I'm 17 years old and a female. I shown a lot of signs as a kid. Such as hanging around with mostly boys, dressing like a boy and one time I stood over the toilet seat so I could pee like a boy. Stuff like that. But there is one thing getting to me here. As a kid I would see a boy in a movie (Mike from Karate kid 3 for example) and I would literally pretend to be him. I used to be him and other characters in games and stuff like that. I even used a male character while playing on my own and acted it out on my own. Thing is, this never really stopped. I've always had a made up male character thing inside my head. I would try to stop making up the stories with me being him and it was like he was in my head with me. But it was like he was taking over (I knew and still know that these are made up characters that are just in my head). But it was when I stopped to actually question it did I realize that not every girl makes up a male character in their head, gives them a life and story and pretends to be them when they're alone. It's just like I can't stop it though. It's like there's always this male character there and I can't get it to go away. Did any of you trans people ever get this? I just feel like maybe I'm not really trans and that the daydream is just making me think I'm trans. But iv'e done it my whole life. I'm not even sure of my sexual orientation anymore because of this. It's like when I really stop to think about it I don't like dating boys or kissing them but I find boys 'hot'. But I thought back to when I was younger and remembered that I loved high school musical and Zac Efron. But I would go into my room and play songs from the movie and pretend to be him. Now I don't know i I actually LIKE boys in that way or if I'm just envious of them. Thing is this all just sort of clicked a few days ago. But I just want to know if I am actually trans or if this is all a daydream in my head that is making me feel like a boy and making me think I want to be one? People say it's like a male brain trapped in a female body. But I know I'm a girl. I act like a girl in some ways. But it's like there is this boy in my head that just wants to be expressed. Did you get any of that? Or do you just think it's all in my head and the daydream and acting it out is all in my head? Even though I've done it all my life? I don't know if I was a penis or not. I always found them ugly on pictures. Not that a vagina is any nicer looking. I don't like my boobs. They just hand there and get in the way and yeah. Please help me
There has been lots of similar threads lately. The trouble (or the great thing) is: no one can tell you. Not even a gender therapist. If you know how to mislead a gender therapist (or any therapist), you will do it easily. Perhaps ask yourself, "I experience _____ problems. Are they so big that I need to do something about them? What would make me feel better?" At the end it is not important what label you will stick on your forehead. The important thing is to feel all right.
My experience is pretty similar to yours, I always wanted to be guys from books or movies and I also make up characters who are male in my head and pretend to be them. For me, I felt like they were a part of me that I couldn't express outside of my head. I started questioning my gender when I realized that this wasn't something that most girls do as well. For me, what helped solidify this was trying to present as more male. Maybe try out wearing guys clothes or try thinking of yourself as male and calling yourself a boy or by a male name. If you think that you would rather be male and be seen as male and have a male body, try it out. See if it feels right. What it really came down to for me was that it just felt right to be a boy.
