Not understanding gender is holding me back

It's sort of hard to define gender but I knew I was trans because I wished I had a male body, I was uncomfortable with having a female body, I wanted to go by male pronouns and a male name, and I wanted other people to see me as male. Also I looked back on my childhood and there were some signs back then

 

I was(am) having problems with this too. It took me a very long time to understand gender, but I believe that I finally got able to understand it.

To find out your gender identity you must think about how you'd feel more comfortable being adressed as.
Do you feel comfortable being treated like a girl? Do you think that you'd feel more comfortable if people used female pronouns when they're talking about you?

Let me give you an example... You're going to put a dress and use makeup for a party(sorry, couldn't think of any good example), that's going to make you look like a girl. When you get at the party looking like a lady do you want people to think that you're a girl(but you're actually a man) or to know that you are a girl.


I tried to explain it the best way I could.

 

I agree that it's what you want to be seen and addressed as, everyone has this internal sense of their gender. If you were to call a girl a boy and refuse to acknowledge that she was a girl, using he/him pronouns and stuff, she wouldn't feel comfortable because those things clash with her gender.

People can express themselves in whatever way, you can dress like a man but still be a woman and if someone calls you a man you would feel wrong and misgendered.

 

I don't understand gender at all...It's confusing as hell, since everyone seems to just have this sense of what gender they are and I don't have that. I've spent years trying to figure out why I don't know this about myself and everyone else does.

I came to the conclusion that gender is kinda bullshit.

Get right with your body--do whatever it is you need to do to feel right inside of your body. That could be a hormones, surgery, whathaveyou. It could be nothing it all. Whatever you need to feel good.

Get right with your look--dress however you feel best. do you like makeup? do you like combat boots? whatever you feel good in is what you should put on.

Pick a name that you like and pronouns that fit you--sometimes this means no change, sometimes it means a massive overhaul of what people call you. whatever you like.

Those are things that seem like they can be worked out to some sort of conclusion. And they are important to work out because they're part of you and can make you feel at home inside of yourself. But I don't think any of those things are gender. Not that they aren't read by others as gendered things, they certainly are in society. But I don't think any one of those things actually is gender. Gender is a category I guess, a best-fit group.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that gender itself is a nebulous sort of thing but don't let that hold you back from doing whatever you need to do to feel good about yourself. And when you figure out what makes you feel like you, maybe the gender thing will become more clear. Maybe it won't, but you'll be who you are. If that makes any sense at all? :lol: