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Not entirely sure if my partner knows I'm trans? What do I do...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by zahhhaks, Jun 22, 2014.

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  1. zahhhaks

    zahhhaks
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    Okay, so, don't judge me too harshly on this one. I'm 17 and a transgender male, and I'm bisexual (thinking I might be gay, but anyways). A few weeks ago, I met this really great guy at my best friend's LGBT youth group- he's a cis gay guy, and my same age. I've been able to date cis gay guys in the past- I'm almost half a year on hormones, and kinda got the gift of being able to pass naturally besides that. So, it being an LGBT youth group, I wasn't really witholding about the fact that I'm trans, and even got misgendered a few times by some jerk. I don't think I ever really OUTRIGHT said I was trans, but I guess I'm just used to people knowing, and these days I'm full time and practically stealth so I don't like to make a big deal about it. So basically, long story short, I ended up spending a lot more time with this guy from the group, and now we're dating- the only thing is, I'm not entirely sure he knows I'm transgender? I'm about 70% positive he does, but I'm terrified at that some point I'll just casually mention something related to transition and he'll be like "ew what's wrong with you I can't believe you lied to me". I'm so used to people talking about it nigh constantly that the fact that he hasn't clued me in one way or the other is either nervewracking or heartwarming, depending on the outcome. My best friend, who introduced me to him, apparently has talked about me in the past in the group and talked about my transition so I'm pretty sure I'm okay but... what do I do if I'm not? What do I do if he thinks I'm cis and I have to explain everything to him? How do I figure out if he knows or not without making a big deal out of it?
     
    #1 zahhhaks, Jun 22, 2014
  2. TheFSM

    TheFSM
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    When you feel ready to just adress the topic. You never said you were cis right? in that case you didn't lie. If you aren't shure if he knows just ask him:
    "did i tell you I am trans?"
    "hey I am not sure if you know, but i am trans."
    or something along those lines. You should tell him at some point for sure. If he is not supportive i don't think it was meant to be in first place. but i am pretty optimistic he will be cool about it.
    Good luck!
     
    #2 TheFSM, Jun 22, 2014
  3. ProtegeMoi

    ProtegeMoi
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    Just be honest with him. You may lose him completely, it may make you even closer or it may put you in the friend zone. If you see a future with him you could just say, "Babe I'm super into you and wondered about your thoughts regarding top/bottom surgery and what your decision is and how that makes you/him feel. You're a man and capable of doing all things male, albeit you may need outside help, but if you've been 6+ months on T then you've made a commitment to your future and you want to include him in it.

    Better to find out now than to make it into something awkward if things get overly sexual and you don't have a pre arranged agreement on what you're comfy with.

    I hope he's understanding and loving, but you won't know unless its brought up.
     
    #3 ProtegeMoi, Jun 22, 2014
  4. DhammaGamer

    DhammaGamer
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    I've been in that situation before (more times than I want to admit) and when it happens I;m just upfront about it. "So, I just wanted to make sure we're both on the same page before we go much further. You know I'm trans right?"
     
    #4 DhammaGamer, Jun 22, 2014
  5. Hexagon

    Hexagon
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    Just ask him. Explain your concern, and be honest.
     
    #5 Hexagon, Jun 22, 2014
  6. PlantSoul

    PlantSoul
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    I think that you should be honest about your concerns on this.
     
    #6 PlantSoul, Jun 22, 2014
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