I just really can't tell. Some days I know absolutely and I start crying and being very upset, while others I shrug it off and I'm like "whatever" and I don't even care about my gender. I know that I was meant to be born into a traditionally male body, but I wasn't. I've lived in this body my entire life (currently nearly 18), so I've gotten used to it, and have learned to love it. It's a beautiful body. It just doesn't feel like me. Whenever I go shopping for clothes I get frustrated because the type of body I imagine I'm styling is very different from the one I currently own. I grab men's tanktops and jeans thinking "wow I'll look so good in this!" but in reality I look like a weird girly blob because I don't have the body I'd like to think I do. However I'm confused because while I hate having a visible chest, when it comes to masturbation, my boobs really turn me on. Plus they're really soft and it's nice. After masturbation I'm hit with this weird dysphoria where I realize they're actually heavy sacks of grossness, but during, I like them? I'm also confused about whether or not transition would be a good idea because I have a really girly personality. I super doubt I have a "male mind" like people on cable news always say about trans people. Not only that, but also if I transitioned it would make me straight??? And that just really weirds me out. I feel this powerful connection to the word gay, and the second I decide to transition I'd not be allowed to have that anymore. Lastly, some of the things about hormones excite me, while others weird me out. Facial hair? Awesome! Deeper voice? I'd love that!!!!!! Fat distribution to change getting rid of curves? Hell yeah!!! Addams Apple? Uuuuuhhhh that seems like it would be uncomfortable. A long clitoris??? Wouldn't it be weird to have this thing just kinda hanging there but like not big enough to be a penis? Just seems like it'd feel awkward. (since I'm comfortable with having a vagina and wouldn't want bottom surgery) Ultimately I'm afraid of making a decision I'd regret. Transition feels inevitable to me, but it also seems scary. I'm also going to college next year, and it'd be too much for me I think to dorm with another guy. So maybe I should just wait till after college? Or never? Then again I don't know if I can take this body for another 60 years. . . am I trans would I be dumb to transition heelllppppp
No one can tell you who you are. I would not ask the question anyway because it would only give you a label, not a solution. Because every trans person is different and wants different things. I would probably ask something like: I don't like ...... what do I need to change to feel better?
I've been feeling similar, lately. For most of my life I just went around labeled as a tomboy, then a few months ago I embraced being genderfluid and I like it. However, while I haven't felt dysphoria in a few months, I find myself more comfortable presenting myself as a male and binding and now I'm worrying (yes, worrying) that I may be slowly transitioning to feeling trans. I can't handle that in my life with my family and my job. I've been avoiding talking about gender as much as humanly possible but it's all just building up inside. If I were you, I would try talking to a therapist about it, if you have that option. And you can still feel male inside without having to change your outsides, you know. There's no set rules for this sort of thing. If you have top surgery, you'll still have nipples and stuff. Taking T also helps reduce your breast size, but doesn't make them go away entirely (from what I've been told) so maybe you'd be fine with just that?
Trans people on TV tell people what's easiest. And 'male mind in a female body' is the easiest thing they can say. It's (relatively) simple. And I can understand why they do that. But it isn't the whole story. You don't have to be masculine to be a man.
If you feel like you'd regret the changes testosterone brings, you probably shouldn't take it. If I were you, I'd stick to top surgery. I can't say if you are "true trans" or not, but based on what you said, T probably isn't the best route for you. And you don't really seem like a trans male to me, but you don't seem like you're not transgender, either. Nonbinarism isn't really in my sphere of knowledge, so I would not be able to help you there. If it helps, though, there are people who pass without testosterone. It just takes a lot of effort and a little luck with genetics. Tumblr tends to be an inane, SJW-infested hellhole, but the man101 blog might suit your interests.
