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What the hell am I? A boy, a girl, or what?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by AlexL, Jun 25, 2014.

  1. AlexL

    Regular Member

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    Well, since I was really young I liked more of the boys stuff. Instead of playing with dolls, I’d play with my power rangers and cars, but I also enjoyed to play with Polly dolls (the small ones) but they were all liked to fight, haha. I was a really happy girl, it just sometimes I’d have that thought that I wanted to be a boy because they were physically stronger and they didn’t need to wear something to cover the top. When I started growing up I started being really uncomfortable using girly clothes, specially the ones that were pink, but it was something I could tolerate and ignore for the most part. However I tried many times to get closer to those really girly girls, I tried to act more feminine and it didn’t work very well and it still doesn’t.
    When puberty came I felt really bad about periods and my breasts. I wanted them to be bigger because I thought they would basically make me feel better and more feminine (what a stupid thought anyway). And of course I used to feel really uncomfortable with everything related to the women world, such as getting married, clothing, being allowed to do certain things or not, my body, etc. I started having those thoughts of “I wish I had a beard” or “I wish I didn’t have breasts” or “I wish I was physically stronger like men”, stuff like that.
    Anyway, all of these thoughts of my body and about being a man I’d try to avoid because I knew I could never be a man anyway, I used to keep these thoughts in the back of my mind, in a subconscious way, I was ignoring them.
    A few weeks ago anyway I don’t know what happened I feel really uncomfortable in my own skin and I realized that I wanted to be somebody else all along. I could never really wear male clothing but I tried to wear more neutral clothing and I felt way better. I also cut my hair really short and I feel much better too.
    Would all of that make me a transgender? I feel really confused. I’d like to start wearing male clothes and acting in a more masculine way, and maybe even taking hormones in the future, or whatever. I’m just afraid that I just change my mind along the way, because sometimes everything is really confusing.
    And I also like certain girl things, which makes me feel even more confused.
    Sorry for the long post, but I’m really confused and these thoughts are killing me slowly.
    I just need to be sure to talk to my mom about it.
     
  2. Nightdream

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    It sounds like you might be transgender, but I think that it'd be better for you to talk to your parents about it and look for an specialist on genders. We can't give you a diagnostic here. About you liking girly/boyish things, don't worry. They won't tell you anything about your gender, so it's possible for you to be cis/trans and enjoy things that are "not appropriated" for your gender identity. That said, I think you should try to find out your gender by answering questions like these: "would I feel more comfortable if people reffered to me as he?", "I'd like my parents to think of me as their son or daughter?". Onde more thing, keep in mind that not every single cisgender person is 100% comfortable in their gender roles. If they were, feminists wouldn't exist, right?

    Hope this helps...
     
  3. Acm

    Acm Guest

    Yeah like MyID said, we can't tell you for sure, but it does sound like you might be trans. If I were you I would think about these things:
    If you could choose to have either a male or female body which would you pick? Or would you want something that wasn't quite male OR female?
    Also it helps to experiment with male or neutral pronouns and names to see if they make you feel better.
     
  4. birdking

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    Sounds like what I went through. Take that as you will.

    Also I'd just like to point out that what you like/liked as a kid doesn't necessarily mean you're a certain gender. Totally unrelated, I just wanted to clear that up as it is a common misconception. :slight_smile:
     
  5. AlexL

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    Well I know you guys can give me a diagnostic, I was just asking for some advice. The part of talking to a specialist is kinda complicated because I once asked my parents to talk to a therapist about certain things and they freaked out and were REALLY worried.
    I know I'd feel really comfortable being called he and to be a son.
    yeah I understand feminists very well, haha.

    ---------- Post added 26th Jun 2014 at 02:59 PM ----------

    I'd have a male body without thinking twice. At the moment I prefer more neutral stuff because I have a really girly body and face, so people sometimes doubt what I am. But I'd prefer to be seen as a man.
    About the male or neutral pronouns, should I ask some friends to do that for me? They have no problem with that, i'm sure.

    ---------- Post added 26th Jun 2014 at 03:00 PM ----------

    Well, sometimes it's a sign, haha, but I know it doesn't explain it all :slight_smile:
     
  6. Acm

    Acm Guest

    Yeah ask a few good friends that you can trust to experiment with names/pronouns. I have a few friends who are doing that right now and it's great
     
  7. AlexL

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    I will do that then. Thank you so much!