I am finding myself thinking about this a lot lately because I would imagine HRT will become available to me in the next year or so and then after that, surgery. I get really bad body dysphoria. Social dysphoria I think I can handle. I have never been that much of a sociable person anyway. I'm an extreme introvert. If the dysphoria becomes too much to bear, I can take myself out of the situation but body dysphoria...how do you escape from that? You can't which is why I know that surgery and testosterone are definitely on the cards for me in the future. Chest surgery doesn't worry me all that much. It's just taking away something that shouldn't be there. I feel that taking things away from my body is much easier for me to deal with mentally than the idea of adding stuff to my body and that's what worries me about testosterone. Although I identify as male, I find the idea of acquiring body hair, clitoral growth, extra weight and muscle mass quite worrisome. Don't get me wrong, having a female body feels completely wrong for me but I don't know how well I will cope with the physically changes mentally because I'm not good with change. Has anyone else had similar concerns?
It should concern you otherwise I'd think you weren't thinking about it enough. Pro/cons aside if you think binding, male clothes and having people address you as a he is enough thats awesome - for some its not enough. If you want more muscles, facial hair, deeper voice and so on to feel comfortable later on then T might be the answer. Bottom surgery is serious serious business and I don't even think there is a timeline - its just that when you get to that place for many ftms it is never because there is so much involved. I'd just take it day by day. Add a little this and take away a little that. Put it back and see how you feel. Live as a man and if you feel something about your body is keeping you from getting to where you want then you can think about the resolutions. There isn't really a clear answer because signs might point one way and then when you get there you may realize its not right either and reversing is even harder. I think you'll know what you need when youre ready and if you're unsure then you aren't ready to know yet. That's how I feel about myself.
You could try taking a low does of T or using the cream/patches (since those are slower) so that you can adjust to the change more. It's natural to be afraid since HRT is a big step to take and it's a huge change
I was really nervous when I started hrt, I think its totally normal to be a bit scared as its a huge change. But, its a slow change. Once I was finally ready to start I was ready to handle the changes right then and its been about a month now and nothing. Not being great with change shouldn't be too big a stumbling block as long as the end changes are what you want. Also, you can stop whenever you want. Yes some changes once they happen are irreversible but most will revert back, and you can start back up any time if you choose, once you've had time to deal with the changes that have happened. have you spoken with a therapist about hrt?
