mila Kunis' characters or the real life Natalie Portman. Some of my professors were women I really admired. There's a few aspects of gender that I think should really be considered separately when you are sorting this stuff out. There is the social aspect and your gender role, there's your body, there's your sexuality, and there's your identity and sense of self. It sounds like you and I are not fond of some parts of the female gender role. Honestly, a lot of my cis female friends aren't either. A lot of the stuff that you seem to associate with womanhood, are really things used to treat women like kids. We get around that problem by owning what we do, and making it ours. A lot of us are crafty - as in crochet or pottery crafty - of course, and care a lot about expressing ourselves through our clothes, and all the other stuff. But I mean, with that stuff, we usually make it ours, we aren't doing it to impress other people. It's really no different from getting good at a video game, or similar things that boys do for fun. We do those kinds of things for fun. We're respectable people with goals and dreams who are good at our jobs on top of all that stuff; it's just that you only get a really heavily tinted view of the fun stuff. It's true that different avenues are open to us as kids, and maybe those have some effect on our hobbies and interests as an adult and the way we act. I probably would like cooking a lot less if I didn't do it so much as a kid. But what I am getting at is, it doesn't help much in my opinion to look at a lot of other people and go "oh I don't want to be anything like them". Because if you do that enough, you're left with nothing. It throws the baby out with the bathwater. What you aren't looking at is who you DO want to be. So, who are you? At your core where you can't change, who would you like to be with what you can change? Is that person different, honestly, inside the bedroom? There's nothing wrong with that. It really sounds like you don't want to transition, and that you are happy being a gay man - but it also sounds like you are afraid that will change if you explore this part of you sexually? The kind of transition I am going through is something I want. It's something I've always wanted really, and always felt like I have needed. Every step has been a good thing. It's caused problems and exposed me to some hurt, but I feel like I am doing things for the right reasons, and it's because of that that every step has helped. If that doesn't sound like you, don't transition. Even if you might have that deep down mismatch I have, at that visceral level that causes people to laugh or cry, if transition is not going to make your life better don't do it. It doesn't matter if you are "really trans" or not. The trick here, I think anyway, is to simply sort out what you are not doing because of fear, and what you are not doing because it won't benefit you in any way. What I have done has solved a lot of problems in my life that have always been there. I no longer feel that gnawing despair and hopelessness that was just a part of me I was used to in my male life... you know I go through this list an awful lot and I don't think it will help you. But I really feel like, if you do explore this part of you, I don't think it is going to cause you to do anything you don't want to. It is extremely rare that someone who truly does not want to, goes through what I am going through successfully. So I think, if you of course have the right partner who loves and respects you, that you can safely explore this part of you. And if it turns out that it awakens a desire to transition inside you, then that's what happens. Again, I am not doing anything without a good reason, or anything that does not help.
